He looks at me and then looks away with a disappointed expression. I keep on struggling inside my mind whether I should tell him or not. Didn’t I decide it earlier that I will tell him? I shouldn’t change my mind now. I slightly turn to his side.

            “She asked me to leave” I say.

            “Dugu?” He asks back in a millisecond.

            “The doctor”

            “Wae?”

            “I don’t know she just did” I lie.

            He sniffs at my answer. “She didn’t give you a reason?”

            “No” I snap.

            He doesn’t say anything but keeps starring at the ocean. I sigh heavily and look away from him. Maybe he doesn’t want to know a reason neither he must have asked me for sure.

            “How long do you think you can keep hiding it?” He asks.

            Oh… my conclusion didn’t last long.

            “She asked you to leave and you did?” He adds.

            “I didn’t leave! I’m here aren’t I?” I scream.

            “But you did! You did leave the hospital. Don’t mess with me and just tell me the reason” He says.

            “It’s nothing” I say.

            How long can I drag this on?

            “I’m not a kindergarten kid. Just because someone would ask you to leave, you won’t leave without a reason. And in this case I’m your best friend! You are going to leave your best friend just because someone told you to do so?” He turns to my side.

            “I don’t want to tell you the reason” I whisper.

            “Wae? Ah stop the drama and tell me” He says giving me an annoyed look.

            “It’s risky” I whisper again in a very low tone.

            “Ah?”He leans closer.

            “She said it’s risky” I snap and immediately look away.

            He doesn’t say anything. I don’t know whether he’s looking at me or somewhere else since I don’t dare to look at him for a while. After a few moments I slowly look up at him. He’s staring at his hands with an unexplainable expression.

            “She saw my tantrum didn’t she?” He asks me.

            My mouth drops open with that unexpected question. I gulp and blink a several times to say something but words just won’t come out.

            “She didn’t even tell me about it. Did she tell you?” He asks again and I keep being silent.

            “Of course she did. Just because I threw a one tantrum she wants you to leave because she thinks it’s risky? Seriously? She keeps an old aged ajhumma to take care of me; like that person can handle me well. And now she’s asking for a well built young boy to leave. Bull, this is all bull” He mutters through his teeth.

            I notice his fist clenching hard. I sigh and continue to stay silent.

            Minutes pass and neither of us say anything.

            “If you want to leave then… just leave” He says after the long pause.

            “I don’t want to” I snap at him.

            “Then why did you come all the way here? You could have just stayed at the hospital and waited for me” He asks.

            I got no answer to that. I did come here, I did want to leave. I can’t lie about that, I don’t want to lie about that.

            “You wanted to leave even for a second didn’t you? Don’t lie to me okay? I know you from years…ah jinja” He shakes his head.

            Is he mad at me? Is he really mad? His head shake really scared me. I knew he was going to get mad over this. I shouldn’t have told him about it in the first place. I’m such an idiotic piece of stupidity.

            “Why are you looking at me with the corner of your eyes?” He suddenly asks.

            I quickly look at the ocean like nothing happened and roll my lips into my mouth.

            “You mad at me?” My voice breaks as I ask.

            “No idiot! I’m mad at that doctor!” He shouts.

            “Why her?”

            “A person should be reasonable if they are going to request something. I mean look at the picture here; ajhumma is freaking old but doctor-ssi dares to keep her with this deadly me. But she doesn’t want you to stay; a well built totally strong young boy. Seriously does it even make sense?” He says making the ‘I don’t know’ gesture with his hands.

            “Yeah that’s what I thought too” I say.

            “Oh yeah like you got a brain to think anyway” He teases me.

            “Or maybe because I’m an idol. Well idols should be cautious with such things shouldn’t they?” I back.

            “Then what am I? DSP’s janitor?” He grins at me and holds up his hand with his fist tightened at me.

            I mimic his biting expression at him and hugely grin. Jung Min’s phone starts to ring suddenly.

            “Oh Hyun Joong hyung” He says looking at the screen. “Ah hyung” He answers it.

            I carefully listen to the conversation ignoring the wave sounds.

            “Ah yeah, yeah I found him. He’s such an idiot; haven’t even charged his phone. I seriously don’t know what world he lives in” Jung Min shouts at me staring wickedly.

            “Ah jeongmal” I whisper.

            “Aniya everything’s fine”.…. “No, no I gave him my coat”….. “Yeah we’ll make something to eat when we get home”….. “Oh no thanks! It’s better not to have him in the kitchen!” He snaps.

            “Yah! Are you guys mocking me?”I ask shaking his hand.

            He pursues his lips to hide a smile but in a second his smile fades away.

            “They want to come here?” He suddenly snaps at the phone.

            Oh now what?

            “But I thought the doctor have told them that I won’t like it!” His tone’s furious.

            Oh ! Who’s coming?

            “No hyung, no excuses okay! I don’t want my mom to burst out crying in front me and appa to ignore me because of the pain! Just ask them not to come”

            His parents are coming? I sweep through my memories. Well the first time I told him that they weren’t going to come, wasn’t he pretty upset about it? What now?

            “I’m really not in the mood to meet anyone else!” His tone is more furious than before.             “No I didn’t mean I don’t want to meet you guys; just not family and other friends you know. It’ll be too tiring for me if everyone keeps giving me the ‘oh you’re that mental patient’ look. I don’t like it so tell them not to come!”

