I go out from the doctor’s room and ask Jung Min to go in. The doctor’s words keep repeating in my head.

            “Please Hyung Jun-ssi, leave Jung Min right now. After he comes in to the room just leave without telling him. That way you won’t have to give him an explanation either. Just tell him that you’ll wait outside so he won’t come out for a while. Don’t even think about stopping at his apartment. Go to your omma and leave the country”

            What am I going to do? Jung Minnie gives me a warm smile as he goes in. I stare into his painful eyes, how can I leave him in this state? He needs me doesn’t he? The doctor won’t understand. She’s just thinking about the risk, not about what will happen to Jung Min. He has become a bit happier after I came here but if I suddenly leave he’ll just fall down. I don’t want him to feel that way again. I can’t leave him. It’s my decision, whatever’s going to happen will happen to me.

I’m still sitting on the chair at the hallway in the hospital. I didn’t leave yet. I don’t want to. For the past half an hour so many things were going in my mind. Should I just call members and ask what they think about this? Maybe they’ll help me come into the right decision. I don’t want to be stubborn. I don’t want anything bad happening to Jung Min either. Then again I don’t want to leave either. Her words repeat in my head again.

            “If something happens I don’t think I’ll have fair answers for anything. And also I don’t think you’d like if everyone starts blaming Jung Min-ssi”

            Would something really happen? Will he try to do something to me; something extreme? And then will people start blaming him? Will they say it was his entire fault though he was going through a bad stage in life? Will members be able to defend him? Will anyone be able to defend him with every hate he might get? Should I think twice about not leaving?

            Suddenly a crowd of people come into the hallway. They all sit down next to me and start talking and talking. I’m hearing more than twenty voices and my head feels like it’ll explode. I don’t even know the language and it becomes tiring. I keep looking down being careful to not let anyone recognize me. I wait for another while for them to leave but they just don’t! I’m done with being next to a crowd. I take off from the hospital.

I find myself sitting on a bench at the beach after a while. The wind soothes me. I keep on thinking whether I should leave or not. The waves’ sound is so better than that noise of the crowd. There aren’t much people at the beach maybe because it’s the morning. The sound of the waves, leaves rustling, the birds’ voices and the sound of the wind; it all makes me calm down for a while. I feel really tired. I lean to the back of the bench and close my eyes.

            But then my phone starts ringing. I look at the screen; it’s Young Saeng hyung.

            “Ah hyung” I pick up.

            “Hyung Junah neo odiya?”

            “Singapore” I try to be funny.

            “Ah ara pabo! I mean are you with Jung Min?” He asks.

            “Aniya I’m at the beach. Jung Min’s in hospital”

            “Is he okay?” His tone turns into a worried one.

            “Yeah yeah, he’s just going through a therapy session”

            “Ah arasso. How is he now?”

            Here comes the question.

            “Not good” I say without thinking.

            “What? Why? What happened?”

            “The doctor told me that he haven’t had any kind of improvement for the past two months” My voice breaks.

            “But… why is that? Ain’t the therapist good?”

            “She is. I don’t know she said that after going through his records she noticed that he ain’t improving at all. His situation is getting worsened and umm…” I pause.

            “And?”

            “Aniya”

            “And what?” Hyung asks and I say nothing. “Hyung Junah?” He asks again.

            “She asked me to leave” I finally say it; my heartbeat races.

            “Why? What’s the reason?”

            “She said that patients with personality disorders can act very violent so it’s risky for me to stay next to him”

            “Bull! He ain’t going to do anything to you” Hyung’s tone goes furious.

            “I know, but she said friends, family doesn’t matter for those types of patients. So it’s very risky”

            “Are you thinking of leaving then?” Young Saeng hyung asks softly.

            “Molla hyung. I don’t know what to do. I mean he needs me right now, he needs a friend but I can’t stay next to him either. What choice do I have? I don’t want to leave but I have to leave. I don’t know what to do or what to say I mean I don’t even know how to face him anymore! I can’t even dream about him killing me or anything but then again that doctor says he can do such a violent extreme thing. What am I going to do? Should I come back or should I stay here?”

            “Hyung Junah… calm down” Hyun Joong hyung’s voice comes up.

            “Hyung?”

            “Calm down now. Calm down and think about it” He says.

            Maybe Young Saeng hyung gave the phone to Hyun Joong hyung or maybe I’m on speaker phone.

            “What am I going to do?” I ask.

            “If you’re scared then come home or else take the risk” He says.

            If I’m scared?

