Backing off
Love at First Act
YOUR POV
I’m awake but I can’t open my eyes. It’s so heavy. Yeah, it’s all sore right now because of all the crying I did last night. And to add with these sore eyes, there is this throbbing pain in my head. Damn this hangover!!! I tried my best opening it even all it can was only half. I slowly sat up on my bed, holding on this aching head of mine. I stared blankly at the wall meters away in front of me. And with that, all I can see was an image of last night scene. Gayoon unnie kissing Doojoon. I shook my head trying to erase that memory out of my mind. And that move I did was wrong. The headache I already had has been triggered to punish me more. I held on my head and massage it with my two hands. As I felt my head is quite fine, I headed to my bathroom to take a really nice, long, shower. That’s what I need. And besides, I stink like hell because I laid down on my bed last night without changing my clothes nor washing my face. Now, I’m pretty sure I look horrible.
And I was right. My reflection says it all. Red puffy sore eyes, smudged mascara all around my eyes, and really messed hair. Perfect! I looked like some haunting white lady on some horror movie who has the ability to climb up from a well and went out of the tv screens. I did everything that has to be done before going to shower. The weather is really cold but I prefer not to open the heater. I shivered immediately as soon as the cold water splashes throughout my body. As soon as I get to used to the coldness, I smiled to myself. This shower is perfect. The throbbing pain in my head starts to disappear. But no. It can’t help to mend this pain in my heart. And with this cold water splashing all over my body, my mind was back in reality. Doojoon and Gayoon kissed. It looks like they’re really together. As I felt tears were forming again, I tried my best to stop it. “No, Maya. Stop it. You’re done crying. It’s useless. All you have to do now is how to remove that feelings for him off from your heart and how you are going to continue to work with things without being awkward.” I said out loud for all my senses to be aware of what I have to do. Though my heart isn’t being friendly and keeps on making me feel pain. Well, I guess I can’t get out of that promise to him that we will finish that thesis. I’m also doing that so I could finish my requirements. So I guess, to slowly remove this feeling, all I have to do not to hope anymore. I have to avoid being personal with him. I should act just like a normal classmate. I shouldn’t be staring at him a lot. Damn, that was hard! No, I should do that. I know it will be hard. But it’s for the best.
Since it is Sunday, what else should I do? I guess I’m stuck here inside and will be watching tv. As soon as I opened the tv, it was still on this music channel and “Beautiful” is playing. Talking about timing.
(You) Oh Beautiful
(You) So Beautiful
(You) My Beautiful
“Oh no, I’m not. Look at these puffy eyes.” I said while pointing on my eyes, talking to them on the screen. I’ve gone crazy really. I’m even talking at the tv screen. As soon as I saw Doojoon on screen, I buried my face on this cusion I was hugging. Aish!!!!! Then suddenly, somewhere, I heard Doojoon singing his lines from OASIS. Oh damn what was that? Yeah, right. Time to change that ringtone. I grabbed my phone near the television and answered it. It was Hyunseung oppa, again.
“Yah, you didn’t texted me if you arrived home last night safely!!!” He greeted from the other line. Seriously?! Shouting at this hour of the day?
“Oppa, is that how you greeted people on mornings? Shouting?” I answered irritatingly.
“Mianhae, I’m just dying out of concern here. Did you arrive safely? Is there anything happened on you way home? Is your head aching? Do you feel something bad right now?” He asked, no, more like interrogating.
“Obviously oppa, I sounded fine right? My head still hurts a little bit but all in all, I’m perfectly fine. I’m sorry if I wasn’t able to text you, I fell asleep right away as soon as I arrived.” I answered. No oppa, my heart still hurts.
“Yah, what’s that attitude for? Okay, that’s good to hear. I’m happy you’re safe. But are you sure you’re really okay? Is there something you want to tell me?” he asked. What is he talking about?
“I’m perfectly fine, oppa. I’m sure I am.” I bravely said. I guess I know what he is talking about. Oh!!!! He noticed something on me last night? Oh damn, was I that obvious?
