Silent Regret

The next morning, Lana woke up with swollen eyes and she looked and felt awful. She has been crying alone all night silently under the blanket. She wished everything was just a nasty nightmare but no. When Lana just left her room and was about to head downstairs for breakfast, Jongin walked past her without even glancing or acknowledging her presence at all. Previously, he would have embraced her tightly and pecked her forehead, greeting her with warm smile but that morning, she was like stranger to him. Then it hit her that whatever happened last night was real. However, she was adamant not to take back her words despite her suffering. It was the best decision. A sacrifice had to be made.

“Jongin –“ Lana called softly but the male ignored her blatantly and walked downstairs leaving her alone.

Meanwhile, Sehun skipped out of his room with Tao. The both of them didn’t notice Jongin’s cold attitude towards Lana. However, they did notice Lana’s distressed look.

“Lana, good morning.”

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Tao asked as he looked at her in concern. “Are you unwell?”

“I’m fine.” Lana flashed a weak smile. “’Let’s go for breakfast.” She said and made way downstairs.

Tao looked at Sehun and then asked. “Did something really happen between Jongin and Lana? I thought I was just hearing things but it seems –“

“It can’t be. There is obviously nothing wrong.” Sehun stated. Just like Tao, Sehun and the rest of EXO heard Jongin’s agonising thoughts last night. As much as they didn’t wish to hear, Jongin was deeply affected that every single one in the pack definitely heard his thoughts even if unintentional. They wanted to believe that it was just a misunderstanding between them but it seemed more than that.

Lana headed for the dining table and saw Jongin sitting at his usual seat. Although Lana’s seat was just beside him, she felt awkward and strange suddenly. Jongin’s expression was grim and tensed. Slowly, Lana walked beside him and took the spot. However, just when she was about to sit, Jongin abruptly stood up.

“Jongin, where are you going?” Joonmyun asked when he noticed the young male didn’t eat his breakfast.

“I’m not hungry.” Jongin replied flatly.

“Tsk, since when are you not hungry? Come on, just sit back down and eat your food.” Minseok came from behind and pushed Jongin back to sit.

“I said I’m not hungry.” Jongin raised his voice slightly.

The guys looked at him in shock while Lana only stared down at her untouched food. She knew the reason why Jongin was acting that way is because of her. Her presence was probably making him agitated.

“What the heck is wrong with you?” Kris scolded and shot a stern look at him. “Whatever happened with you, I don’t intend to know but for your own sake, don’t act like a child and refuse breakfast.”

Jongin slammed his fist against the table. Lana shuddered in fear and felt a sharp pain suddenly. She closed her eyes and tried to withstand it. Luhan who caught Lana’s troubled frown went for her and asked. “Hey, are you alright?”

“Jongin, calm down...” Jongdae ordered as he sent signals to the younger male telling him to stop his temper and spare a thought for Lana instead. Jongin took a quick glance to check on her and realise that his sudden outburst must have scared her. He inhaled deeply and tried to compose himself. Yes, he was angry but mostly disappointed. Yet, it was not a reason to lash out at everyone and also cause Lana to suffer.

Lana nodded weakly and replied. “I’m fine.” She was aware that all pairs of eyes were on her. She hated the feeling of being vulnerable. These guys were too nice to her and she was just afraid she would have to betray and leave them one day. She pushed herself up and spoke. “I’m going to school.”

“Lana, you haven’t had breakfast.” Chanyeol said.

Lana smiled. “It’s alright...”

“Lana –“ The guys called but instantly she left the room and headed for the door.

“I’ll send her.” Luhan volunteered when he noticed Jongin didn’t even move. Previously, Jongin would always send her off to school but that morning, he kept still. After realising that something bad must have happened, Luhan took the initiative and decided to send her to school instead. He grabbed the car keys and rushed off to catch up with her.

Meanwhile, back in the dining room, all eyes were now directed at Jongin. There were so many questions in their heads at the moment. Kyungsoo patted Jongin’s back and nudged him to sit. Reluctantly, Jongin sat back down and began eating his food. However, when he noticed Lana’s untouched food, his heart sank.

Kris looked at the younger male and sighed. “Jongin –“

“It’s over.” Before Kris could ask, Jongin said his piece. “Me and Lana, we’re never meant to be.”

Minseok shook his head. “Jongin, what you just said doesn’t do justice to your heart.”

“We all know how much Lana meant to you, Hyung.” Sehun added. “Don’t lie to yourself.”

“But I’m nothing to her. Maybe Uncle Lee was right; I shouldn’t have forced the mate process.” Jongin said.

