When you fall asleep.

When we sleep together, I’m always the one who wake up first. For some reasons, I like wake up first before you, I like watching you sleeping. My creepy habit, you always called it like that. You should know that watch people when they’re sleeping isn’t that creepy, it’s strangely calming and some how pleasing.

I can see your eyes are closed, also I can see your long eye leashes and thick eye brows really fit with your face. Your chest moving up and down slowly as a sign you are deep in your sleep. I often touch your face; touch your pointed nose, wipe your soft lips and caress you cheeks, I know you won’t feel it because you are deep in your sleep. You are very beautiful when you fall asleep, even more when you are wake up. Then if you wake up, you will shock then hit me. And because of you are a deep slumber, you will close your eyes again, kiss me and back to sleep. I like when you do that, it’s cute.

Beside watch you in your sleep, wake up first give me chance to think about many things; about you and me, about my feelings and yours, about our life, our relationship, and our future.

I won’t deny the important fact that I love you also I have told you about loving you is the easiest thing in the world but world make it isn’t easy. Why? It’s because we have same gender, girl. When I’m with you, I forget about world doesn’t accept love in same gender, but when I’m alone it become my main problem, it’s haunting me, make me feel disgust at my self, make me feel bad to act about loving you with all my heart. I love you, I really love you but— I’m not brave enough to declare it and accept my self.

And it’s never hard to loving you. You can be anything in the same time; perfect lover, good friends, best advisor, inspirational figure, beauty advisor, personal trainer and many things. You are funny, easy to talk, smart, gentle and warm. No need talk about your physical, you are beauty enough to make people jaws drop. Everyone can love you without effort. I love you and I don’t want to let you go.

My heart says: I love you and I don’t want to let you go.

Then my brain come: But she’s a girl.

I’m confused with my self, I love you but you are a girl. I always said to you that I hope you are a boy so I can have a normal relationship with you and even marry then have 3 child with you. But again I can forget about the fact that you are a girl, and love between a girl doesn’t accepted by the world and society.

I always think about this while watch you in your sleep—

 “Tae.. you watch me when I fall asleep again?” she said with voice thick with sleep then rubbed her eyes.
I nodded and smile, “You will call me a creepy woman again?”
“Yes, my creepy woman.” She kissed me on my lips, “I love you.”
“I love you too.” She smile, hug me tighter and rest her head on my chest,

And when you wake up with smile and kiss me, I will forget about the rest.