“Just so you wanted to talk about things you can’t talk with others, I’m perfectly open for it.” He said. I really want to, oppa. But I don’t know how.
“Alright. Do you have any schedules today?” I asked trying to change the topic.
“Is that Maya? Maya, are you okay? Did you arrived home safely?” I heard Yoseob oppa shouted from the other line.
“Yah, give me that back!!!!” Hyunseung shouted. I guess they’re fighting again. I laughed with their childishness while I’m on line.
“Aish, that midget!!!!” Hyunseung oppa cursed. I guess he has his phone back. “Ah mianhae about that. That Yoseob is goofing around again. Oh, we don’t anything for today. We’re just practicing. Yah, you sure come on Thursday on our comeback stage!!! If not, I will sue you!!! I reserved you your backstage pass.” there he goes, being the sue guy again. I laughed for a while then back at him.
“Ah, jinjja??!!! Araseo! I’ll go. But wait, could I bring my friend with me? She’s also a fan, she’s really nice to me. I want to at least do something for her.” I shouted. I’m talking about Hana unnie. But now, talking to this oppa surely made my mood change. I am slowly forgetting the pain. He is surely the best when it comes in making me laugh.
“Oh sure if she’s really nice to my dongsaeng! By the way, I’m happy that I could hear you laugh again.” he said, as he sounded serious again.
“What are you talking about oppa?” I asked trying to act innocent about it. I guess he really knows something is wrong.
“I know you know what I’m talking about. Just so you know, I’m here if you want someone to talk to.” He answered me. Now, I’m sure he knew it. But no, I won’t tell it to anyone. It was just nothing….I guess.
“Aish, you’re being paranoid oppa. By the way, thank you oppa for bringing me there to celebrate with you. I’m really happy.” I answered trying to change again our topic.
“Ani, it’s nothing. By the way, thank you for the gift. I really love it!!!!! It’s really cute just like me!!! I really thought you forgot my birthday.” He said. Thank God, he’s getting misled.
“Ah, jinjja? You loved it? Of course, how would I forget my oppa’s birthday? I would be then, the worst sister ever!” I said, trying to be cheerful for him to forget.
“Yoseob and Dongwoon are even fighting to ask to have it.” he said proudly.
“Maya, I want that too on my birthday!!!” I heard Yoseob shouted at the back.
“Me too!!! My birthday is still far but I accept early gifts!!!” Dongwoon shouted. I laughed again as soon as I heard them.
“Oppa, put me on speaker.” I asked.
“Okay.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll give each one of you soon if you all win triple crowns!” I said. Then I heard Yoseob and Dongwoon cheered.
“That was easy! Of course, we can! But promise me, I’ll have one too.” Junhyung shouted out of nowhere. I was surprised to hear that side of him. He also wanted to have that bear and I just chuckled.
“Of course!!! Junhyung oppa, Yoseob oppa, Dongwoon oppa, Kikwang oppa and uhm…” I said cheerfully, “Doojoon-ssi” I finished. I rather call him formally. I just feel awkward after what happened. And that's what I've been calling him ever since, right?
“Jinjja? Also me?!! Yehey!!!” Kikwang oppa shouted like a kid. I laughed again.
“So do well, araseo?”
“Ne!!!” the all four shouted like a kids. I laughed once again. It felt so nice. And by just talking to them, I was able to feel better. Not until I realized, I didn’t heard Doojoon speak. That was better.
“Yah, what’s that noise?” then just like someone has heard me again, Doojoon shouted out of nowhere, sounding like he just woke up.
“Hyung!!! Maya is going to give each one of us a prize if we won triple crowns!!!” Yoseob said. Oppa, you don’t have to tell him, you know. I don’t know if would be a good idea for him.
“Ah really? Then I guess I have to do well also. Is there also one for me?” that was an unexpected response from him. That was the first time he talked like that to me. Just when I’m about to pull away, he’s going closer. I was shocked and I realized I took time before I answered.