            “I don’t think I am hyung. I don’t know… I’m not sure”

            “Hyung Junah… Jung Minnie needs you. You understand it right? The doctor does know Jung Min’s sickness but she doesn’t know who Jung Min is” Kyubbi’s voice comes up and it strangely calms me down.

            “Hyung Junah… Listen to me. Don’t do anything just because you think it’s right. Think about in everyone’s side okay? First think about from your side; whether you’re scared to be around him or not. You might still haven’t faced the worst yet but think harder whether you’ll be able to handle it or not. Then think about from Jung Min’s side whether he’ll be okay or even a little bit not upset with the fact that you’ve left when he needed you the most. After that think about what the doctor-ssi said. She’s just warning you not threatening you. She ain’t forcing you. She has given you a choice. She just doesn’t want you to get hurt that’s it. She ain’t trying to separate friends; she’s just doing her job. She’s responsible if something happens because she was the doctor and if people get to know that she didn’t even try to warn you then everyone are going to turn against her; we might too. It’s your call Hyung Junah… we can’t always make things right or change them; the least we can do is face it and act according to the situation. I’m not asking you to leave but think about it. If you are up for a huge risk then… Jung Min’ all yours” Kyu Jongah gives a long speech.

            I sigh. His words carry a huge meaning; his words are never empty as usual.

            “We aren’t looking down on you just because you’re the maknae and that you won’t be able to face such a thing. We are just asking you to think about it from your side too” He adds.

            “What if I stay?” I suddenly ask.

            I didn’t even notice the words slipping from my mouth. I didn’t even plan them.

            “Your choice baby” Kyubbi says.

            “Hyung Junah… maknae’s also grow up you know. Not only it’s always hyungdeul who can take risks” Hyun Joong hyung says.

            “I’ll have to think about this more” I say regretting my words.

            I honestly didn’t 100% plan on staying. Somewhere inside I did want to leave because I was scared but a huge part of me knew that I don’t want to either.

            “Maybe you should talk about this with Jung Min” Young Saeng hyung says.

            “Then he’ll ask me to leave. You know how he is right?” I say.

            “Think more about what you are going to do. You’re at the beach right? Stay there and think calmly. Don’t panic. If you need anything then call us, arasso?” He says again.

            “Hmm… annyeong” I hang up.

            The wind is a bit cold and it gives me chills. I lie down on the couch. I hope people won’t think I’m a homeless person. The thought makes me smile. I close my eyes and just remember everything. The feeling I had when I saw him here, right in this very beach after months and months. How excited and happy I was back then. And now all I have is sadness inside me. I might be more sad and depressed if I leave him. Then I wouldn’t know how his day was, how he dealt with all this sickness. I won’t know what he’s feeling; whether he’s happy or sad. I would die with curiosity of not knowing how he is. I can’t leave, I won’t leave. I don’t want to leave. I can’t handle the feeling of not knowing what’s happening to him. I can’t. I’m going to stay with him. Yes, this is my last decision. The doctor can’t forcibly kick me out of the country. If it’s such an issue for her then I’ll stay secretly. I can come up with some reason and ask Jung Min to tell her that I’m not here. Yes, this is it. I’m staying.

            I get up and dial Hyun Joong hyung’s number.

            “Hyung Junah” He picks up.

            “Hyung, I’m going to stay” I snap.

            “Are you sure?”

            “Yes. I’m going to stay. I don’t want to leave him in this situation. It’s too pressuring for him so I want to help him”

            “If it gets too tiring tell me okay? At least one of us will try to come there” He says.

            “Ok I will. But if anyone’s going to come then it has to be you. I don’t think having another emotional person here would help anything. I might need someone stronger than me” I say.

            “Okay. I get it. Tell me if it’s needed. I can handle a horse”

            His words make me chuckle.

            “What should I do now hyung? Should I go to the hospital again or?” I ask.

            “If you are okay then go, or else if you want to stay at the beach for some more time then call him and tell him where you are, so that he won’t be worried”

            “Arasso. I’ll call him. I think I want to stay a bit more”

            “Mmm… Then I’ll hang up okay? Call me if you need to talk”

            “Mmm…” I hang up.

            I send a text to Jung Min’s number saying I’m at the beach. I shove the phone into my trouser pocket and lie down on the bench again and close my eyes. It’s getting colder and I didn’t even wear a sweater. I look at the time; it’s still noon. I keep on remembering the old days; days when we didn’t had these problems. The days which we were just worrying about what we were going to do to make our next album better; days which we didn’t had to worry about life risks. Things have become so serious now. None of us can take it back now. None of us can make Jung Min the bad person here either. He ain’t wrong. These kinds of things are natural; not like he wanted to gain this sickness. Who was at fault were us! We didn’t care back then. All we did was get annoyed with what he did and ignore him. Other than that none of us really thought about why Jung Min has changed this much and we didn’t try to help him either. We were wrong, so wrong.

