“Teokbokki!!!” A loud shout wakes me up.

                I scratch my forehead with annoyance. My sleep was deep but Jung Min’s voice is loud enough to wake me up though he has never been able to wake up leader hyung with it. His voice keeps ringing in my head like a bell. I shake my head and try to get up.

                The pain takes all over me again. My inner muscles hurt. I really can’t give any force to my arms. But I have to show Jung Min that I’m able of walking and managing myself alone so that he’d take me to the airport with him.

                I clench my teeth so hard till it hurts my head and finally bring myself up. Jung Minnie doesn’t really notice the strength I put in. He’s busy pouring water into a glass. I bear the pain all the way  until I adjust my pillow and lean to the headboard.

                “Oh you up?” He asks turning to me.

                I nod with a smile and try to stretch. But it’s too painful so I give up. Jung Minnie brings the soup bowl to the bed with a tray. I look outside through the window and notice that the sun is up already. The delicious smell of the soup makes my mouth water. Jung Min ain’t the best cook in the world but he can do better than me of course. The soup seems mighty fine.

                “Want me to feed you?” He asks.

                “Aniya… I can manage. Did you eat yet?”

                He shakes his head.

                “Where’s your bowl?” I ask in a pretty loud tone.

                “There” He says pointing at the table.

                “What is it doing there? Get that thing and eat it”

                “I was wondering if I’d have to feed you so I thought of eating later”

                “But you don’t have to, so get it and eat it” I say in a commanding tone.

                “Okaaaay” He widens his eyes at me and brings back his soup bowl.

                I notice him stretching his fingers time to time to get rid of pain. I feel bad for him. My appetite disappears but I still keep shoving rice cakes down my throats neither Jung Min will surely scold me. I would have fed him but I can’t lift my arm more than two inches. All I can barely manage is to lift my hand up to my mouth. I desperately need a pain-killer. But I can’t ask for one either. He’d start his whole lecture on how hurt I am and how much I should rest.

Can this get any worse?

                “Your shoulder still hurting?” He asks.

                “Your hand still hurting?” I ask back.

                He says nothing and stares down at the soup bowl.

                “Don’t you dare tell me now that I ain’t going to the airport with you” My tone a bit angry.

                “I can go alone” He replies.

                My body starts heating up with anger. I knew why he asked that question. He was slowly getting into this conversation and convincing me not to go. But I ain’t giving up.

                “I’m perfectly fine. So I’m going” I snap and gulp down another spoonful of soup.

                I’m not really eating because I’m hungry but because I’m angry. He lectures me on how he’s letting someone in and curing him but then he ends up rejecting everything. This cannot go on forever. He won’t be getting to do that with me.

                “Okay fine! Come!” He shouts and immediately stands up with the soup bowl in his hand.

                The sudden movement makes some soup spill onto the floor. He couldn’t care any less. I watch him aggressively placing the bowl on the tray and leaving the room with furious steps.

                “Why do you want to go alone so much? Do you want to kill yourself again?” I shout behind him.

                “Again? One can’t kill themselves twice” He says in a teasing tone, peeping through the door post.

                I look away.

                “Alright… I’m just scared that members will freak out seeing your injuries at the airport and then book another flight right back and leave” He says in a low tone.

                “Jung Min please!” I wiggle my eyebrows at him.

                “Hyung Junah things make people change! And I-”

                I cut him off. “You and I are going to the airport and that’s it. Stop with this emotional drama, it’s certainly not fitting to your personality”

                “I said fine already. I didn’t object”           

                “But you are giving me reasons!” I talk back at him.

                “You asked for it!”

                I don’t reply. His eyes burn with anger. I can sense him getting very close to another tantrum. I should be more careful and not talk back again.

                “They’ll be here in another few hours” He says in a dry tone and leaves.

                I sharply concentrate on his footsteps. And then I hear him collapse onto the sofa. The sound of cushions puffing out air and I know, he’s safe. And I can fianlly relax.

