Letting go?
Love at First Act
HYUNSEUNG’S POV
My classes are almost finished, I’ve only got one left but that’ll be after an hour. I decided to spend that sleeping. I am married to Sleep and I just can’t let the opportunity to pass not to be with her on my spare time. I’ve been missing to be with her these past few days because of how busy I am. So I’ve decided to sleep again on my favorite place inside the campus, the abandoned park. Why? Because it seems no one appreciates its beauty and no one bothers coming there. But seriously, that place is really daebak!!! But still, I’ll be happy if still no one would appreciate it besides me so I can have it all by myself. I wonder where is Maya right now. What is she doing right now? I guess I wouldn’t able to see her since Doojoon hyung will be very busy these next few days. I really want to see her! But wait, why did she came up in my mind out of nowhere? No, no, I’m not thinking about her. I’m just wondering about her whereabouts. Right, Hyunseung? Then after walking unconsciously, ‘cause I really want to sleep and I didn’t know since when I got here, I finally reached my favorite bench/bed/sleeping area, Hyunseung’s bench!!!!! I lay myself on that bench and looked at the sky. Woah, it’s really blue!!!!! Mr. Sky, see you later, I’m just going to be with my wife, Sleep. I put my fedora in my face so not to be blinded by the rays of the light while I’m sleeping. As I can feel I’m about to fall asleep, I heard footsteps coming. Huh?! Someone has finally got an eye for this place except for me??? I tried to ignore whoever that was because my wife would be angry if I don’t sleep. But then my curiosity is going to haunt me and I, still wouldn’t able to sleep. I peek to side of my fedora to look who or whatever that was. And what I saw was too pleasing to see. I even heard my heart got excited. It’s Maya!!!!! Sorry Sleep, I guess we can’t be together right now. But I promise, I’ll make it up to you. I just really want to see her right now.
I tried to stay the way I am before she came and watching every move she makes through the side of my fedora. She sat down, put on her earphones, find a comfortable way for her body to relax and looking up to the sky before she closed her eyes. Okay, that’s my cue then! I got up from the bench and approached her silently, not ruining the moment she has having now. I sat beside her and I know she felt it but didn’t bother to look up. She’s almost asleep, I guess. I stared at her sleeping face and now, I appreciate more how beautiful she is with those sunrays lighting up her face. I smiled while looking at her. It wasn’t bad idea at all if I happen to like this girl. Then she suddenly moved and I thought she’s going to wake up already. No, no, stay still. I enjoy looking at you while sleeping. But then, she continues to sleep. Then I noticed she dropped one of her earpiece but didn’t bother to pick it up. I guess she’s really sleeping. I stared at her again then suddenly I saw her smiled a bit. Aww~ cute!!!! Is she dreaming already? Or maybe because of the song? I carefully pick up the other earpiece and put it on. As I listen to it… Woah!!! It’s our song!!!!! Then as I listened to it more, it was Doojoon hyung’s part. But w-wait, is she smiling to Doojoon’s part? And it wasn’t an ordinary smile, it’s full of…emotion, I guess? Does she like him? But she said I’m her favorite!!! I stared at her again while listening. When Yoseob and my part came, the smile faded. So that smile was for hyung then. Suddenly I felt my heart clenched. It hurts. I tried to shift my gaze to the sky and rest my head at the backrest, closed my eyes and start singing my part, trying to forget how it hurts not to earn a smile from her like that. And I know she can now hear me. I felt movements beside me, and I know she’s looking at me with a surprise look even if my eyes are closed.
“Hyun—seung?” she said, quite stuttering. I gathered my strength to forget that pain I was saying and opened my eyes and looked at her, smiling. At least, I’ve got to see her again.
“Annyeong!” I greeted, “I see, you’re listening to our song.” I continued and she quite blushed. You’re so cute!
“Uhmm… ne. Have you been here for a while?” she asked.
“Yeah, I got here first! Don’t you know I own this place?” I joked.
“Oh, I don’t know. Am I bothering you? I guess I leave then.” She said, sounding afraid. Yah, I’m kidding! She was almost standing but I grabbed her arm.
“Yah, I’m just kidding. Well, I got surprised someone came here besides me. And I’m glad it was you. Anja!” I said pointing at the space beside me, trying to earn her heart. What am I exactly doing right now?
