She pulled her arm roughly but I held on.

She pulled her arm roughly but I held on. “Let me go!” she gritted.

 

“Dara,” I mumbled.

 

“You heard her Jiyong, let her go,” TOP hyung said. I didn’t listen, I just looked at Dara. Then, I felt TOP hyung’s hand on my hand, freeing Dara’s wrist. And he succeeded. As soon as Dara was free, she immediately hugged hyung. “Let’s go,” TOP hyung said to Dara. She nodded then started heading towards hyung’s bike but I stopped her again. Hyung might have gotten fed up because he suddenly punched me in the face. The force threw me to the ground, first.

 

“She said let her go already,” hyung snapped. I looked at Dara. She was looking down at me with a stony expression. I looked for any signs of concern but I saw none.

 

“Get inside the car, Dara,” I said the moment I stood up.

 

“Didn’t you hear what she said? She-“

 

“She’s been under the rain for hours already. If she rides that bike, she’ll get sick.”

 

I saw how TOP hyung looked torn between wanting to secure Dara from the rain and getting her away from me.

 

“Don’t listen to him, Tabi,” Dara said. “I’d rather get sick and die than get inside his car!” she acidly said. “Go start the bike, Tabi,” she turned to hyung. Hyung went to his bike while Dara remained standing in front of me. The bike roared to life.

 

“Dara, please don’t-“

 

“I hate you!” she said and turned away to go to TOP hyung. And the bike sped off.

 

I was stunned at how Dara’s eyes were filled with pure hatred and agonized pain. My knees weakened, making me fall to the ground, kneeling. I screamed. I shouted to the sky. I cried and bent over, punching the road, letting the rain wash the blood away. Then, the rain went heavier and heavier while I felt emptier and emptier.

 

 

AUTHOR’s POV

 

“Bring me to Umma,” Dara firmly said to TOP. She wrapped her arms tighter around his waist and closed her eyes, trying to drown the scream she heard, trying to erase the fallen figure that was glued to her eyes, thinking that the person deserved it.

 

 

Later. . .

 

TOP knew it was already dawn when they arrived at her place. The moment she stepped down, she fainted. “Dara!” he exclaimed worriedly as Dara fell into his arms. He carried her up quickly and rang the doorbell. The door opened.

 

“Omo! What happened?” Mrs. Park asked.

 

“I think she got fever,” TOP answered.

 

“Bring her in quickly,” she said. TOP followed and put her gently on Mrs. Park’s bed. TOP anxiously watched how the older woman attended to Dara. He should have listened to Jiyong. She won’t get sick if he only listened. But he guessed it’s his selfishness again. He didn’t notice how long it has been, but he felt drained. Mrs. Park must have noticed this because she told him to go home.

 

“No, I want to stay here. I want to be here when she wakes up,” he stubbornly answered.

 

The older woman sighed. “At least change your wet clothes then come back later.”

 

After a moment of hesitation, TOP nodded.

 

Meanwhile, a car passed by the place where Jiyong was. The car stopped. A middle-aged woman stepped out, bringing an umbrella. “Mister, are you alright?”

 

No answer. The lady asked again, but Jiyong remained silent, just letting the rain washed over his body. The lady sighed then went to Jiyong’s car, searching for something. When she found what she’s looking for, she immediately made a call, and then went back to the guy.

 

“Mister, I already talked to your sister, she’s on her way already.”

 

Still, no answer. The lady just shook her head and went back to her car, leaving Jiyong behind. A while later, another car stopped and a girl stepped out of it. “Omo, Jiyong-ah, what are you doing? Come here,” Dami said, pulling her brother off the ground.

 

“I c-can’t,” Jiyong whispered in a hoarse voice, as he remained kneeling on the road. “Noona, I can’t do this anymore. I can’t continue . . .I can’t. . .”

 

 

Later. . .

 

Dami rushed Jiyong to the hospital. He was convulsing and his temperature was so high. She waited helplessly as the doctor and nurses attended to his needs. She wanted to cry but she mustn’t. She thought she saw the worst of Jiyong when the latter thought their father had burned his sketches but she was wrong. After forcing out from him what happened she regretted that she had to ask everything from him. She heard and saw too much pain from him that she thought he would lose his sanity. She knew all about Jiyong’s “death”, but she thought it was supposed to be their way of escape, like what her mother told her. But then, she never knew that her mother would ask Jiyong to do that. And for some time, she actually believed her brother hated Dara, too. She curled her fists upon remembering her mother. For her mother, it was all about, REPUTATION, FAME and MONEY. She knew her mother always wanted to live in a grand house but her father remained firm in living a simple life. She pitied how Jiyong never knew about the truth behind their parents’ marriage. She knew Jiyong would be surprise if he finds out that their father only married their mother because she got pregnant by accident. Yes, her mother was sly; a scholar student who wanted to get rich that’s why she befriended Dara’s mother to get close to their father and got their father drunk. But she pitied Dara more.

