Blinding pain woke Jaejoong from his nap. He checked to make sure Changmin was still sleeping before stumbling to the bathroom for some aspirin. He barely made it to the toilet before he vomited.

 

He crawled back to the bedroom to check on Changmin. Thankfully, the baby was still sleeping soundly. Jaejoong d for the phone and quickly dialed his mother’s number.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Mama? Can you come pick me and Changmin up? I think I need to go to the hospital.” Jaejoong whispered. The sound of his own voice was like jackhammers in his head.

 

“Jaejoong? What’s wrong?” His mother was in near panic.

 

“I have a headache. I can’t stand, let alone drive. I vomited and I feel light headed and dizzy. Please hurry.”

 

“I’ll be right there.”

 

 

Jaejoong laid on the floor and waited. He waited for his mother and for the spinning to stop. He prayed Changmin wouldn’t wake up until his mother got there.

 

“Jaejoong, what happened?” His mother was by his side in an instance.

 

“I don’t know. I had a headache. I thought it was because Minnie was crying and fussing before his nap. We laid down together and I woke feeling so sick. Make sure Minnie is okay. I can’t hear him. Make sure he’s still asleep.”

 

She stood and checked on her grandson. The baby was still sleeping, his face slack and angelic. “He’s fine. Can you walk?”

 

Jaejoong shook his head and grimaced. It was a bad idea to move his head.

 

“Okay. I’m gonna call an ambulance. I can’t carry you to the car. I’ll follow behind in my car.”

 

 

Jaejoong lay on the stretcher, his eyes shut tightly against the harsh lights. His head pounded against the noise and lights as the ambulance sped to the hospital. He tried to take slow, even breaths.

 

“We can’t give you anything for the pain until we get a full work up on you.”

 

Jaejoong nodded slowly, to afraid to move much. He tried to relax. If he could relax he would feel better. He drifted in and out of sleep. He willed himself to sleep, just sleep and the pain would go away.

 

 

He was jolted awake by a stabbing pain in his chest, he couldn’t breathe and there were people rushing around him barking orders.

 

“Doctor, he’s awake.”

 

“Good. You have his husband on the phone, correct?”

 

“Sorry Doctor, Mr. Jung can’t be reached. We’ve talk to Mr. Kim’s mother. She’s trying to contact him as we speak.”

 

All the voice sounded very far away and Jaejoong felt confused, like his brain was fuzzy. He wanted to go back to sleep. His eyes drooped shut. A doctor’s voice followed the darkness.

 

 

The next time Jaejoong wakes up he was connected to several machines. His mother sat next to the bed, her face stained with tears.

 

“Mama?” Jaejoong called, the oxygen mask swallowing his words.

 

“Jaejoong, Baby.” His mother pat his hair, fresh tears springing to hers.

 

“What…” Jaejoong coughed. “What happened?”

 

“You had what is called a hemiplegic migraine.” She took hold of Jaejoong’s hand. “I’m going to go get the doctor. Yunho is on his way home. Don’t worry. Jihee has Changmin.”

 

Jaejoong watched as his mother left. He was feeling better, he couldn’t remember anything after laying down with Changmin for their nap. He wondered how long it would be before Yunho would be there.

 

He took a deep, steadying breath and waited.

 

“Oh, good. You’re awake.” The doctor sat on the edge of the bed. He pulled a penlight out of his pocket and shined it into Jaejoong’s eyes. “Do you remember what happened?”

 

“No,” Jaejoong shook his head. “I remember laying down with my son for a nap.”

 

“Well, you called your mother, complaining of a headache and asking to be brought to the hospital. He were in and out of consciousness during the ride here. The paramedics were hesitate to give you anything because of how high you blood sugar was. Your heart rate dropped and we have to revive you.”

 

“Wait. I almost died.”

 

“You almost went into a diabetic coma. That, combined with the hemiplegic migraine could have killed you, yes.”

 

“Where’s Changmin and Jihee? Bring him to me.” Jaejoong tried to get out of the bed.

 

“Calm down, Mr. Kim. Your sister will be bringing your son in shortly. I have to examine you first. I’ve ordered a CT scan. A nurse will be here in a few minutes to take you there.”

 

The doctor left promising to send Jihee and Changmin in after the CT scan. Jaejoong relaxed into the bed and waited.