“Come on, she is the one for you undoubtedfully.” Tao said.

“You’re the only one who can’t hear her thoughts but you’re also the only one who can hear her heart and sense her feelings. Don’t place yourself so low.” Chanyeol spoke out this time.

Jongin could only shake his head. “She is the one for me, but I’m not sure if I am to her.”

“Answer me this; to love or be loved, which one makes you happier?” Kris posed a question. Jongin stared blankly in space as he tried to figure out the answer. However, Kris didn’t need to hear his answer verbally. “Jongin, you already have the answer.”

Yixing gave a pat on his shoulder and said. “Just follow your heart.”

“I –“ Jongin sighed.

“Whatever happened, don’t leave her side.” Baekhyun advised.

“I won’t ever.” Jongin said it determinedly.

Subsequently, Lana and Jongin relationship remained stagnant and cold. They never once greeted each other and stood awkwardly apart. Although Lana displayed a strong front, showing no signs of falter in emotions, she was a wreck inside. She was just glad Jongin seemed fine; at least in her eyes. He behaved normally, did his usual chores as told and carried out his night activities without any complaints. Whether it was just acting, Jongin could definitely survive without Lana. As for her, everything just went spiralling down. She cried every night before bed silently, under the blanket or in the bathroom all alone. She didn’t want the guys to hear and worry unnecessarily. There were many times they commented on her swollen red eyes every morning, but she shrugged it off saying it was only because she couldn’t sleep well the night before.

EXO noticed Lana’s lack of appetite and her gloomy face. Although they didn’t want to pursue and ask her more, they were still worried for her. One evening, Kyungsoo knocked on her door to call her out for dinner.

“Come in, the door’s not locked.” He pushed the door open after hearing her consent.

“Lana, dinner is ready.” Kyungsoo said and entered the room. Lana was at the study table seemingly doing homework. Kyungsoo looked at the pile of books and notes scattered across the table.

“Go ahead without me. I need to finish this –“ Lana stopped briefly and coughed. That was when Kyungsoo noticed the lozenges tablets located at the side. He picked it up and examined. “I have a test next week and tons of homework. I’ll have dinner when –“

“Lana, are you sick?” Kyungsoo placed his hand on her forehead and felt the heat.

Lana shook her head and avoided the contact. “I’m okay.” She replied flatly.

“No, you’re not.”

“I’m fine. Please leave me alone.”  Lana spoke and diverted her attention back to her notes. Although Kyungsoo was still there watching, she ignored his presence. With a sigh, he eventually left her alone as requested and headed for dinner.

“Where’s Lana?” Joonmyun asked when he saw Kyungsoo coming alone.

“She’s not eating.” Kyungsoo replied before going straight for Jongin. “Lana’s sick. Go and check on her will you?”

Jongin looked away and pretended to have not heard Kyungsoo. He picked up the chopsticks and gobbled down the food. The rest of them looked at one another, obviously clueless on what to do. They couldn’t possibly force Jongin knowing that it was going to be uncomfortable.

“It’s alright. I’ll bring food to her later.” Once again, Luhan had to step up. Knowing Jongin’s character so well, he had to do something.

The clock struck 10 at night and Luhan knocked the door to Lana’s room. Carrying a glass of milk and cookies, he hoped at least she would eat it. Hearing no response, he pushed the unlocked door open and saw that Lana was out in the balcony sitting alone. He placed the food on the table beside her bed and headed outside where she was at.

“Why are you sitting out in the cold?” Luhan asked as he walked towards her.

Surprised, Lana looked up to see Luhan smiling at her. She flashed a smile before replying. “It’s too stuffy inside. I need some cold air.”

“Can I sit?”

“Yes, please.” Lana answered and gestured the spot beside her.

Luhan sat down comfortably and rested his back against the sofa as he stretched his arms. “Look at the sky, it’s the full moon.”

“Yea, I see.” Lana said.

Luhan turned around to see the girl hugging her knees tightly. He studied her face and sensed the pain in her eyes. “Lana, why did you do that?” His tone shifted to serious right away. “Why did you that to Jongin?”

“It’s the best decision.” Lana answered and stared blankly in space.

Luhan sighed and leaned closer to her. “You don’t understand the seriousness of being a wolf’s mate, do you?” Earning no respond from her, he continued. “It isn’t just a simple attraction you think it is. It’s bond of two souls who are destined to be together eternally. It’s a strong bond connected by a thin string. Ironically, that’s how it is because the bond is so strong that it only requires a fragile string to protect it. However, once the string breaks, all’s gone.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Lana asked.