 

 

TOP’s POV

 

I was watching her sleep, looking so pale.

 

“Ji,” she called. I froze, feeling the pain hit me hard in the guts. I smiled bitterly. I wasn’t really surprised. I already knew this a long time ago but I still hoped. I already knew about this right before I tried changing her into something that she’s not. I didn’t try to change her just for nothing. I did it out of selfishness. I wanted to pull her away from Jiyong and for some time, I succeeded. Oh yes, I knew how Jiyong feels for her. I’ve seen the way he looks at Dara and as a guy, I can totally understand what those “looks” mean. I’m not sure if he was aware about it, though. Then, there’s Dara. I tried to be blind but by the time when she was attacking Sohee before, she’s been shouting Jiyong’s name over and over again like she’s been possessed. That’s when I slapped her as she was getting hysterical at that time. Then, when she was in the hospital after Jiyong’s accident, I heard how she kept on calling his name over and over again. And never did she once call my name. But it was nothing compared to when she finally woke up.

 

But I can’t give up on her right now. Not now that both of them are being stupid. Not now that Jiyong is being a jerk. Not now that Dara is being stubborn. If both of them continue being like this, I can still have my chance. If HE continues being like this, I can still win. If SHE continues being like this, I can still have her.

 

Plus, I still have something to hold on: as long as Dara doesn’t realize her feelings for him, I can still have my shot for a lifetime with her. So, I can’t give up, right? I sighed then stood up. Out of nowhere, I felt the room spinning around me. I leaned a hand against the wall. Then, from somewhere, I heard distant footsteps.

 

“Seunghyun, are you alright?”

 

I didn’t answer, I can’t. I felt like I would throw up. Then, I felt something cold touched my forehead.

 

“Omo! You’re hot! You should-“

 

“No, don’t want to g’home,” I croaked.

 

“At least take a rest. Come, lie down in the sofa in the living room.”

 

“But Dara-“

 

“She’ll be fine.”

 

 

DAMI’s POV

 

I saw Jiyong’s eyes snapped open. “Where am I?” he asked, his voice was throaty.

 

“Hospital,” I answered. I touched his forehead. “Your temperature’s lowered down a little.”

 

He looked away. I sighed.

 

“Jiyong-ah, I-“

 

“I want to rest.”

 

 

The next day. . .

 

Jiyong was already discharged but the doctor said he needs to rest. He was quiet during the drive. I didn’t dare speak too, wanting to give him some peace and time to think. “We’re here,” I said as we arrived at our “GRAND” house that Mom bought a year ago. Jiyong just sighed then stepped down.

 

“I’m going to sleep,” he quietly said. The moment I was sure he was in his room, I looked for Mom. My scowl was getting deeper as I searched the whole place, a total disadvantage of having a big house. Finally, I found her in the study, with a bottle of alcohol on hand. Mom looked up, eyes unfocused.

 

“How could you ask Jiyong to do that?” I blurted out.

 

“Oh, so he told you already.”

 

“Dara had nothing to do with what Dad and her mother did! She was not invol-“

 

“That girl is just like her mother, a . That girl took everything from me, too! Your father’s attention, your affection and Jiyong’s respect!”

 

I stared at her in disbelief. I can’t believe I’m hearing this from her. “You. . .y-you were jealous of Dara? That is so insane!”

 

“Oh, I hated her mother, too. Too bad she became her daughter.”

 

~o~

 

DARA’s POV

 

I opened my eyes. I saw Tabi watching me. “You look pale,” I noticed.

 

“I’m always pale,” he smiled weakly. I chuckled then turned sober.

 

“Where’s Umma?” I asked.

 

“She’s cooking. Wait, I’ll call her in.”

 

When Tabi was out of the room, I forced myself to sit up. The moment I did, a crippling pain kicked my body. I clutched my chest, feeling empty. How is it possible to feel pain when I felt so empty?

 

“Dara?” I heard Umma’s soft voice called for me.