 

A nurse knocked on the door and entered before Jaejoong could reply. The CT scan didn’t take nearly as long as Jaejoong thought it would and he was back in his room before he knew it.

 

The bulky oxygen was replaced with a simple tube. Jaejoong didn’t know which one he hated more. The mask was bulky and he couldn’t talk properly with it, but the tube made his throat and nose dry and itchy.

 

“How are you feeling?” Jihee slowly walked into the room, carrying Changmin with her.

 

“Okay. Give me my son, please.”

 

Jihee smiled and laid Changmin on Jaejoong’s chest. He was sleeping peacefully.

 

“He’s been asleep for about a half hour. He should be waking up soon. He kept crying and calling for you. It broke everyone’s heart.”

 

Jaejoong kissed Changmin’s head. “How bad was it? The doctor isn’t giving me very good details.”

 

“We need to wait for Yunho.”

 

“Jihee? What happened? Tell me. I, more than anyone here, deserve to know what happened.”

 

“Yunho just called from the airport. He’ll be here in about 2 hours. Let’s just wait for him.”

 

“This is bull! Tell me what happen to ME!” Jaejoong was seething. “I don’t need Yunho here to hold my hand. This happened to me not to him. I’m a grown assed adult and I can handle my own health.”

 

“Calm down, Jae.” Jihee said slowly. “You flat-lined. I don’t know if the doctor told you that. You died, for 5 minutes. They almost couldn’t get you back. They did an ultrasound to check for any abnormal bleeding.” She stopped.

 

“And? I don’t have any incisions so that wasn’t a problem. What happened?”

 

“They found something else. You’re pregnant.”

 

“That’s it?”

 

“No. That’s not it. Twins, they think. They were in distress and when you flat-lined, they couldn’t hear the heartbeats. The babies are still moving, but one’s heartbeat is very weak. You might need to abort one to save the other. That’s why we’ve been wanting to wait for Yunho.”

 

“What is I want to keep them both?” Jaejoong placed a hand on his stomach.

 

“It might kill you. Or both babies. Or one maybe still-born.”

 

Jaejoong looked at his son, still sleeping peacefully on his chest. “I think I want to rest. I’m tired. I want to nap with Minnie.”

 

“Jae…”

 

“No. I don’t want to talk. I want to sleep. Wake me up when Yunho gets here.” He closed his eyes. It was easy for him to relax with the sleeping baby on his chest.

 

He waited for Jihee to leave the room. “Minnie, I’m sorry. I love you and I’ll never leave you. I’m so sorry, my little baby.”

 

Changmin shifted in his sleep. He heard his Dada’s voice through his peacefully dream. His tiny hand clutched Jaejoong’s shirt tighter.

 

Jaejoong enjoyed the silence as he waited for Yunho. Changmin stayed asleep, thankfully.

 

 

Jaejoong was dozing when he heard a soft knock on the door. “Jae, Yunho’s here. He’s talking to the doctor and he’ll be here in a minute. Do you want me to take Minnie so you two can talk.”

 

Jaejoong looked down at his baby, “Yeah. Is the doctor telling Yunho everything?”

 

“Yeah. I told the doctor what I told you. He wants Yunho to have the same information. Are you okay?”

 

“I’m fine. I just want to see Yunho. Is Jyuni okay?”

 

Jihee smiled. “She’s fine. We aren’t telling her everything just yet. All she knows is that Dada had a bad headache, but he’s okay now. She’s with Mom getting ice cream.”

 

“Great, she’ll be hyper now. What time is it?”

 

“Almost 2 am.”

 

Yunho walked in behind Jihee. “I’m sure Jyuni will sleep just fine when we get her home.”

 

“I’ll leave you two.”

 

Yunho rushed to the bed and threw his arms around his husband. “Are you okay?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Yunho pulled away to study Jaejoong. “Don’t lie to me. I can always tell when you’re lying.”

 

“I don’t know what you want me to say. I’m not okay. I’m pregnant. I have to make a choice to kill one of my babies or all three of us could die. Or the baby will die anyway.” Jaejoong choked on his tears.

 

“Jae…”

 

“Don’t. I don’t want to talk right now. Just hold me. Please? Just hold me?”