My light sleeps breaks as the phone vibrates next to my ear. My arms feel exhausted but I grab the phone as soon as I can. Hyun Joong hyung’s name pops up on the screen. I suddenly feel secured; just as everything is in its place and that nothing is wrong. Members are here! I know things are going to be alright and that I’m not alone anymore.

                “Hyung” I answer the call.

                “Ah Junah... we are here” He says in an excited tone.

                There, I let out a loud sigh with my eyes tightly closed. Finally, finally!

                “Arasso. We are coming to pick you up” I say; my tone is extremely calm and relaxed.

                “Aniya. Give me the address, we’ll come there”

                No. I want to see hyungdeul as soon as I can. And I just want to show Jung Min that at least for once I’m capable of doing something. I’m done with always losing and losing.

                “Nah we have already planned to come so”

                “Geurae. We just landed so still in the plane. Can you guys reach the airport by the time we clear out?”

                “Yeah, it ain’t much far”

                “Mmm… see you then” Hyung hangs up.

                I hug Jung Min’s phone to my chest and decide to call out for him.

                “Jung-” I pause.

                I should go look for him. He might be asleep on the couch.

                The pain is lesser than before as I try to get out from the bed. I feel cold as I’m wearing no shirt. I look around but I can’t spot any clothes either and I really don’t want to deal with a cupboard right now. I should just go search for him.

                The hallway is a bit dark but the evening sun streams into house through the windows. I hear a lot of vehicle sounds outside; it must be a busy day. Well to be honest, I don’t know what day it is.

                As I get closer to the living room with my limping foot, I hear a light snoring. The sound makes me smile; a smile of assurance to be exact. I turn to the side of the living room.

                He’s comfortably sleeping on the sofa with one leg up on the inside back. His arm fallen off the sofa onto the floor. His lips parted and he’s sleeping soundly. I get greedy to wake him up. He has been through enough and he needs rest. But I have to go pick up the members and I can’t leave Jung Min alone. I’ll just wake him up.

                I pace to him making no sound and manage to kneel down next to his arm.

                “Jung Minah…” I say gently lifting up his arm and carefully placing it on the sofa again.

                He doesn’t react, at all. I smile again. He’s exhausted.

                “Jung Minah… Hyungdeul are here, wake up” I shake him a little bit.

                My shoulders hurt but not as much as before. He slightly opens his eyes and curls his eyebrows with annoyance. Should I be afraid of being kicked?

                I take two steps backward and shake him again.

                “Go away!” He shouts.

                “Yah! We have to go the airport!” I shout this time.

                I don’t have time for ‘waking up Park Jung Min game’ right now.

                “They are here?” He asks in a sleepy voice.

                “Mmm… c’mon get up. We got to go”

                He sits on the couch and I give my weight to the sofa handle and bring myself up. Thankfully I don’t feel like losing my balance anymore. Jung Min stretches and gets out of the sofa.

                “We both got to brush our teeth. Your shoulders are still hurting right? I’ll arrange the clothes and stuff. Go wash your face and come” He says.

                “Arasso” I go back to the room to grab my towel and try my best not to limp in front of him.

                But here and there even I can’t help it. I’m pushing myself too hard but I have to do it for him. He shouldn’t see my weaker side. I grab the towel from the hanger and go into the bathroom.

                It’s hard to for me to keep standing up so I sit on the sink counter to brush my teeth. I have to be quick so that hyungdeul won’t have to wait for long.

                I towel off my face and neck and come out. Jung Minnie has arranged a black jean and a t-shirt for me along with a sweater. I wonder how I’m going to wear all this since I can’t move my shoulders much. Should I ask for help? Or maybe I should try by my own first. I put on the boxer with one hand working while struggling on the bed for a while.

                The pain bites me as I try to lift my hand to shove the shirt in. I clench my teeth.

                “Aish” I snap.

                “Need a hand?” Jung Minnie suddenly appears.