“So you’re the guy sleeping there?” she asked and pointed at the other bench. I just nodded.
“No one comes here besides you? But how come? This place is really beautiful!!!” she said with a confuse face. I love staring at her with every expression she makes!
“Not until now, I’ve got someone with me now. Let me see you iPod and let me see what music do you like.” I said and she shyly grabbed her iPod from her bag and handed it to me. I run my finger throughout her playlist. All songs are KPOP, I see. So this girl is a big fan then. I looked over again and realized it’s almost our songs!!!!!! But I noticed that it wasn’t most our song, but… FT ISLAND’s? Oh she’s a Primadonna too?
“You got all our songs here but it’s mostly FT ISLAND? Do you love them more than us? Oh, I’m jealous.” I said, acting like a kid. But seriously I felt jealousy. First was Doojoon hyung then now, FT ISLAND?
“Actually, they are my first love.” She said, shyly and lowered her head. I see, FT ISLAND debuted two years ahead of us, that’s why. I can’t be jealous of that then. If only we debuted earlier, or if only I debuted with Big Bang, maybe I’ll be her first love too. W-wait, Hyunseung, stop thinking about love right now. It’s not the best for you.
“I guess I shouldn’t be jealous then since you love us also, right?” I said and she lifted her head and nodded. I can feel she’s staring at me while busying myself looking at her iPod. I enjoy this, her, staring at me.
“Oh, you really love KPOP? I never saw any English songs here.” I said, while still looking at her iPod and her, still looking at me. I should stop myself from this short-term enjoyment.
“Maya, may I know why do you choose me as you favorite?” I bravely asked. This is a moment of truth for me. I really want to know what she has for me. Then suddenly I noticed her, tensed up a bit, then blushed. I guess she’s shy about that. She looked up on me and exhaled before talking. Why am I getting nervous?
“Uhmm… I really love the way you sing, it’s very soulful, full of passion. And that passion running all over you while singing shows when you’re doing some freestyle dancing. And for me, the music starts to get into me just before I look for some translations. It even sometimes gave me goosebumps. You really are a good artist for me.” She said and smiled warmly. Yeah, that’s it. She only admire me as an artist nothing else. She didn’t mention something like, “I love your smile”, “The look in your eyes makes my heart stop”. I feel something pinching me within my chest. It’s really painful. But now, at least, she appreciates me and my music. She really has an ear for a good music. I chuckled within my mind, trying to forget the pain. I guess I’ll consider her only as dongsaeng then. Let the future do something for itself. I’ll just go with the flow without thinking much about what I feel for her.
“Oh really? You know, you have a best pair of ears!!!!” I said as I held her in both of her shoulder then we both laughed. I love how we laugh together. I guess it’ll be a best decision to let her be a dongsaeng. I don’t want to ruin this starting friendship between us. I believe that those fights, misunderstandings involving love were the worst ones. I don’t want to have those with her if I start something romantic to her.
“You know what? You should call me oppa! I’m 4 years older than you!” I said, nudging her a bit.
“Yeah, right. 4 years older but acting 4 years younger than me.” she joked. She’s starting to get comfortable with me and I love it.
“Yah! I’m not!” I said, trying to act younger than her. I love how we start to get playful with each other.
“Arasso…OPPA!” she shouted. I smiled then playfully hugged her, no romantic feelings anymore. Just an oppa to dongsaeng feeling.
“Omo, it’s almost time. I hate to leave you here but I really have to now. I still have class and I really have to catch up. You know, just like Doojoon hyung. I don’t want to get paired to an exchange student just like him. But if it’s you, I wouldn’t mind then.” I said and I mean what I said. “Let me have your phone.” I added and she confusingly handed me her phone and I dialed my phone number so it’ll register to my phone. Of course I want to get in touch with her.
“If you need help or anything, just contact me, arasso?”
“Ne, oppa! Komawo!~ Take care. See you… some other time I guess? Annyeong!” she said cutely and I just pinched her cheeks. I just nodded and walk away from her. I turned back again and waved at her and she does the same while smiling. I prefer this one, being just an oppa to her. It’ll be the best for us. The best thing for me since I know she has something for Doojoon hyung and I don’t want to intervene with that.
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