 

Yunho pulled Jaejoong closer and rubbed his back. “I love you and I’ll be here for you. No matter what, I’ll be here.”

 

Jaejoong buried his head into Yunho’s shoulder. He nodded. He didn’t want to talk. He didn’t want to say or hear anything. He laid back, pulling Yunho with him. All he wanted was to be warm under Yunho’s body. He wanted Yunho to kiss him and make his feel better.

 

Yunho followed Jaejoong’s lead. They laid in the semi-darkness together, holding each other. Neither one prepared to make the difficult choice ahead of them. Yunho peppered Jaejoong’s face with soft kisses. Jaejoong tried to blink back the tears.

 

“Shh. Don’t cry, Baby. I’m here. I’m here.” Yunho murmured, his lips still pressed against Jaejoong’s temple.

 

Jaejoong broke down. “I can’t do this. Don’t make me make this choice. I can’t,” he sobbed into Yunho shirt.

 

“Just rest. Jihee and your mom are bring Changmin and Jyuni home. If you remain stable through the night, you’re getting released in the morning. We can talk about it then.”

 

“I’m at least 5 weeks along.”

 

Yunho looked at Jaejoong, confused. “What?”

 

“I’m at least 5 weeks pregnant. That’s how far I was when we first heard Jyuni’s heartbeat. Changmin liked to scare us and move away from the ultrasound thing so we couldn’t see him or hear him, but it was about the same time. 5 weeks.”

 

“You’re right.”

 

“I want to keep them. I want to give them both a chance. It’s not fair, that one should have to die because its heart isn’t as strong as the other.”

 

“Jaejoongie…” Yunho started to speak. “Never mind. We’ll talk about it in the morning.”

 

“This is my decision,” Jaejoong said, rather forcefully.

 

“I know. And I’m not going to argue with you. Nor am I going to try to force you to do anything. I just think we should talk about it in the morning. I’m very tired and I’m sure you are too. Let’s just get some sleep for now. And when I’m not jet lagged and you’re feeling better you can tell me what you want to do.” Yunho relaxed into the narrow bed. They haven’t sleep together in such a small bed since before Jyuni was born.

 

“I told you what I want to do. Why does how tired I’m have to affect my decision? I’m of sound mind and body. I’m not even tired.”

 

“I know. Jae, let’s just sleep.”

 

“There’s something you’re not telling me,” Jaejoong accused.

 

“Jaejoong, you know everything I know. Please. I just want to sleep.”

 

“The it is? ‘Keep everything from Jaejoong’ month? Tell me what you know!”

 

“Christ Jae! No one is keeping anything from you. This could be a very dangerous pregnancy for you. You could die! Not just like how it was with Minnie. If you go into labor early your blood pressure and heart rate could bottom out. You died for 5 minutes today. They were going to call your time of death!” Yunho stood and paced the room. He was practically yelling. “What would we have done with you? Huh? Do you really think I could raise two kids by myself? If I lost you today… I can’t even begin to think about it right now. This pregnancy could kill you.”

 

“Yunho…” Jaejoong sat up. Yunho never raised his voice or lost his temper.

 

Yunho sat back down on the edge of the bed, he expression softening from anger to concern. “I love you, so much. I can’t live without you. Neither can Jyuni or Changmin. I want you to think about your health first. Please, think about yourself.” He caressed Jaejoong’s face as he spoke.

 

Jaejoong crawled onto Yunho’s lap and cried. He let all his worry and frustration out, knowing that Yunho would just hold him. He cried until there was nothing left in him and Yunho’s shirt was soaked through.

 

“Can we sleep now?” Jaejoong hiccupped through his words. He was suddenly exhausted.

 

“Of course.” Yunho poured a glass of water from the pitcher on the bed-side table. “Drink this first.”

 

Jaejoong drained the glass and handed it back to Yunho. He stretched out on the bed first; just like as if they were at home. Yunho smiled and laid down next to his husband, wrapping his arms around Jaejoong’s waist. His fingers splayed across Jaejoong’s stomach and he wondered what it would be like to feel the babies move. He kissed the back on Jaejoong’s head before they drifted off to sleep together.

 

 

 

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I may or may not be sad right now and be funneling it through my writing. Don't worry though, this has a happy ending.