---

Maybe it’s like she fooling herself said it beautiful night,

but she just want to stay positive, and keep strong.

---

 

Not really beautiful night.

 

 

“Beautiful night...” Taeyeon mumbled while keep  starred at sky trough the window. She sat infront of big window and drank coffee.

Honestly it’s not really beautiful night because no moon shining at the sky, also no stars hanging glowly there. In fact sky was dark, very dark and rain fell hard too with light thundering everywhere.

Maybe it’s like she fooling herself said it beautiful, but she just want to stay positive, and keep strong.

She took another sip her coffee again which make her more warm, relaxed and comfortable while keep enjoying her beautiful night scenery. Enjoy? Maybe not, her eyes maybe starring at sky, but her mind absoutely flying everywhere, thinking about future, present and past.

Her mind still flying until her phone rang, snapped Taeyeon to her reality. Without saw the caller id, she pick up the phone.

 

“Hello, This is Taeyeon?”

“Ah ne, Sorry who is it?”

“TAEYEON-AH!!!!! You forget me? I’m Sooyoung!!!! Where have you been!!!!?”

‘Ah another person from the past’

“Oh Sooyoung, i’m at Japan now. How you get my number?”

“In Japan? Wow i thought that news was wrong, you were at Japan and become a Med student. Catch up dream?”

“Yes. From who you get my number?”

“I get your number from your mother, how are you? It’s really hard to find you!!

‘I know, because i want leave all my past behind’

“Fine, there’s something you really want to tell me? If it’s not really important, i’ll hang up the call, i kinda busy, sorry.”

“Hmm, seem you changing! Where’s cute bubbly funny taengoo? Ah you really busy? What are you doing now? Having fun in the night huh? You know Soshi club will have gathering, if you not busy please come here!!!”

‘cute bubbly funny Taengoo? She was died 3 years ago, Soo.’

“Hm, okay, but i won’t promise. Just tell me the time, you can text me. Is there anything  else you want tell me?”

“Okay!!! And do  you know Tiffany will marry soon!”

‘Oh.  That fast’

“She’ll marry at Christmast day!”

‘Oh that beautiful, the same day when she.....”

“She have been searcing you! But she found nothing, she said she want you the first who hear her marriage news”

‘Oh. Really?’

“But she can’t found you.”

‘Oh. I’m sure she’ll never found me.’

“Taeyeon? Taeyeon, are you still there?”

‘And i’m sure, after this i’ll change my number’

“Ah yes, i’m sorry. So there’s anything you want to tell me again?”

“Ah you acting weird. What happend with you?”

“Nothing. I’m just busy.”

“Okay, okay Ms.Busy, sorry distrubing you~~~~! Byebye taeyeonah!”

 

Click. Taeyeon hang up her phone without said anything. Suddenly weird feeling round herself, also she felt something heavy on her heart. Maybe her heart aching again, or maybe her hurtful memories refreshed again after  hearing about Tiffany.

She took a sip again her coffee. But it can't make her warm, relaxed and comfortable again because the coffee already cold and more bitter, like her heart now.

She realized exactly what make her feel troubled, sick, sad, angry, regret, even happy at same time. Yap, her memories with her, with her who always make Taeyeon comfortable, with her who always make Taeyeon changed better, with her who always make Taeyeon felt secured, Taeyeon memories with her, with Tiffany Hwang.

 

“ the world! the live! everything! God! Why you just make her die!!! Or just kill me!!”

She shouted and throwing the glass to the floor. Her breath more heavier than before.

“I hate you until i die! I mad at you forever! I’l never want to see you again!!!!

 Just leave me alone!!!!”

She shouted and start punching glass of window madly. The more she punch the glass of window, more her memories with Tiffany clearer, memories keep replay on Taeyeon mind.

Crack, the glass is broken, her fist bleeding so hard. But, she didn’t feel the ache in her fist.

Because,

Her heart,

Is aching more than her fist.

 

“Tiffan Hwang.... Why you left me behind?”

 

She sat lifelessly and start sobbed.

 

“You never know how much i care for you or how happy when you’re beside me or how much i feel secure and comfortable when you’re beside me.  You will never know, never know!

 Because you’re blind! You never see me, you never see me who always beside you, who always catching you when you fall, who always giving you a shoulder when you cry...”

She chuckled bitterly.

“Okay maybe i wrong too, i’m not telling you about this my feeling. But you know, it’s hard for me to express my self with a word. And i don’t really understand what this feeling, this is care, like or love or what?! Hahaha isn’t ridicolous if i tell you that i  love you? You might think me a Gay, lesbian, dirty human, sinful person!

But wait?

Who the first gay? It’s you Fany-ah!

Sooyoung and Yuri told me how much you adore me and liking me, and you repeat saying ‘ If Taeyeon a boy, i would really love to being her girlfriend’. Ah yes, you’re a gay.

Then you keep cling at me, give me a lunch every breaktime, watch me when i’ve Taekwondo practice, texting me everynight and call me every morning.

And when a transfer  student come to my class, you become more more weird.

