TOP’s POV

 

I brought Dara back to her room. She sat on her bed, eyes dazed and unfocused.

 

“Dara, I think it’s about time to move on. You have to let go.”

 

“How?” she asked. She looked up at me and I saw fierceness in her eyes.

 

“Stop living in an illusion that he’s still alive. Don’t lock yourself here. Let’s go out.”

 

“I can’t let him go.”

 

“Dara, you have to! Can’t you understand? Kwon Jiyong is DEAD! He’s gone! He’s not coming back and that’s the truth. You have to let him go and move on.”

 

“HOW?!?” she burst out loudly, standing up. “How can I let him go? How can I move on when his memories never leave me, kept on haunting me? How can I forget him when I see him in every corner of this room? When his presence lingers in this house? How can I sleep soundly when I always remember him sleeping beside me in this bed, when he was just an arm-reach away? I always see him sitting in that chair, doing my assignments. I can always smell his crab soup in the kitchen. I always hear his laughter in the living room. Do you know how it feels to wake up in the middle of the night and not finding him beside me? Do you know how it feels that everytime I can’t sleep, I always go to sleep with him in his room but I can’t do that anymore? DO YOU KNOW HOW THAT ALL FEELS? And you’re telling me to go out? How can I do that when I know that he walked on every street in this town with me? He’s everywhere!”

 

She finally broke down, slowly sliding to the floor. I went and hugged her keeping my silence. I know words are not enough to comfort her and ease her from the pain and sufferings she’s going through right now.

 

Then, we remained quiet for a LONG TIME.

 

“You have to move on for your mother and for me,” I said a while later.

 

“Are you going to leave me, too?” she whispered.

 

“No,” I immediately answered.

 

“Do you promise?” she asked again.

 

“Neh,” I answered again.

 

“Do you swear?”

 

“Neh, I swear I’m not going to leave you.”

 

~o~

 

DARA’s POV

 

I woke up early in the morning. I took a quick shower and put some clothes on. I stepped outside and gave a small smile as the soft breeze hit my face and blew my hair gently. Then, I started walking. I went to the playground first. Most of my childhood memories with Ji were spent here. He used to push the swing for me. Then, I ran a finger on the bench we used to occupy everytime we’re here.

 

After spending some time in the playground, I started tracing the streets where we used to “walk-on” together. As I did, I felt like I’m thrown back into time, where he used to walk beside me, where he used to piggyback me. I stopped as I saw the place where I first felt fear for his life, where he saved me from Yosuk and the other senior bullies. Then I continued walking and stopped again as I saw the place where I rolled over the ground and he ran to my aid. After that, I went to school. I roamed around and realized that he is really everywhere. Every memory I had of this school was always with him; every place I went had his presence. The next place I went to was the swimming pool. I removed my shoes and rolled my pants up as I dipped my feet in the water and played with it for a while. Then, I started walking again and went to the places we used to hang out before: the moviehouse, mall, cafes, etc.

 

I saw the sun starting to set down. There’s only one place I haven’t visited yet. So, I started going to my final destination: the hill, the hill where we buried our wishes; where we usually go when we need some time alone. I looked down at the spot where the box was buried. I knelt down and started digging using nothing but my hands. After a while, I was able to feel something. I took out the box and opened it. Blue and white rolled papers greeted me. The white ones were Ji’s wishes while the blue ones were mine. I gathered all the white rolled papers and started unrolling them one by one. One of the rarest moments happened: I’m starting to feel a big lump in my throat as my vision started to get all blurry and wet as I read Ji’s wishes one after the other.

 

His wishes were the same. The paper read the same words:

 

“To make Sandaya’s nightmares of Appa go away”

 

“To make Sandaya smile again”

 

“To make Sandaya laugh again”

 

“To make Sandaya happy”

 

“To make my bestfriend the happiest girl”

 

“To erase the sadness from the rabbit’s eyes”

 

On and on, his wishes had the same “theme”. It was all about me, my happiness. I came to the last paper. It was dated a year ago and it says: “To fulfill all of Dara’s wishes”

 

I swallowed the lump in my throat and throw my head back. I don’t want to cry. I don’t want the tears to fall down. I don’t have the right to cry. It was my fault, I don’t have the right to feel sadness. I started returning the paper in the box and buried them again. He’s such a cheater.

 

Jiyong is such a cheater.

 

It was already dark when I arrived at the apartment. I joined Umma at dinner then I volunteered to wash the dishes. I saw Umma giving me worried and confused glances. She’s probably wondering why the sudden change but I just smiled at her all throughout the night. When I was sure that Umma was in her room already, I also went inside my room and buried myself in the comforts of my bed. I closed my eyes.

 

 

AUTHOR’s POV

 

Dara’s eyes snapped open. She glanced at the clock blankly. The clock reads 2:00 in the morning. She stood up and started moving quietly. She took out her bags and threw out some of her clothes in it. She took out two pieces of paper and started writing, one for her mother while the other was for TOP. She went to her mother’s room and put the letters in the bed. After that, she went to the Kwons’ apartment, dragging her bags along. She looked around the empty place. After a while, she turned towards the door and started walking to where her feet will lead her. She needs to go. She needs to run. She’s just not doing this for herself but for her mother, TOP and the gang, too. She doesn’t want to be a burden anymore just because she can’t move on. She had enough, she needs to go to a place where Jiyong’s memories can never reach her. Meaning, she’s running away again. She’s escaping. She doesn’t have a sure destination, but it doesn’t matter as long as she can leave this place.

 

 

Later. . .

 

Mrs. Park woke up. She looked at the clock. It was already five o’clock. She sat up. Then, she caught sightof two papers beside her. A frown creased her forehead. The two papers were folded and there were writings on it. One said “For Umma” while the other said “For Tabi”. She took the paper addressed to her with trembling hands, she opened it and read the contents. Her eyes started to tear up halfway through the letter. She then hugged the letter to her chest. Her daughter begs her not to go looking for her, begged to give her time. Dara also asked forgiveness for leaving abruptly. Mrs. Park knew something like this would happen.

 

 

TOP’s POV

 

For the second time, my bike was speeding up along the street as I received another call from Mrs. Park. As I arrived, I saw her along the street, waiting for me. I climbed down and she quickly gave me a paper. I looked at her first before opening it.

 

Dear Tabi,

 

I’m sorry but I have to go. Don’t go looking for me. Watch out for Umma for me. Thank you.

 

Dara

 

That’s it? Just like that? The letter felt so empty, her words were empty. I can’t even consider it as a farewell letter. I can’t believe this. She can’t be gone just like that. If she’s expecting me to just sit and wait for her to comeback, well then she’s wrong!

 

“Seunghyun, I know what you’re thinking. Let’s give her time,” Mrs. Park’s voice broke out to my reverie.

 

I shook my head. “For how long will I be waiting for her?”

 

She didn’t answer.

 

“I’m a stubborn person, Mrs. Park. I don’t usually listen to what others say. I’m not going to wait for her. I’ll be looking for her and I’m not gonna stop ‘til I find her.”

 

Mrs. Park smiled at me gently. “I admire that in you,” she quietly said. “I know that you know that even if you find her, there’s a possibility that you can’t bring her back anymore. And yet, you still want to look after her.”

 

I smirked. “I have a possessive side, Mrs. Park. What I own will always be mine.” I said then started my bike.

 

And besides, I made a promise to never leave her.