“Lana, you are Jongin’s ultimate mate. You don’t know how hard for him to resist the temptation of making you his. The way you smell to him, your hair, eyes, nose and the shape of your body; everything about you is so tempting to him.”

“Yeah, I’m aware of that.”

Luhan shook his head and smiled as he pulled her closer to him. “Silly, you don’t. After giving his blood, the both of you have to do undergo what you called, a ritual, to consummate the whole mate process. Although you’re already his now, but your body hasn’t been cleansed by him yet.”

“Huh? W-W-What?” Lana stuttered.

“Gosh, it’s hard talking about this, especially when you’re just 18.” Luhan mumbled. “You’ll understand as you get older... I mean... You know what happens right when... A guy and girl...”

Lana frowned. “What are you saying?”

Luhan scratched the back of his neck as he face turned red from embarrassment. “You know...like when a guy...girl..in the same room with same feelings for each other...you know...” He stammered.

“You mean ?” Lana went straight to the point.

Luhan nodded sheepishly and said. “Hmm yeah, that’s what I was trying to say.”

Lana rolled her eyes but still smiled. “That wasn’t so hard to say.”

“Lana, it might be easy for you to refuse Jongin but it’s a hell lot more difficult for him, especially on a full moon night like this. You know how our hormones are fluctuating every now and then. As for Jongin, who already found you as his mate, it’s even harder for him to restrain. Everything about you is a hundred times alluring for him. Even when you just blink your eyes or simply breathe, it sends shivers down his spine. He yearns for you all the time yet he chooses to dampen his desires out of respect for you.” Luhan stopped to see Lana looking at him sadly. “Jongin is doing his best to control although it hurts him a lot only because he doesn’t want you to feel burden by his presence.”

“He’s never a burden.” Lana sobbed.

Luhan her cheeks gently. “I know, sweetie. I know how you feel. All I want to say is, don’t push Jongin away.”

“But –“ Lana stopped briefly before asking him a question. “Luhan, what happens if a wolf’s mate leaves him one day?”

Luhan kept a poker face upon hearing the question. Slowly, he looked at her and cupped her face tenderly. “The wolf will die a slow torturous unavoidable death.” Lana’s eyes widened after hearing his answer. “His mate is his life. If she’s gone, then so will he. He becomes nothing but a soul less being.” Lana looked away unable to see his eyes anymore. She stood up and walked towards the balcony ledge. Luhan sighed and begged. “Lana, please don’t...hurt Jongin.” She remained quiet. Luhan walked towards her and wrapped his jacket around. “There’s food on the table. Eat it before you sleep and please take care of your health, at least don’t make Jongin worry.”

Jongin exited the forest ground after the usual night round. He glanced at his watch to see that it was already three in the morning. Exhausted, he walked back home slowly as he dusted his bare body with his hands. Despite the chilly night, he was perspiring. Dressed only with a pair of jeans, he approached the mansion but stopped when he heard coughing sounds coming from Lana’s balcony. He remained still and let his ears captured the sound. After realising what the noise was, he sighed. Although he didn’t wish to see her, his heart was telling him to do the otherwise. Swiftly, Jongin jumped up to the second floor balcony. Using his strong arms, he pulled himself up quite effortlessly and landed lightly on Lana’s balcony. He looked around and his heart sank when he saw her sleeping on the sofa out in the cold. He walked towards her and gazed at her sleeping figure. She was pale and looked sick. Carefully he placed his palm on her forehead and examined.

“How can I leave you if you can’t even take care of yourself, silly girl?” Jongin scolded softly. Slowly, he wrapped his arms underneath and carried her light body. He walked as gently as possible fearing she would wake up. He then placed her on the bed and covered her warmly.

Jongin went to the bathroom and prepared warm water with a towel. He dabbed her forehead and checked on her temperature every hour. She was definitely having a fever. Diligently, he continued changing the towel on her forehead hoping it would reduce her body temperature. While he was tending to her, Lana moved slightly.

“D-D-D-Don’t leave me.” She muttered with her eyes closed. Jongin watched her lovingly.

“Must be nightmare about her parents...” Jongin mumbled but stopped instantly.

“D-D-Don’t leave me... J-J-Jongin, don’t leave me.” Lana stuttered.

Jongin’s eyes widened and immediately held her hand and kissed it gently. “I’m here, baby. I’m always here for you.”

To be continued

Whoa I didn't expect such great response to the previous chapter... Awwww, don't hate on Lana. At least now we all know that she isn't doing too well without Jongin and she is longing for him :)