Suddenly you acting so cold to me. Also you cry so hard when see my picture with her.

You’re so gay fany-ah..

But somehow, you've a magic which make me more comfortable beside you.”

 

Taeyeon body more relaxed when her good memories with  Tiffany take over her mind.

 

“Then i told to her, not so close to me, just for you Fany, just for you. And you’re comeback for me..

Remember Fany? When i save you from almost get hit from the bus because you cross the road careless? I hug you very tight, but you start giggling, i told you how much it’s danger, and how if you die, you just keep giggling and kiss my cheek.

And do you remember? When  you ask me why  i like put my back pack not my back but infront of my chest? I told you because it’s warm, and like i hugged by someone. But you hate it, because it’s look weird, and you told me, if i need a hug, i can hug you, then you hug me tightly and ran.

Do you remember? Do you remember our memories?

I guess you're not remember it.”

 

She inhale a deep breath when a bad memories approached her.

 

“But you  changing when he come. Oh i forget his name, Suwon, Suyeon, Si  yeon... Ah right Siwon, your soon husband.

You keep telling me about him, how nice he was, how cool he was, how smart and lovely he was, and how much he look a like me.

Then i ask you, you love him because he look like me?

You keep quite. Then i guess, that’s right. You like him because he is the male version of me, and there's normal to love a man who like me, right?

And you forget, to whom you fall in love first.....

Cruel life, cruel love, cruel fate!

After that you keep a distance from me, we’re not hanging out together again, and when i text you, you never reply, and when i call you , you reject it.

It’s hurt Fany.

IT’S HURT!!!!!!!!!!!

HOW CAN YOU DO THAT TO ME???!!!!”

 

Her body tensed up again.

 

“You postponed our ‘date’. Until i beg you to watch a movie with me at Christmas, and you agree with it. I come little bit late because i prepare little gift for you.

But...

You shouted at me,  i only waste your time....

I followed you, and you told me to stop, then i saw that boy waving his hand, and you ran approached him.

Without any goodbye, you left me..

It’s hurt.

And then i realize that my turning point and yours too. You change, i’ll change too.

My eyes and mind clear now.

It’s only me, it’s only me who always care and love you. And you’re not giving back.”

 

She smiled bitterly and start sobbed.

 

“Then i texted you with a long text. Telling you how  much i love you, how much you hurt me. Telling you you’re the best, you’re the one, you’re my everything.

I wait for your answer, but you never reply my text.

And this is the end right? Hahaha.

I start delete our photo, our video and unfollow all your social media. I’m coward right? But this hurt, i can’t take this hurt anymore. I want you’re no longer on my life. Or i’ll just ran far away from you, and forgetting all.

Then i take test for Tokyo  University Medical school, and i’m not fail at it.  Is that mean God want me to forget you right haha!

 

And three month pass, bad luck for me, i recieve a text from you at the day i went to Japan”

 

Taeyeon stood up approached the wall, and hit it with her tremble fist.

 

“You told me that you was wrong, you told me that you was fool, you said sorry and want we back together like a first.

YOU NOT HAVE A HEART TIFFANY!!!!

YOU HURT ME SO BAD!!!!! THEN YOU JUST SAID SORRY AND WANT US BACK TOGETHER?!!!

You think it easy for me to forget your mistake? My heart already torn into pieces! And you just said sorry?! After three month Tiffany!!!!!!! You just said sorry?!!!

I cry for you everynight waiting for your answer!!! But you?!!!!

ARRRRRRGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

 

She hitted the wall madly, she didn’t care about the pain. Althought her fist already covered by the blood she keep hitted the wall madly.

 

“I hate you Tiffany! You never appreciate me!!!!! You never appreciete my care, my love, and all the things i do for you!!!!!

You only play with my heart, you only hurting me!!!!!!!

I’ll never forgive you!!!!!!

I’ll never ever forget how much you hurting me!!!!!!

I’ll nev—“

 

She stopped hitting and shouting when she felt someone gave her backhug. Her body relaxed in a second.

 

“Taeyeon-ah, stop it. You only hurting your self” The girl whispered, giving a hot air to Taeyeon neck, make Taeyeon more relaxed.

“Don’t worry i’ll always beside you, never leave you, never change or betray you like who is it? Umm Tiffany Hwang right? The person who told you to keep distant to me when we in highschool”

Hear the girl said Tiffany name, Taeyeon body’s tensed up again.

“Sshhh, relax Taeyeon. I promise, i’ll always make you happy and comfortable. Let’s forget the past, let’s forget that bad girl. And lets create our future.”

“Thank you Jessica. I only have you in this world, so please don’t leave me.” Taeyeon said with soft voice.

“You’re welcome honey. Let’s clean your wound. It’s look hurtful, don’t do it again okay?!”

Taeyeon nodded slowly. Then she recieved gentle kiss from Jessica.

“Let’s go.” Jessica gave reassuring smile to Taeyeon.

 

‘Maybe it’s not beautiful night but atleast i have her beside me, i have you beside me. Thank you Jessica, thank you.’ She said in her mind.