I hear two members gulping. My mouth just dries out. Has he been listening?

                Jung Min raises both his eyebrows at us asking for an answer. None of us speaks. Is it appropriate to tell him about this? Does the patient should be aware of all his symptoms, or is it the doctor’s job? Maybe we should talk to the doctor first before spilling anything at Jung Min.

      “We have to tell you something” Leader says in a troubled tone.

      I hold out my arm across the table warning hyung but he hesitates to listen. Jung Min paces towards us and takes a seat next to me. I feel like my blood is freezing. Is he expecting me to say it? Is that why he sat next to me when there’s an empty chair next to Leader? Can this get any worse?

      “Can we not?” I mouth the words glaring at Leader.

      “We have to. He has to know”

      “Fine” I shake my head with annoyance and stare down.

      A while passes and none of us says anything. The room is so quiet that we can hear us breathing so clearly. I see Jung Min crossing his arms over the chest and turning at our side.

      “Am I supposed to read your minds and know what you were going to tell me?” He asks in a low, sarcastic voice.

      “What did the doctor say?” Young Saeng hyung asks.

      “Let’s not go there” Jung Min replies in disappointment.

      Hyun Joong hyung barges in. “No, we are going there. What did she say? Did she ask us to leave you?”   

      Jung Min sighs, looking down.

      “What did she say Jung Minah?” He asks again.

      “She said that I’m getting worse and told me to ask you all to leave”

      “And?”

      “And I said no. What else do you expect me to say?”

      “So did she listen to you?” I ask.

      “I don’t know. She kept arguing and then you took the phone from me”

      “Did you call her or did she call you?” I ask again.

      “I did”

      “Why?” Kyu Jong asks.

      “Because I wanted to tell her that you are here. And then she started scolding me”

      “What time did she call you?” I jump back in.

      Jung Min sighs again with the annoyance at our question session and grabs his phone. I eye him going into the call log and frowning at the screen.

      “I can’t find her call” He finally says after scrolling down a several times. “Did you guys delete it?”

      “No” Young Saeng hyung and Leader says at the same time.

      “Then where’s the call?” Jung Min asks holding out his phone.

      “You tell us” I say taking it.

      “What do you mean you tell us? I perfectly remember calling her and arguing with her”

      “Then where’s the call Jung Minah?”

      “Are you accusing me of lying?” He shouts at my face.

      “Of course not!” I shout back but not in a tone of anger. “We are just trying to make sure how you talked with the doctor when none of you called each other” 

      “So now you are saying that I pretended to talk with her? Or-or that I was acting this whole thing?”

      “Jung Minah, why don’t you calm down for a moment and just listen to what we are saying?” Kyu says in the most relaxed tone in the world.

      “How can I calm down when you all are accusing me for faking my sickness?”

      “Who said you are faking your sickness?” I turn at him.

      “You said!”

      My ear drums almost explode with his volume.

      “When did I say that?” I shout again.

      Jung Min immediately stands up opening his mouth to say something.

      But Leader hyung slaps the back of my palm across the table. “Hyung Junah!! Not now”

      I sigh and turn to the other side. Typical JungMin: Never listening to other’s explanations. That good for nothing detective was easier to be dealt with than with this Jung Min.

      Kyu makes a ‘tsk’ sound at me and starts talking. “We aren’t saying you faked it Jung Minah. We are just worried about you”

       “Just sit down and listen to us” He adds after a moment.

      Jung Min sits down with annoyance and moves his arm away not letting it touch mine. I regret shouting. But I’m not good with holding back my anger for long either.

      “Are you hundred percent sure that you called her before we played games?” Leader hyung asks in a less-tensed tone.

      “I think I am...” He says rubbing his chin.

      “I mean, if you don’t believe us you can check your call records at the end of the month” I speak with a dry mouth that it makes me cough.

      Jung Min gives a slap right under my nape making me startle and talks again. “So there was no call?” He asks from Leader in a confused tone.

      Hyung shakes his head at Jung Min.

      “But don’t worry. I’m sure you are fine. We just wanted to tell you so you know before-hand what’s going on” Kyu says.

      For a moment I feel like this was the stupidest thing we had ever done; telling Jung Min about this. It’s not like he was aware of doing it. What is there for him to know before-hand? I know I’m very glad members are here but I would have been gladder if they just ended up in a hotel rather than in Jung Min’s apartment. That’s my fault anyway.

      “Ah, I don’t know. I’m going to get some sleep” Jung Min says standing up.

      We all make a huh sound raising it as a question.

      “What? I’m tired” He says and leaves the kitchen.

      We watch him disappear from our sight. I feel like smacking the out of me right now for worrying so much when Jung Min didn’t even care about this in the first place. Why have I been worried so much that he’d be disappointed in himself because of this? What kind of an idiot am I? Seriously?

      “That was... weird” Leader says dragging the last word.

      “Tell me about it” I say pulling the soup bowl closer and gulping down a several spoonfuls.

      After a few seconds I look up to see all the members staring at me with confusion.

      “What? I’m hungry” I snap in the same tone Jung Min said before and start looking for vegetables in the soup.

      “You both are weird” Leader says again and this time highlighting the word both.