“Uhm…ne.” I answered awkwardly. Then I heard a button is pressed from the other line.
“Hey, I’m back. The speaker is off.” Hyunseung oppa said. Thank you oppa for saving me from that awkwardness.
“Oppa, you better start practicing. The other members seem more inspired to do well.” I said.
“Well, how about me since I already have one?” he asked.
“Uhm… let me think. I’ll treat you to dinner. Would that be okay?” I suggested.
“Dinner? You better be not regretting that. It would be better if it’s just the two of us.” He answered.
“Of course! Because I can’t treat everyone anyway.” We both chuckled.
“I have to go. See you in school and on THURSDAY.” Oppa said and exphasized on Thursday.
“No need to emphasize that. Of course, I’m going. Who B2uty would let that comeback stage pass? Annyeong oppa! Himnaeyo! Hwaiting!” I shouted then he agreed and hung up. And with that long conversation I had, I felt better not until I heard Doojoon again. Why is he acting like that suddenly? Oh I guess he’s now in good mood since they’re now together. I smiled painfully to myself and sighed. It do hurts but what could I do?
DOOJOON’S POV
I was here lying on the practice room floor trying to take a nap since i still have this hangover to get rid off. My mind was stil filled with what happened last night. First, my feelings about Gayoon. And that kiss appeared to be nothing for me. What happened to those feelings? And lastly, the way the well-mannered girl acted last night. There’s something wrong and my mind got nothing to think about what caused that. I want to know. I was about to fall asleep when I heard Hyunseung on the phone again. I tried not to move and pretend that I was asleep so he wouldn’t notice I am listening.
“Yah, you didn’t texted me if you arrived home last night safely!!!” he shouted at her. That’s right, she didn’t texted anyone!!!! I was worried too!!!! But seriously, shouting like that, Hyunseung? So not you.
“Mianhae, I’m just dying out of concern here. Did you arrive safely? Is there anything happened on you way home? Is your head aching? Do you feel something bad right now?” he asked. Exactly what I wanted to ask. That’s good, I want to know what happened last night.
“Yah, what’s that attitude for? Okay, that’s good to hear. I’m happy you’re safe. But are you sure you’re really okay? Is there something you want to tell me?” he asked again. That’s good, Hyunseung. Ask more. But how would I know what she’ll say? That’s unfair!
“Just so you wanted to talk about things you can’t talk with others, I’m perfectly open for it.” Me too. I open for a talk too. If only I could say that to her. What so hard with that, Doojoon? If your dongsaeng could, you could also right? Now, you’re back again, evil guy on my mind!
“Is that Maya? Maya, are you okay? Did you arrived safely?” Yoseob asked as he grabbed Hyunseung’s phone. I guess this little kid here is concerned as well. Can you see how many people are concerned right now?
“Yah, give me that back!!!!” he said as he snatched his phone back.
“Aish, that midget!!!! Ah mianhae about that. That Yoseob is goofing around again. Oh, we don’t anything for today. We’re just practicing. Yah, you sure come on Thursday on our comeback stage!!! If not, I will sue you!!! I reserved you your backstage pass.” He said. I’m also expecting her to be there. Her presence, I need it. I remembered how I did during our practice when she’s watching. I want that encouragement, I guess? I don’t know either why but there’s something on her that made me like that.
“Oh sure if she’s really nice to my dongsaeng! By the way, I’m happy that I could hear you laugh again.” Hyunseung said again, now sounding serious. He must be knew that there’s something wrong on her. He really know her well. That's quite a sad thing to me but I don't know why.
“I know you know what I’m talking about. Just so you know, I’m here if you want someone to talk to.” He’s really being so nice to her. I haven’t seen this side of Hyunseung. I suddenly felt guilty. I don’t know why. Maybe because Hyunseung could be that nice to her but all I could do is being cold with her whenever I’m being a pointless jealous guy.
