I go through the hospital records. They aren’t any different from what I’ve read before. His regressions are all there like a pile of books. I sigh from time to time as I read the lines. As I’m done I hand the records to the doctor and sit next to Jung Minnie again.

            “Your expression says that you believe your friend has come a long way” She says.

            “Ah?” I ask as I was spaced out.

            I didn’t hear what she said and neither did I knew what I was thinking about.

            Jung Minnie gently places his hand on mine and squeezes it a little asking me to come into the reality. I give him a slight smile and look up at the doctor.

            “I’m sorry I was spacing out” I say.

            “I figured. It’s alright. Thank you for coming today, it means a lot to Jung Min-ssi” She says and gives me a warm smile.

            I smile back and head out from the room. I sit on the same hallway chair again waiting for him to finish the session. I remember our fight again. I should be more careful with my words. A bitter feeling suddenly hits me. I miss the members. I want them to be with me at this moment. I want someone to be with me. I know Jung Min’s with me but I feel like it’s not enough. He’s the victim here and I’m all alone by myself in this whole thing. I’ve handled worse since childhood but I’m not that guy anymore. I’ve changed. I’ve learnt and matured but all this time after joining the group I had members next to me through everything. I know I’m not alone in this but right now I am. I lift up my head and look around, nobody’s in the hallway. It runs down to the infinite and it’s all isolated and miserable. I just want someone to share everything that I can’t tell Jung Minnie. I was never careful with my words with Jung Min back then. But now, I have to be careful than nothing else. I can’t hurt him but there’s a ton I want to say. I can’t keep talking to myself or call members all the time through phone or flood omma with my thoughts. I just… I just want someone next to me than Jung Min so that if something goes wrong they can make it right. I wish Kyu Jongah was here, he would have made everything alright.

My stomach suddenly growls. Didn’t I just eat? Ah jinja! I look around for a vending machine. There’s one down the hallway which is barely visible. My body hesitates to stand up but however I do and walk up to the machine. What should I eat? Chocolate? Chips? Or should I just drink something? I don’t know let’s try chocolate.

       The machine takes in the money and I enter the code but not even a single thing in the machine moves. The chocolate shelf is still. I enter the code again and it asks for money. What the hell? God I hate vending machines! My stomach growls again. I put in money again and enter the code. Nope! Nothing!

       My life’s messing up with me and so is this damn vending machine. I just want to eat a damn chocolate you piece of ! What is wrong with you? If you took my money you got to give me my food! What the is this?

“Come out” I shout at it.

I start to feel frustrated. Something chimes in my mind; a loud sound.

Alright this it! My adrenaline hits in. My eyes fill with tears as I’m angry to the max right now. I hit the machine with my foot swearing at it as loudly as I can.

       “Yah Hyung Junah!” Jung Minnie pulls me back. “mweohaneungeoya?” He shouts.

I struggle for moment with him asking him to let me go but his grab is hard. After a few seconds I calm down and I slowly slide down to the ground.

       I sit down and hide my face between my knees hugging them to myself. I feel Jung Min sitting down next to me.

“Calm now?” He asks patting my shoulder.

I give him a slight nod still hiding my face.

“What happened?” He asks again.

“Aniya” I whisper.

            “Tell me what’s wrong? You don’t act like this”

            “I don’t know what to do” I whisper again.

            “About what?” He asks.

            “About this! About everything”

            He pulls me up from my arm and makes me sit on a hallway chair. I look around as I sit down and notice the doctor a few feet away from us. Jung Min signals her to leave. She does and the hallway becomes isolated again.

            “Junnie what’s wrong?” He asks and places his hand on my head checking for fever.

            “I don’t know” I shake my head.

            “Try…”

            Okay, I will then.

            “Everything I’ve been through in my childhood, I was used to it because it kept happening every day. But after I met the members they stayed with me through everything and I suddenly forgot how to deal with something alone. Right now I’m confused like nothing else because I have to be so careful with you. Back then when I didn’t know about all this I acted with you how I usually did and nothing was a pressure. But now I have to check every single move of mine, every single word of mine and it’s such a pressure. When I suddenly snap that in the cab I realized how much I have to be careful. I want someone to talk to right now someone to tell what’s on my mind because I can’t tell anything to you. If I do you might feel bad or you might get angry and hit me again. I’m pressured, confused and sometimes I feel like it was really stupid for me to come here alone because this is too much for me to handle. I’m not saying I regret finding you, I wanted to find you and I would have done anything for that but I just need someone else too because I don’t know whether anything I say is right or wrong and there’s no one to correct me either. I need Kyu Jongah, he would have handled this pretty well. I’m sorry Jung Minah I’m just really frustrated” I finish.

            He sighs loudly.

            “Sorry” I apologize again.

            Did I say something wrong again? Why is he silent?

            “Stop apologizing, I get your point” He says after a few seconds.

            “What should I do?” I ask him.

            “I feel so responsible right now” He whispers.

            “No I should be the one feeling that right now. I have to careful with my words”

            “You have to be careful because of me nah so I feel responsible than you. I don’t know what to say Hyung Junah. I don’t know. If you feel like it’s too much then you can go home”

            “Mweo? Yah neo michchaniya?” I shout.

            Go home?  What is wrong with him? How can I leave him?

            “Then how are we going to solve this?” He asks.

            “I have to do that. It’s my problem. Look I’m sorry for saying all that I didn’t mean to hurt you or anything. After a while I’ll get used to this and then it’ll be alright. I just lost my mid and screamed like that. It’s my problem and I’ll get over it” I say.