      “Guess I’m used to weird now” I reply and continue my search for the vegetables.

      They don’t know the fact that I’m eating out of nervousness. I’m not used to this weird at all. I’m clearly not used to Jung Min ignoring such a huge symptom of his sickness. Has he been planning this all along? Is that why he’s not surprised?

      I mean sure he did fight with us; that I knew from the start. But what was that reaction? If it was me, I would have flipped the world by now. But here we have Jung Min who doesn’t even care.

      Right now I don’t know whose crazy; me or him? Not that I’m saying he’s crazy.

“What’s the time now?” Kyu asks after cleaning up the dishes with Young Saeng hyung.

      I glance at the wall clock. “Five past midnight”

      “I’m going to sleep. I’m so sleepy” Leader hyung says making his way into the guest room while stumbling a few times.

      Kyu Jong and Young Saeng hyung follows him into the room and before closing the door, Kyu turns at me.

      “Go to sleep Junah, it’s late. Don’t think about it much” He says giving me a smile.

      “Nah, I won’t. He didn’t take it seriously either”

      He nods and closes the door behind him.

      I let out a loud sigh and leans to the couch. I heard the sound of the guest room’s light switching off. The living room light is dimmed and the hallway looks darker than this one. I better run to Jung Min’s room before I start imaging all the horror movie characters I have seen in my whole life.

      Isn’t it funny how you feel scared and then suddenly all those scary figures start flowing into your head? Isn’t one enough, why all of them? It’s like seeing Kayako crawling on the ground over there and then some jawless woman standing at the door and another Japanese woman at the corner of the ceiling.

      Holy ing god what am I even thinking?

      I sprint to Jung Min’s room even if my arm starts hurting as it shakes. My heart starts slowing down only after I close the door behind me. His bedside lamp is on and even mine; so I feel less scared in the room. I have two lights with me and a human in the room.

      Jung Min is turned to other side from mine, facing the window. I wonder why his lamp is still on. He usually switches it off before sleeping. None of us are comfortable sleeping with lights on.

      “Jung Minah?” I whisper to make sure if he’s sleeping.

      He doesn’t react at all. I tiptoe to his side. I look at him to make sure if he’s sleeping but his face is covered with his blanket. After switching off the lamp quietly as I can, I tiptoe back to my side and slowly make myself comfortable on the bed.

      As I’m settled down under the blanket, I turn off the light and close my eyes hoping to catch some sleep. But things keep playing inside my mind. I’m still trying to figure out why Jung Min reacted that way? And I start regretting for suggesting to the members to stay here, and then shouting at Jung Min earlier. I regret a lot don’t I? Isn’t that what I always do?

      I do things without thinking twice and then I regret it. It’s like some habit I’m born with. Even though I realize that it hurts other people, I still can’t seem to stop myself. I am working on it but I never succeed.

      I sigh in a low volume and tighten my closed eyes until I hear a sniffing sound. My eyes immediately open.

      I feel Jung Min moving in his sleep. Maybe he was just snoring.

      I close my eyes again until sleep catches me.

      But the sound is back again. But this time it feels like he’s sobbing. I can barely hear him. I slowly turn to his side and he immediately stops.

      “Jung Minah?” I whisper.

      He doesn’t reply.

      “I know you are awake” I add.

      “Just go to sleep” He says in a breaking voice and hides his face inside the pillow.

      “Are you crying?”

      “No” He snaps back.

      I rub his shoulder. “It’s going to be okay, I promise”

      He shakes his head.

      “Please don’t cry. We are really sorry for suddenly scaring you with such big news. I wasn’t going to tell you but members didn’t listen to me. I’m so sorry” I apologize thinking he’d feel better.

      But who am I kidding? What’s making him cry isn’t the fact that we told him. It’s the fact that even though we try to hold on, we both know he’s seeing no sunlight after all.

      “It wasn’t your fault” He says after a few while.

      “Let’s just tell the doctor about this and figure it out, okay?”

      “Just go to sleep Junah” He says shaking his head.

      “I’ll sleep if you stop crying”

      “Fine, I’m done. Now sleep”

      “If you are lying-”      

      “I’m not lying” He immediately turns to my side. “See? I’m done crying. Go to sleep now and let me sleep too”

      I can hardly see him in this darkness but no tears are shining at the corners of his eyes at least.

      “Fine, fine” I say and turn to lie on my back.

       A several minutes pass and I carefully listen to every sound in the room. I just want to make sure he isn’t crying anymore.

      “Oh and I’ll kill you if you tell anyone about this” He says pressing his fist against my temple.

      “Mhm” I nod staring at the ceiling.

      “I mean it. I will really kill you”

      “I know you are capable of it. No need to exaggerate” I say letting out a slight laugh.

      “Good. Sleep”

      “You sleep”

      “I am sleeping!”

      “Then how are you talking?”

      “How are you talking?”

      “With my mouth”

      “You won’t win this argument so just sleep” He says turning around.

      “Look who’s giving up” I say through another laugh.

      “I won’t” He says in a dead serious tone.

      I say nothing to his words. His tears were literally releasing the life out of me. But I know what he said and I know that he meant it. I have no reason to mention this incident to anyone. I’m good at keeping secrets as long as they’ll protect my friends.