“Ani, it’s nothing. By the way, thank you for the gift. I really love it!!!!! It’s really cute just like me!!! I really thought you forgot my birthday.” He said happily, I slightly peek in to see his face, and I was annoyed again. He was very smiling widely while pinching those cheeks of that bear she gave him. I thought she really forgot his birthday. So he's also special to her.
“Yoseob and Dongwoon are even fighting to ask to have it.”
“Maya, I want that too on my birthday!!!” Yoseob said while his eyes are still on his PSP.
“Me too!!! My birthday is still far but I accept early gifts!!!” Same with Dongwoon, they’re having those crazy matches again.
“Don’t worry, I’ll give each one of you soon if you all win triple crowns!” then suddenly I heard her voice. I opened my eyes to look because of excitement. I thought she was here. Damn, his phone was just in a speakerphone mode!!! But that’s better, I could hear her voice. I smiled to myself. She does sound better than yesterday. I pretend to sleep more to listen to their silly conversation about that bear. And those maknaes are also asking some?
“That was easy! Of course, we can! But promise me, I’ll have one too.” Then out of nowhere, I heard Junhyung said that. That Joker also wants a bear? That's not the Junhyung I knew. But how about Pikachu then?
“Of course!!! Junhyung oppa, Yoseob oppa, Dongwoon oppa, Kikwang oppa and uhm…” then I heard she said. She stopped for a while. Yeah, my name isn’t called. What about me then?
“…Doojoon-ssi.” she finally uttered. Then, I just realized that she called everyone oppa. But when it comes to me, she’s very formal. Why? Am I really being that cold to her and feels uncomfortable with me? But what about last night? I thought we’re already okay?
“Jinjja? Also me?!! Yehey!!!” I heard Kikwang shouted.
“So do well, araseo?” she said. I guess I should lessen this gap between us. I hate that. I hate that gap. I want her to be comfortable with me just like with the others. Just like with Hyunseung. Damn, I’m being a jealous head again!!!
“Yah, what’s that noise?” I shouted, trying to act that I was awaken by their talk. I slowly sat up and pretend to brush my eyes with my hand.
“Hyung!!! Maya is going to give each one of us a prize if we won triple crowns!!!” Yoseob shouted.
“Ah really? Then I guess I have to do well also. Is there also one for me?” I said, trying my luck to have a proper conversation with her, just like last night after she sang. How I complimented her and how she smiled comfortably as I said that.
“Uhm…ne.” she simply answered. The cheerfulness on her voice as she talked to other was gone as she talked to me. Why is she like that? Then as I was about to try my luck again…
“Hey, I’m back. The speaker is off.” Hyunseung said. Now, you’re being selfish again Jang Hyunseung!!!!! What the hell was that for? I ‘m about to try to talk to her and you just ed by putting that speaker off!!!!!! In trying to control my anger, I laid down again on the floor, looking at the ceiling. I pretend I was not listening anymore by putting my earphones on, pretending I was listening to something.
“Well, how about me since I already have one?” Hyunseung said again. What does he want now? Is he asking something not material from her? What do you want Jang Hyunseung???!!!
“Dinner? You better be not regretting that. It would be better if it’s just the two of us.” Then he finally said it. So you want dinner? But just the two of you? In short, you want a date with her? My blood starts to boil as the realization come into my mind. I’m still clueless of what’s happening to me and now I’m getting angry by that dinner he was referring to. I don’t want to hear anymore of their talk so I start playing my iPhone then. Then ‘A Bitter Day’ starts playing. It was a surprise since it was on shuffle. Then I remembered last night, how she sang this song. I could still clearly remembered how she sings it, how her voice soothes me. How my heart beats and gave me goosebumps as she sang it. How I love staring at her. How I love talking to her. Now I guess I’m pretty sure what’s going on with me. But I still feel responsible for Gayoon’s heart. I don’t want to hurt her. She’s still important to me. But everything is different now. Some girl just showed herself on me but then messed up everything. Do have to admit this to myself now? Do I have to to admit that I’m starting to like her?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Comments