            “I don’t blame you. I’ll try my best not to get angry over anything okay?”

            “No no you don’t have to try hard. I’ll get over this”

            “No I will. I’ll try, plus I have to improve my tolerance however so having you here will increase the process” He says.

            “So I piss you off that much?” I ask.

            “Well… you always do don’t you?” He gives me a smile.

            “Mmm”

            “And hey I won’t hit you again! How many times do I have to tell you that?” He punches me on my arm.

            “Ah appeo!” I curl my eyebrows and frown at him.

            “Arasso… don’t frown, let’s go home now. I want to call the members” He says rubbing my forehead with his thumb fading away my frown.

            “Gaja” I say standing up. “Wait… is your session over?” I ask.

            “Not completely but before I ran to you the doctor told me to go home with you” He replies.

            “Ah” I nod and walk up to the exit with him.

I dial Hyun Joong hyung’s number from my phone. Manager hyung activated roaming for me before I came here neither I will have to go and find omma for everything. I put on loudspeaker and place the mobile on the table.

            Jung Minah comes and sits next to me. After three rings hyung picks up the call.

            “Hyung Junah?” He snaps the moment he picks.

            “Ah hyung…” Jung Min says before I say a word.

            Hyun Joong hyung goes silent for a second. He takes a deep breath.

            “Jung Minah?” He asks and his tone’s full of hope.

            “Ah hyung…” Jung Minnie tears up.

            “Yah! Genchana? Jung Minah? Neo otte? Genchana? Did Hyung Junah find you? Where are you? Why the hell did you run away?” Hyung floods his questions.

            “Hyung” I snap hinting him to calm down.

            “Jung Minah!” Young Saeng hyung and Kyu Jonggie shouts.

            Hyun Joong hyung must have put on speakerphone.

            “Genchana, genchana” Jung Min says.

            “Where are you? Is everything alright?” Young Saeng hyung asks.

            “All is well hyung don’t worry. I’m alright. I just had a session with my psychiatrist and came home. I went with Hyung Junnie”

            “Arasso.. You aren’t sick or anything right? Hey you aren’t upset that we sent Hyung Junnie over there are you?” Kyu Jongah asks.

            “Aniya… I need him” He smiles at me.

            He’s just trying to lighten up my mood I know. Hyungs keep asking him questions and discussing everything while I space out again. Their voices fade away and I get lost.

            “Hyung Junah?” Jung Min shakes me after a while.

            “Ah?” I widen my eyes.

            “Hyung he keeps spacing out all day. Something is wrong with him. What a nice person you have sent to take care of me!” Jung Minah teases and punches me again.

            I punch him back. “Rascal” I whisper.

            “Hyung how’s everything there? The company still doesn’t know right?” I ask.

            “Nope. Nobody told anyone yet and manager hyung is not in the dorm now so when he comes back we’ll call you again. He definitely wants to talk with you guys I’m sure” Kyu Jongah says.

            “Ah geurae” My stomach growls as I speak.

            Oh yeah! That stupid vending machine didn’t let me eat.

            “Seems like our Junnie is hungry” Jung Minah says and I show him my puppy dog eyes.

            “Why? didn’t he eat?” Hyun Joong hyung asks.

            “He did. He’s hungry again. You know him, the only thing he can’t finish in one go is a huge soup bowl” Jung Minah says.

            “Arasso. We’ll hang up then. We’ll try to figure out some way to come there because it seems like you’ll have to stay there for quite a time eh?” Hyung asks.

            I notice that Jung Min didn’t tell the members about what I did at the hospital. Maybe he wants to keep it to ourselves.

            “Mmm… It’s fine. Don’t tire yourselves. We’ll return soon” Jung Minah replies.

            “Mmm… okay then… Take care of yourself okay Jung Minah?” Hyung says softly.

            “Jung Minah look after that messy kid too. We all know he ain’t going to be the care taker” Young Saeng hyung says laughing.

            “Jung Minah fighting!” Kyubbi snaps and his tone’s so kind and supportive.

            “Bye then…” The phone cuts off after Hyun Joong hyung’s voice.

            Jung Minah sighs and gets up.

            “Odiga?” I ask.

            “To make something for you to eat. My god you eat a ton! Where’s our old Junnie that couldn’t even finish a soup bowl?” He asks pinching my cheeks.

            “He just grew up” I say sighing.

            My words felt so serious and I didn’t even plan it. It was so serious that Jung Minah’s smile faded away.

            “You’ll never grow up for us. You’re still our baby” He says ruffling my hair.

            I make a ‘tsk’ sound.

            “Ah forget it now. What do you want to eat genie?” He asks.

            “Genie?” I ask back.

            “Well genie’s kinda fat so… Ah molla! What do you want to eat?” He smiles.

            “Ah aladdin genie! Hey I’m not that fat!” I raise my eyebrows and pout.

            “Aish jinja! Do you want to fight over how chubby you are or do you want to eat something now?” He grits his teeth but I know he’s not angry.

            “Bahp, bahp!” I say and roll my lips into mouth.

            “Stop acting cute” He makes an evil face and walks towards the kitchen.

            “Wait… where’s that ajhumma?” I ask.

            “She left because you called her a thing!” He shouts across the room.

            “Mweo? Jinja?” I panic in a millisecond.

            “Aniya pabo! She’ll come at night” He chuckles and leaves.