                I nod helplessly. He comes and removes the bandage from my hand so that I won’t have to wear only one sleeve. My arm lifelessly falls down as soon as the bandage is unrolled. He puts his arm under mine so that I can give the weight to him. I tightly close my eyes to deal with the pain until I’m done with wearing the shirt. He adjusts it.

                He takes the sweater and puts it on me. This doesn’t hurt much as it’s a sweater with buttons so I really don’t have to lift my arm for it. He puts on the buttons and adjust my sleeves.

                “Okay right? Sit down” He says picking up the jean.

                I stretch my legs for him to slide up the jean legs and stand up again until he brings it up to my waist. He removes my towel and fastens the buttons. The jean fits so I don’t think I need a belt. And it’s hard for me to wear a belt and tighten this jean while having pain all over my body.

                “Jean okay?” He asks and I nod.

                As we are done with dressing me up Jung Minnie takes out a new bandage roll from the bedside table drawer and puts an arm bandage on me. He does it so professionally that it surprises me. I’m pretty sure the doctor must have taught him. Well yeah he’s obsessed with medicine but this guy is no St. John Ambulance nurse. He makes me sit down again.

                “Here’s the perfume, moisturizer and the brush” He places the three things next to me on the bed and gives me a handheld mirror.

                “Don’t you dare move until I come back from the bathroom? I know your legs are hurting but no, I’m not going to complain” Jung Minnie throws his hands on the air.

                I give him a teasing smile and he disappears into the bathroom with a smirk on his face.

He comes out after a while as I’m done putting perfume on and brushing my hair. His eyes are still sleepy and exhausted. I wait for him to get dressed and put on the moisturizer. After all I’m an idol and I have to look pleasant in a public place. But I know I really am not excited for the attention I’m going to get for my arm.

“Shall we go then?” Jung Minnie asks as he’s done getting ready.

I nod with a huge grin. He sighs shaking his head. I can lift myself up though it hurts. It has become bearable. He comes up to me and hands me a card of pills.

      “Pain killers; take one because we’ll have to walk to the road” He says and hands me a glass of water.

      I think that was the one I used earlier when eating rice cake. I throw two pills into my throat and gulp down a mouthful of water.

      Jung Minnie holds out his hand asking me whether he needs to hold me but I shake my head. I can manage alone. I follow him to the main door and we leave.

We take a cab to the airport. It doesn’t take much long for us to reach there. I called omma on the way telling her about what’s happening. Shocking enough, she has actually come to visit me while I was unconscious. Jung Minnie didn’t say anything to me about that. I really needed to see omma while all this happened because she was the only one close to me after Jung Min. But I decided not to ask the reason from Jung Min as I’m afraid it’ll lead us to another fight; instead I picked on omma and blamed her for not coming back again.

      Myabe Jung Min didn’t want much people around the house.

      He was told by hyungdeul through a text that they have already cleared out baggage and waiting for us at the airport. The cab brakes at the arrival terminal entrance and Jung Min gets off to call hyungdeul. We decided on the way that we won’t go into the airport because too many people will notice my hand plus we don’t want anyone around here to know that SS501 has come.

      “Ah hyung we came already. Come out” Jung Minnie says into the phone.

      We wait for a bit. The exit doors are behind the vehicle so I’m literally twisted towards the side even though it hurts. The terminal seems very busy but it doesn’t take me even a second to recognize members exiting the sliding doors. They are alone with their trolleys and all of them are wearing face masks.

      “Hyung!” Jung Min shouts next to the car and runs towards them.

      I quickly stumble myself out of the cab fighting the pain. The three of them just leave their trolleys and runs to hug Jung Min. He throws himself into their arms and they hug him so tight releasing all their insecurities and fears. Tears roll down my cheeks as I watch Jung Min jumping up and down so happily hugging the members and hyungdeul sobbing like little children. They don’t even notice Jung Minnie’s hand bandages.

      But then the worst part comes; Kyu Jongah spots me.

      “Hyung Junah?” He shouts loudly and then immediately covers up his mouth.

