Heart.

 

Jessica sat in her wheel chair facing the bright sky under the tree, it was her routine now, staying in Hospital or exactly the Healer Garden, enjoying her life or rather i said counting her day to the death. Irony, but she already accepted it, she had a unique heart, her heart beat so slow very very slow, she doesn’t know what the name of disease, she just know it was severe disease and it could make her die so fast.

Unfortunately the disease haven’t a cure, so the only thing she can do is live her life without any burden, misery, anger, and such useless feelings. And dr.Hwang play a role in here, dr. Hwang or she called her self Tiffany was her private doctor also bestfriend from she was born, they born in same hospital, grow up in the same district, they were become inseperateable. Only once Tiffany left Jessica, and it caused she got a scholarship in German. For Tiffany, Jessica not only her bestfriend, she was her sister, her mother, her everything and the biggest reason she want to be a doctor, learn so hard, accept a scholarship in German, it’s only for Jessica, for heal Jessica heart disease.

Tiffany nature was only reason she could smile. Her mighty aegyo, high pitch voice, lame joke, eyesmile, crazyness, her protective atittude and outstanding caring, it was perfect for Jessica. Maybe her life already full of that pink doctor, but her was heart still empty.

-\\\-

 

“Jessi..” Tiffany said in gently voice tried to not shock her.

“Hey Tiff.”

“I call you from last 5 minute, but you not answer, something wrong? Are you hurt? You want back to your room? I’ll accompany you” She said as she bend down and gave Jessica gent squeeze on her hands.

“No, i’m healthy you know..”

“Really?”

“Yup doctor” She gave Tiffany reassured smile.

“Okay, then why you spacing out? You look something interesting?”

“No, no, i’m just—“

Tiffany followed Jessica gaze and she saw a doctor who play with a little girl.

“THAT’S dr.Kim!!”

“Oh god Tiff, don’t yell like that, you know my—”

“Sorry, sorry, sorry i just too excited, she was my senior when we at collage” She said as gave Jessica the only one medicine, her hug.

Tiffany broke the hug when she felt Jessica breath normal again.

“You want to know her?”

“No Thanks Tiff.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“You lie, come on, i can read your mind my dearest ice princess”

“No Tiff, really.”

“Aww don’t be shy..” Tiffany push her wheelchair gently closer to dr.Kim.

 

“Taeta— Hello dr.Kim” Tiffany beamed her eyesmile.

“Hello Ppany-ah~”

“Stop being cute in here, I want you to know, my sister, my bestfriend, my private patient, my eveeeeeeerything”

“Stop overcolour it Tiff” Jessica said.

“Hehe sorry, this is Jessica Jung, and Jessi this cute midget is dr.Kim Taeyeon the best pediatrician in Koreaa!”

 

Taeyeon bent down and extended her arms.

“Hello Sica, it’s been a while right?”

 

“Wait, you have know eachother before this?”

Taeyeon noded and smile while Jessica shook her head.

“You two weird, what ever. dr Kim can you take a look Jessi for awhile, i want do visit for my other patient, is it okay?”

“My pleasure dr Hwang.” She smile sweetly.

There was akward silence between them.

“It’s little bit hot in here, let’s move to under the tree okay?”

Jessica didn’t answer she keep silent, while Taeyeon just pushing the wheelchair. Jessica mind travelling to her past. Her past about her and Taeyeon, one thing she hide from Tiffany is her secret about when Tiffany went to German, Taeyeon and her had unnamed relationship, they could be called a couple but they were never confess to eachother. In that time, Taeyeon was the one who take care of her, the one who sleep with her, acompany her, hug her, kiss her, love her and ofcourse cure her.

 

“Do you want to drink something?”

Jessica didn’t answer Taeyeon.

“Hey, you want drink something?”

She keep ignore her.

“You know Jess, the one who should ignoring is me, because you the one who left me”

Taeyeon bent down as she caressed Jessica cheek.

 

Yes she was the one who left Taeyeon, but she left for the good in her opinion. Ofcourse she left because she afraid about her disease, what if Taeyeon hurt so bad if she was die, what if Taeyeon couldn’t move on, and other what if on her mind. But opposite with Taeyeon, she want love her until her last breath, she want make her happy until her last breath, she want heal her with her care and her love, she would do anything, just for Jessica.

 

“I understand why you leaving me, you afraid right?” Taeyeon said  as she lift Jessica face .

“Sorry..” Jessica mouthed.

“No, no please don’t feel sorry, i was completely understand” Taeyeon held Jessica hand and caressed it.

 

“You know i’m happy that i met Tiffany.”

“I don’t know you have know Tiffany before she left to German Tae.”

“Either me, i don’t know she the one who take care of you before me.”

“She’s my keeper Tae, she always take care of me, especially my heart.”

“Really? Speaking of heart.... Don’t you know i still love you?”

 

Jessica heart start beating uncontrolable.

 

“Yeah time goes so fast, but my heart still your own.”

 

Taeyeon breath deeply.

 

“Can you open again your heart?”

“Can we make our love truthfully?”

“Can i hold your hand and never let it go?”

“Can i? Can you? Can we?”