 

“He’s alive! Ji’s alive!” I blurted. I expected both Umma and Tabi to gasp in surprise. I expected them to shake their heads and say that I’m out of my mind. I expected Umma to faint. I expected Tabi to stiffen. But instead, they exchanged meaningful glances. My head turned back and forth to the both of them. “You knew!” I exclaimed. “Both of you knew and you didn’t even tell me! No one even informed me! Tell me, who else knows about this? Or am I the only one who wasn’t informed?” I shrieked.

 

“Dara, Seunghyun found out just recently. And the three of us and the Kwons are the only ones that-“

 

“I can’t believe this!” I shook my head. “Why did-?”

 

“Dara, let me explain,” Umma begged. Honestly, I wanted to run, I wanted to get away, I wanted to lose consciousness, I wanted to turn deaf just to escape this. But no, I remained on my place. I wanted to understand why Ji did that. I wanted to know what made him leave me. I wanted to know that Ji doesn’t blame me for what happened to him.

 

Umma started talking. As the time passed by, I grew stiller and stiller as my grip on the edge of the bed became tighter and tighter.

 

“How could you? All those time, I thought you were mourning for his death! But you were just guilty!” I burst. “Did you even love Appa?”

 

“I did, Dara but-“

 

“But not more than a friend,” I finished.

 

“I tried. God knows, I’ve tried, Dara!” she cried. I shook my head. For the first time, I wanted to cry, I wanted to cry for Appa. My Appa. What did he ever do wrong? He was the kindest, bravest and purest person I know. But why did this happen to him? He doesn’t deserve to be betrayed like this. But, no tears came.

 

Now I know. Now I know why he left. It wasn’t all because of the accident. It was something deeper. How can I be so stupid not to notice it? No wonder Ji did that. He obviously hated me for doing that to his family. He obviously doesn’t want to associate himself with me anymore because I’m the daughter of his father’s mistress. I suddenly shook my head. Why am I thinking more about Ji than what’s being faced to me right now?

 

I turned to Tabi. “How did you know?”

 

“Remember when I said I’ve been following you? One time, I saw you with him while you were walking home. I never really entered the café because I fear that you might see me. You don’t know how shocked I was when I saw him. Then, before I knew what I was doing, I talked to your mother about it. And she told me everything. I guessed I should have known when Minhwan told me about the so-called manager Mr. Kwon-“

 

“Minhwan?” I interrupted.

 

Tabi was taken aback, like someone who just slipped. Then, he sighed. “Minhwan’s my half-brother. I asked him to watch over you.”

 

I started running AGAIN. Lies. All my life, I’ve been living with lies. Without noticing it, I found myself in the hill. Before, I used to secretly call this place “Dara and Ji’s hill of wishes”. But I didn’t mention it to Ji. I was pretty sure he would laugh at me and call me scattered-brain. I sat on the ground. I honestly don’t know how to face everyone now. I don’t know how to face Umma. I wanted to be disgusted; I wanted to hate her and blame her for driving Ji away. But I can’t. She’s my mother. Knowing that the affair started after Appa’s death meant she did try her best for Appa. I know in time, I’ll forgive her. I really can’t blame her for loving someone.

 

Then, there’s Ji. Now that I know what happened, I’m torn. I don’t know what and how to feel anymore. I wanted to be mad at him because he lied to me. I wanted to hate him because he left me. I wanted to strangle him for breaking his promises. But now that I know what made him do all those things, I can’t fully hate him. I can’t really blame him for hating me. Now, how am I going to face him when I don’t know what to show him? Should I continue being angry for all the lies? Or should I ask for forgiveness in behalf of Umma?

 

The sun started to set. I slowly stood up and started heading to nowhere in particular. A while later, I was already in town. I saw Tabi from afar. The moment he saw me, he started running towards me. I started to retreat. I don’t want to talk to him yet. Out of nowhere, a car stopped in front of me and the door opened.

 

“Get in,” a voice said. The familiarity of it made me stepped in. I closed the door quickly then the car sped off.

 

“Dami unnie!” I exclaimed the moment I looked at the driver.

 

“We need to talk,” she said.

 

“I already know the truth. Umma told me.”

 

“Good. That’ll save time.”

 

The sky started to be lit by stars. It was already evening, and yet, I don’t know where we were going. “Where are we going?”

 

“I need you to talk to Ji.”

 

“Why? “

 

“He’s been acting like a jerk lately, drowning himself with alcohol and not eating.”

 

“But why do I need to talk to him? I’m sure he won’t even listen to me. He hates me.”

 

Unnie suddenly laughed. “Well, you’re still scattered-brain, I see. You’re his bestfriend, you should have known that he can’t really stay mad at you for so long. And he doesn’t hate you. He was trying to protect you from the truth. He thought that by doing what he did, he’s saving you from the pain.”