      I wipe away my tears and wait for them to run at me. Young Saeng hyung almost forgot his trolley. I shrug so that none of them will hug me. I don’t think I can bear someone crushing my flesh.

      “What the happened to you?” Hyun Joong hyung snaps in surprise and anger.

      “What’s up with this?” Young Saeng hyung suddenly lifts up Jung Minnie’s hands.

      Oh great.

      “What did you two do? What happened? What is all this? Did you two fight?” Leader asks again.

      I open my mouth to say something but Kyu Jongah cuts me off.

      “Yah! Is this some kind of arrival present for us?” He asks.       

      “We’ll tell you later” Jung Minnie looks away.

      “Later” I repeat and tilt my head to the side of the cab asking them to get in.

      “I can’t believe this. Are you two childish? I know you always fight but my god this is extreme!” Hyun Joong hyung says again.

      “Hyung it’s nothing big. I’ll tell you later when we are home” I say.

      “Now this home; does it have at least two more rooms?” Leader asks.

      “Nope” Jung Min snaps in a dry tone.

      “Ah mweoya igae?” Young Saeng hyung drags the last word.

      “You two are something huh? Gives us a mind-blowing arrival present and then we don’t have a place to live. Thank god we brought enough money for hotels and everything” Hyun Joong hyung says.

      All the joy gone just like that in a millisecond. I knew our stupid fight is going to scare the hell out of members and drop their mood.

      They help me to get into the cab and stuff the back with their luggage. As we are all in, the cab pulls into the road. The seats are made to face each other in this cab. Jung Min sits on the other side from mine with Kyu Jongah, leaving Young Saeng hyung and Hyun Joong hyung with me.

      “I just lost my temper” Jung Min mumbles on the way.

      “Ah?” Kyubbi asks.

      “I lost my temper and this happened” He repeats pointing at me.

      “Your hand then?” Leader hyung asks.

      “I hit him with a chair so it kind of bruised my hands” He lies.

      “You hit him with WHAT?” All three of them ask at the same time.

      “A chair” I say.

      “Don’t tell me you broke your hand” Young Saeng hyung says.

      “Nah, it just needs support for a while” I reply.

      “Hmm… good”

      “I feel sorry for it okay? Not that I’m being proud of what I did” Jung Min says looking outside the shutter.

      “You don’t have to apologize” I say.

      Gosh we had this conversation before.

      “Forget it now. As long as Hyung Junah is fine then it won’t matter” Leader says.

      “He’s not…fine” Jung Min snaps. “Which part of him you see as fine?”

      “It’s just a mistake Jung Minah, forget it” Kyu Jongah places a hand on Jung Minnie’s shoulder.

      “You see? This is what I do when I’m angry! Why do you guys even want to be around me?”

      “Stop it now” I whisper looking down.

      I knew this was coming. Now or later he was going to start this conversation and blame himself again for everything that has happened. I didn’t know a way to stop it and I don’t know now either. I wish members would calm him down.

      “Jung Minah… bad things happen to everyone. Not everything is always our fault. There are things that cannot be helped at times. So best thing for us is to forget it and move on without hanging around that same moment over and over again and be sad about it” Kyu Jongah says rubbing his shoulder.

      Jung Min sighs loudly.

      “Yah! You are still our friend so stop acting like some outsider” Hyun Joong hyung kicks Jung Minnie’s legs.

      “Aish” Jung Min kicks back with a grin on his face.

      “Ajhussi smile!” Young Saeng hyung pulls out his phone and takes a picture of Jung Min.

      He smiles widely into the camera making a V sign. But I notice the sadness on his face. That thin line of anxiety, fear and depression covering his brightly lit face just like a dark cloud that’s just about to drop rain.

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I know I'm updating this after like 2 months..I'm sorry. I've been sick and busy with my university stuff.. I'll try my best to update regurarly but no gurantee. And for everyone who has stayed with patiencel; thank you so much :)