 

Jessica keep silent, clunched her t-shirt upon her heart and saw to Taeyeon who started showing her tears.

 

“Please  don’t be afraid about your disease, we can beat it all, just don’t give up, don’t give up to our love please!!”

“I’ll always by your side, no matter what! I’ll always make you smile, no matter what!! Please Sica, i need your love, i need your love.”

 

Jessica start breath rapidly, she can’t take it all, too much, everythings was too much, too much untold thought on her mind, too much unspoken words on her lips, too much weight on her heart.

 

“Tae.. stop..”

 “Sica please i need your love!!”

 

She start felt dizziness.

 

 “I know Tae but please stop..”

 “But Sica!”

 

Her gaze start blurry.

 

“I can’t take it all....”

“My dear please! I love you!!!”

 

Her head hunging low.

 

“I know..”

“I really love you!!!”

 

“But i sti—“

But everything went black before she could finish her sentence.

 

 

-\\\-

 

“Tae! What the hell are you doing?!!! I know you love her, but her heart is more important now! She can’t take something bad on her heart, she can’t be unhappy, she should be happy! That’s only way she can still alive!!!” Tiffany yelled between her sobs.

“Sorry, but—“

“No but Tae! If you want help me, help Jessi, make her happy, and take everything slowly. Because if i’m right..”

Tiffany paused and took a deep breath.

“She only have 30 days in this world...”

“No! Impossible.”

“As a doctor, should i say it is very possible! As a religions person should i say, i surrender everything to God, As a family, i say it’s impossible and i wouldn’t accept it! So everything depends us Tae. I want make her life longer, so i want make her happy.”

Taeyeon froze at that time, she couldn’t believe that her love will left her so fast.

“Me too.”

“So let’s make her happy.” Tiffany left Taeyeon and went her room.

They didn’t someone hear all their conversation and cried silently.

 

 

-\\\-

 

D-30

I decided to make this, after heard Tiffany and Taeng conversation about my death.

My death, hahaha. My death....

At first i was scary, sad, and cried. But now, i just realize that everybody in this world will pass the gate of death, and the matter is only time right?

Now i’m happy i will death soon. Atleast i’m not burdening Tiff again^^, but i wondering, how about her if i’m gone? I afraid she will cry endlessly, i don’t want her like that.

You know Tiff, if i’m gone, i prohibit you to cry!! Because your eyesmile will wrecked if you cry too much! Just you know, i’m on heaven and watching you, so you shouldn’t sad Tiff, please don’t cry^^.

 

D-27

Today is Sunday, and Tiff have no work. And we decided go to mall, yay shopping!

But still, she was afraid too much, but after she found something pink, she forget about my disease and take me around the mall, honestly it was tiring but it’s really fun, since i’ve ony 27 day in the world hehe, but i wonder maybe heaven in more beautiful than this right?

When i’m dinner with Tiffany in her favourite Italy restaurant, i found Taeyeon, then we dinner together. Something supicious happened there, Taeyeon give me a bucket of flower and Tiffany singing my favourite romantic song, it’s like she already planned everything. Oh Tiff, you’re my bestfriend, Thank you for helping me close again to her.

 

D-23

Tiffany was busy with her patient today, she had many surgery to take, so she can’t acompanny me No wonder, she was a populer doctor, she was specialist heart, graduated from the best Medical school in Geman, also she was beautiful and so kind, i was lucky she become my private doctor haha. Today Taeyeon acompany me, she was all day long with me. We talk many thing, she feeding me, singing for me, and etc but she didn’t tell about her love again.

Maybe she didn’t want to push me, but i still feel her love.

And i love her too.

 

So?

I don’ know..

 

 

D-20

I hate it. My body get more weary today, so i can’t went shopping with Tiffany

She scolded me like she was my mommy when i whinned to her i want go to Mall, oh my Tiff, you care too much, but thanks! Without you i was nothing really.

You always told to me to get more rest, but i think you need rest more. You already spent your night acompany me, like this night, you fall asleep beside me again.

So Tiff, when i die, you should get more rest okay?!

 

D-15

15 days to go to Heaven, yay!

I’m happy that i will meet my creator soon and stay in Heaven, but i sad how about Tiffany and ummhh Taeng. Speaking of Taeng, she gave me a beautiful suprise today.

She decorate my room full, with flower, many kind of flower and she told me that every flower in my room have own meaning, she explain it but i think it’s too much i don’t really remember it.

And at the end, she told me that she still love me.

There was a little embarrassing moment, when i facing Taeyeon, Tiffany push Taeyeon, make Taeyeon incidentally kiss me. But we didn’t broke the kiss, i don’t know why. After i broke the kiss, she kiss me again, then i saw Tiffany smirked. Thanks to you my Eyesmile devil~

 

D-10

By the way, Tiffany and Taeyeon didn’t know that i know about my death, i want always like that,

This note is my little last give for them.

 

I was very grateful, Tiffany always there when i need her, up and down, since we were child. She take care of me alot. First, i want thanked to you Tiff, you’re my everything, you take care of me, you make me happy. Even in my last time like this, you always take care of me and want me happy, although you was busy, you always spending your little free time for cheking me out. Thanks Tiff, sorry i can’t repay you, but may God repay your kindness Tiff^^

 

D-7

You’re such a fool Tae.