 

I stared at her. “Err, that’s a joke, right?”

 

“DO I LOOK LIKE I’M JOKING?” unnie shouted, making me flinch.

 

“Well, he’s really stupid for thinking that I’d rather see him leave than know the truth!” I defended myself.

 

“You can’t really blame him for thinking that way, can you?” she quietly said. I fell silent as I realized what unnie was trying to say. It’s true; I haven’t really showed Ji how his friendship means to me, how important he was to me.

 

 

Later. . .

 

“We’re here,” unnie said as we stopped in front of a very big, cream-colored house or should I say mansion? I followed unnie inside and we were greeted by a butler, I assumed. “Where’s Mom?” she asked.

 

“She went out to attend a social party, Madam.”

 

Unnie nodded. “Where’s my brother?”

 

“He’s at the pool area, Ma-“

 

“Thank you. Dara follow me.”

 

I followed her. After a while, we reached a glass-sliding door. I saw a vast garden outside and a pool. I saw Ji sitting with and a bottle of alcohol on hand.

 

“He won’t listen to anyone. Maybe he’ll listen to you. Talk some sense into him.”

 

“But, where are you going?” I panicked as I saw her leaving.

 

“I’ve got some things to do.”

 

“But-“

 

I sighed as she just continued walking. When she was out of sight, I looked back at Ji’s side profile. I just stood there, watching him as he emptied the bottle on his hand. I don’t know how long I was standing already, but I saw him stood up and took his shirt off as well as his pants followed by his shoes. Aside from the boxer shorts, he was bare all over. I smiled a little as I recognized what he was wearing. It was one of the boxers I returned to him before. I can’t believe he still has it and that he still wears it. Out of nowhere, he dived into the pool. Time passed but he didn’t resurface. I started to panic. Now I know what he felt before as I started running towards the pool and dived in, too. I saw him sitting in the pool’s floor with his eyes closed. I went to him and grabbed his wrist. The moment my skin touched his, he opened his eyes, frowning a little as he saw me. Then, I started pulling him but he won’t budge. I was getting impatient and I was running out of breath. Then, he suddenly resurfaced, bringing me with him. We swam to the shallower part of the pool. The moment I can feel the pool’s floor on my feet, I slapped him.

 

“What were you thinking? Were you planning to drown yourself?! That was really idiotic!” I shouted. My chest heaved up and down.

 

“What are you doing here?” he asked.

 

I reddened with irritation and started attacking him again. I pounded on his chest nonstop. “You are so stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Plain stupid!” I cried. He let me do that for a while. But then, he grabbed my wrists and pushed me to the pool’s corner, with my back leaning against the pools’ wall. I looked at him. His face was shadowed with darkness and pain.

 

“Tell me again,” he gritted. I didn’t answer. “Tell me again, Dara!”

 

“What are you-?”

 

“Tell me those words again! Tell me you hate me! Tell me you’d rather see me dead! Tell me you regretted having me as your bestfriend! Tell me you don’t want me in your life anymore!”

 

I was taken aback with the intensity in his voice. I stared at him closely, watching the droplets of water slowly running down his cheek down to his bare chest. Eventhough my clothes were soaking wet, making me shiver, I can still feel the heat emanating from his body.

 

“TELL ME!” he shouted. I opened my mouth but no words came. I tried again, but failed. A side of my mind was shouting at me to give what he’s asking for but I can’t.

 

“I. . .”

 

His eyes squinted.

 

“I. . .”

 

“Tell me,” he whispered.

 

“I missed you!” I desperately blurted out instead. I gasped in surprise and so did he. I wasn’t supposed to say that! But then, when I saw the fierce gentleness and desperate longing in his eyes, I didn’t take what I said back. Then, I felt his lips against mine. I closed my eyes, loving the way his lips were moving against mine. But, a logical side of my brain protested. I shouldn’t be doing this; he’s my bestfriend for Pete’s sake! But no, my heart and body was into it. My hand went to curl into his wet hair as I kissed him like I’ve never kissed anyone before. I've never felt this much greediness before. Tabi might be better than him TECHNICALLY, but Ji can drive me crazy. His lips against mine felt so good, it is so addictive that I let myself get hooked with it. A flash of my first kiss flashed into my closed eyelids, followed by a series of memories with him. I tiptoed, trying to reach his lips better. I can no longer feel how cold it was as I was only feeling the heat coming from him. I felt his arm around my waist, pulling my body closer to him while I pulled his head even closer to me.