I feel someone shaking me. It feels more like a dream so I try to sleep again.

            “Ilonah… Hyung Junah” I recognize the voice.

            I immediately open my eyes. It has become darker than before. The sun is almost gone. Jung Min is kneeling in front of me giving me an ‘are you a beggar?’ expression.

            “Oh… I might have fallen asleep” I whisper.

            “You might have? Yah! Neo michchaseo? Hana; you didn’t tell me that you were leaving the hospital. Deul; I tried limitless times to call you but it was switched off! I almost went crazy searching for you! Seth; you slept on a public bench! Dude, we have come here for concerts! SS501 has something called this ‘reputation’ which probably doesn’t exist in your vocabulary but seriously we got to return for concerts and such so act like an idol!” He slaps my forehead gently.

            “I wasn’t sleepy though. I just lied down for a moment. But hey my phone was on all the time, I even sent you a text nah”

            “What text? You didn’t send me anything! Do you know how much I searched for you? I was going crazy thinking something might have happened to you!”

            “But I swear I sent you a text! Here, see” I take out my phone from the pocket.

            It has switched off. I try to switch it on but the battery is dead. Maybe the text didn’t get delivered? I wasn’t much aware of the battery life when I was talking with hyungdeul anyway.

            “How did you find me?” I ask.

            “I called Hyun Joong hyung. I didn’t know what else to do” He says.

            “Oh… Mianhe” I say scratching my head.

            “Jinja paboya! You seriously scared me! I haven’t been this scared in my whole life! Dude I’m going through hell right now so don’t make it worse” He says in a teasing tone.

            But he’s right. He really is going through hell and all I’m doing is making it harder for him. But no, I ain’t going to leave. If I go, it’ll be two times harder than now. I should have at least waited for his reply before.

            “Doctor-ssi told me some weird things. That’s why I was this scared” He says.

            “Weird things?” I ask back.

            Oh no she didn’t!

            “It’s just… after you went outside I had my session as usual and then I suddenly wanted to see whether you’re there or not. So I came out and you weren’t there. I started going through every hallway and then doctor came and told me you probably might have left”

            “Oh…” I got nothing else to say to that.

            “I asked her where and she wouldn’t tell me. I thought maybe you really left. I mean not the hospital. As in, really left” He sighs.

            Suddenly I get goose bumps on my arms. He’s feeling down just by thinking about it, I don’t even want to imagine how it would be if I really leave; how he would react.

            “Hyung Junah… are you hiding something from me?” He asks with a locked gaze on me.

            “Ah? Aniya” I quickly say and look away.

            I can’t lie to his face.

            “You are hiding something aren’t you? I knew it! There is something going on. Neither doctor-ssi won’t come and tell me that with such a downhill expression. It’s like she knew all about it; more like you both knew about it. What are you hiding ah? Tell me” He shakes my hands.

            “It’s nothing! I’m not hiding anything” I say still looking away.

            A huge wind blows and makes me shiver. It’s really cold in the evening here. I start trembling a little.

            “Are you cold? Ah paboya why didn’t you bring a sweater? It’s almost winter now; of course it gets darker early and cold at night.” He stands up and sits next to me.

            He takes off his coat and covers me with it.

            “Aren’t you cold?” I ask.

            “Aniya, I’m wearing a sweater too” He says.

            He gives me a cold look with a highly suspicious expression. I have to keep shut in whichever way I can! He’s totally going to make me spill everything but I have to be careful. I don’t want to hurt him. How has he become such a smart person? He almost understands everything that’s happening around him. What lie should I tell? What should I come up with? Or should I just tell him the truth so that he won’t be fooled. If he ever gets to know the truth one day, he’s going to hate me for lying won’t he? Yeah, he will. That’s usual Park Jung Min; never being able to accept lies. Maybe I should wait till we get home and tell him all this. Or should I ask hyungdeul about this? Maybe I should call them.

            I make a ‘tsk’ sound with everything that’s going on in my head. I don’t know what to do or what to say. I don’t know how to deal with anything. Part of me wants to tell him everything and another part of me doesn’t want to.

            Ah it. I’m going to tell him.

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Happy 3000 debut day pretties :) I usually don't ask but, hehe hope you can upvote my story :) thanks.