Such a fool!!!!

 

Why you propose me?

Why you want get marry with me?

Why you want get marry who will die soon?

 

You know it’s miserable, you propose me when i can’t get up, when i just can lie on bed?

Why?

Why?

Why?!!!

 

D-5

It’s hurt see Tiffany cry while she held my hand.

I can’t imagine when i really die, maybe she will cry like a mad girl. Tiff please, please don’t cry...

And Taeyeon keep acompany me, even i still didn’t answer her propose.

Sigh, now i begging to you God, can you make me live little longer?

 

D-3

Since yesterday Tiffany and Taeyeon always by my side, i don’t know why, maybe they were afraid if i suddenly die..

It’s make me feel as a burden for them, especially for Tiffany because i know she was busy, Tiff please why you sacrifice too much...

 

D-1

I already spend my time lying on the bed, since i can’t get up again. As always Tiffany and Taeyeon always by my side. I could read Tiffany worried face become clear and more clear, sometimes she shed a tears and wipe it again also she always held my hands and try to make me happy or laugh, but i know you was worried Tiff.

And for you My Taeng, i know you’re the tough one. Imposible for you ro shed a tears, but same like Tiffany, you’re weak inside. Although you just watch me and Tiff, i know you want cry. Eh i forget answer your propose, i would answer yes! Absolutely yes! If i still alive tomorrow. But you know Taeng, i love you, i love you, like you love me..

Thanks for take care of me, thanks for always by myside, thanks for loving me.

Love you too Taeng...

 

Although my heart not beating again, but it’s still yours, still yours...

 

But remember Taeng, you should move on, and i guess Tiff is the best candidate for you.

 

I always both of you..

Especially you Kim Taeyeon...

 

 

-\\\-

 

Jessica was lied peacefully in her room and her room was absolutely quite, no one speak, we could ony hear the sound of ticking clock. Tiffany was by Jessica side helding her hand, and Taeyeon was in other side caressing her hair. And other nurse was ready with defibrillator on her hand.

“Hey..” Taeyeon said as she saw Jessica open her eyes slowly.

“Morning Taeng...”

Then she diverted her eyes around.

“Morning Tiff...”

“What happened in here? Why so much nurse?”

“No, nothing. What do you feel right now?” Tiffany said as she gave reassured smile.

“I don’t know, i’m just tired, can i sleep again?”

Taeyeon and Tiffany mentally said No on her heart, because they know if Jessica fall asleep again it’s mean she will sleep forever. Tiffany took a glance to cardiograph everysecond, she saw Jessica heart more slower and slower again.

“Can i talk to you? Just two.” Jessica said in weak voice.

Tiffany and Taeyeon look eachother and nodded.

“Nurses, you can get out now, please.”

 

“So what do you want to talk darling?” Taeyeon talk first.

 

“Tiff, you don’t know, if you’re not my bestfriend, maybe i can’t like this today, maybe i already die. Thanks to you Tiff, you always by my side, cheering me up with your annoying aegyo and high pitch voice haha, but thanks really, Thank you for being my keeper, my doctor, my helper, my sister, my mother, my everything, thanks thanks thanks.”

“Jess please don’t talk you’ll leav—“

“Ssshh, promise me to don’t cry okay?”

“No Jess please..”

“Wipe your tears.”

“Jess!”

“Wipe your tears” Jessica smile siencerely.

 

“And you, Kim Taeyeon.”

“Thanks, thanks, thanks for loving me without doubt. Thank you very much. Thank you.” Jessica added.

“ I love you.” Jessica said in trembling voice.

 

“My eyes start blurry and heavy” Jessica said with a weak smile,

“Can i go now?” She added.

 

“NO! JESSI DON’T GO!!!!!!” Tiffany yelled as she shook Jessica body.

“Thank you Tiff..”

“JESSI PLEASE DON’T!!!!”

“And love you Taeng”

“Love you too” Taeyeon kiss her gently, full with affection, she kiss her with the warm lips but she felt the lips getting colder and colder.

Tiffany look at the cardiograph she saw it geting slow and slow.

 

“TAKE DEFIBLLATOR NOW!” Tiffany yelled.

 

“Sorry doctor her pulse was..”

 

“NO!!!!”

 

“Tiff she was..”

 

“I SAID NO!!!!!”

 

“TIFF!!!!” Taeyeon hug Tiffany who crying madly.

“She already gone, she already in Heaven, remember she told to you to not cry and please don’t cry!”

“But...” Tiffany said between sobs.

“Ssssh” Taeyeon just caressing Tiffany back.

 

It's like Taeyeon let go Jessica easily, but not, she only already know about Jessica little notes. Deep on her heart, Jessica still there, be a queen, be an owner of her little heart, just because of Jessica notes too about she should move on, about Tiffany shouldn't cry,  just because of that she want too move on and try the person who she gave a warm hug now. But really deep on her heart, Jessica still have special seat there.

 

"Although my heart not beating again, but it’s still yours, still yours and it's still yours Jessica Jung..."