            I pat his arm trying to calm him down. His parents might be hurt if they knew what he just said. Every parent want to take care of their son when he’s sick, isn’t that obvious? Why is he pushing it so hard? He should just back off.

            “Hyung no! Okay? No! Just tell them that it’ll be tiring for me, they’ll understand” He snaps.

            “Dude they are your parents! They just want to see their son, why are you being this rude?” I ask.

            He immediately looks at me. I almost startle with his deadly expression. Not a tantrum… not a tantrum. I chant inside my mind.

            “Just explain it to them arasso? I’m not in the place to comfort a crying omma. I’m weak myself and seeing her weaker would just let me down so no! Tell her it’s not possible”

            “At least call them…” I hit him with my elbow.

            He sighs loudly.

            “I don’t want to” He coldly responds.

            “Why?” I ask.

            “Can’t you see it? Isn’t it obvious? Do you think I’ll be able to handle it if I call them? You think I’ll be able to hold it back? I might cry my eyes out listening to omma’s voice! Do you know how hard it was for me to decide to leave? Do you people even understand the point of me not telling everyone the fact that I was leaving? Why are you guys so absent-minded? What is wrong with you? Why don’t you understand it? Why do you keep pushing me to do something I don’t want to? And you!” He suddenly points at me in the middle of his speech standing up from the bench.

            “You wanted to leave didn’t you? You did, I know you did! But then something made you stay but it’s not the point! The point is you did want to leave!” He keeps poking my shoulder as he speaks.

            “Jung Minah…” I whisper.

            “Shut up! Okay shut up! All of you are the same! None of you understand me; none of you understand what the hell I’m going through. You don’t know how hard it is for me to handle this sickness. You don’t know how much I hate it! Just because I was always the cold one in the group, you all though this sickness would just be nothing for me to deal with. But do you know how much it pressures you when you really feel the difference of acting cold and being actually cold? None of you get it! Neither of you! Just leave Hyung Junah! Just leave! I don’t want to keep someone tied to myself when they really don’t want to stay. Just leave and don’t come back. I’ll decide what I’m going to do when this whole ing mental illness cures!” He throws his phone at my lap and turns around.

            He looks at me for a moment and blink a thousand times and then he suddenly takes off. He starts running. I quickly grab the phone and run behind him.

            “Jung Min neo odiga?” I shout behind him but he doesn’t even care.

            He continues to run even in the main road. The crowd makes me lose him from my sight but I try my best to keep up. He keeps running and running. I follow him from behind shouting like a crazy person. People give the both of us weird looks. Maybe they think he’s a thief and I’m running to catch him.

            “Yah geumanhaja! Yah himdeuleo! Yah geuman! Jung Minah!” I shout from behind.

            I’m panting. I can’t keep up anymore. I pause for a bit and pants but start running again. I don’t know where he might go. He might even hurt himself. I can’t let that happen. I have to stop him somehow.

            “Jung Min jebal geumanhaja!” I shout again.

            I rarely beg him but now I have to since I’m too tired. “Jebal!” I shout again but he doesn’t stop.

            He’s running through a familiar road. Oh wait… this is the way to his apartment? Is he running home? Ah mewoya! I have been following him for nothing then? He was just going home? What the hell is this? Ah jinja! Ah joengmal… aish!

            He runs into his apartment building. This is just so childish! He just took off like that from the beach making me so freaking scared just to come home? What is this; some beauty run or something? Seriously, the heck he’s even thinking?

            He doesn’t take the elevator but runs towards the stairs. Oh great he’s going to climb up twenty stories after running more than a thousand kilometre! I follow him however without stopping. Though he’s running home I still am anxious inside. There must be a reason for him to run like that. After a few stairs I stop. I just can’t keep up anymore. I hear his footsteps pausing for a bit above a couple of stairs. I hear him panting. I take a deep breath and try to catch him up but then he starts running again. Is this some game? What is this seriously this is so childish! What are we playing tag or something?

            “Yah Jung Min ah jinja ijae geumanahaja!” I shout again but he doesn’t stop.

            I finally finish climbing up the stairs to his apartment floor. I run through the hallway again. But as soon I get close his apartment door closes right in front of my face. I try to push it but he locks it from inside. My blood pools in my stomach making me nervous. What is he trying to do? Why did he lock the door? Is he going to do something to himself? I thump the door with both of my hands shouting his name but he doesn’t open it. I suddenly hear something smashing inside. I wait for a moment to listen carefully but then something else smashes again.

            “Yah Jung Minah!” I kick the door but it doesn’t open.

            Things keep smashing inside making loud sounds. I keep thumping the door shouting his name, literally acting like a crazy person. But after a while they all stop. It all goes silent. I’m weary; I don’t even have the energy to keep standing anymore. My body unknowingly slides against the door onto the floor. I try to get up so that I can run to the reception and ask for a spare key but I can’t stand up. I’m too weak. I keep panting.

            “Jung Minah…”I whisper and my voice breaks.

            “Hyung Junah, ga” He speaks from inside.

            His voice is right next to the other side of the door! I open my mouth to respond but it’s dry from the panting. I drag my hand and place it against the door wishing that at least for a second, I could just see through this door; reach through this door.