Jung Min asks omma to wait till lunch.

            “Aniyo, I already gave the order for lunch and dinner to the hotel” She says.

            “Where’s the PS3?” I ask from her.

            “It’s in that orange bag”

            “Arasso. Do you want me to drop you?”

            “No, no I can go alone. How’s the care-taker Jung Minah?” She asks.

            “Let’s not go there” He says through a laugh.

            Teasing me again, rascal!

            I walk with omma to the cab. I place a kiss on her forehead and wait till the cab leaves. I didn’t tell her about what happened yesterday. For a moment I felt like I have someone beside me when she came this morning but now I feel like I’m all alone again. Alone in a dark forest which I can’t find a way out. Not that I hate this or dislike the way Jung Min behaves, it’s just I feel like I can’t handle this alone. What if that happens again and I mess up? What if ajhumma won’t be there? What if I mistakenly say something wrong and he gets angry? What if he does something wrong? Wrong like very wrong? Like something he would never forgive himself for? Something like… killing me?

            “Aren’t you coming in?” I immediately step into reality with Jung Min calling behind me.

            “Ah… coming” I say turning around.

            He’s at the apartment building entrance. I walk up to it with a fake smile on my face.

            “Why do you look so terrified?” He asks.

            I startle. What is he; a mind reader?

            “Nothing… let’s go up” I say with a made-up excited tone.

            “Kojinmal” He whispers.

            “Aniyo” I shake my hand.

            “What’s it? What’s wrong?” He asks again with a locked stare on me.

            “Just… I miss hyungdeul” I quickly lie.

            I don’t want to tell him what I was thinking about. That’s way too far and probably it’s just my mindless thoughts. I should come to my senses.

            “Let’s go up” He says taking my hand.

            He accepts the lie; that’s why he took my hand because he thought I’m feeling lonely. To be honest, I am but my main concern right now is not missing hyungdeul Jung Minah… it’s about you… killing… me. I shiver with the words.

            “Jung Minah” I say as soon as we are in the elevator.

            It’s empty.

            “Oh?” He turns his head to my side.

            “What if that happens again?” I ask.

            “That? What?” He asks back.

            “You know… that thing which happened yesterday”

            “Which thing?”

            “Ah I don’t know the name. Just you know that strange war you created, the tantrum kind thing” My voice lowers from word to word.

            “That depends on you” He says slightly smiling from the corner of his lips.

            “But ajhumma said you had it before too. So it depends on her too right?”

            “I was kidding. It happens when I’m too angry. I don’t really remember every tantrum situation I had but once I got angry because ajhumma didn’t make the pasta I asked her to. She made some rice instead but I was so in a mood for pasta and I got very angry and threw a tantrum at her. Little, little things will lead to it, I don’t know when or how” He sighs.

            “What if I won’t be able to handle it alone?”

            “What do you mean?” His tone’s soft.

            “I mean, what if ajhumma won’t be there and I had to handle it alone. What if I mess up? You know as in injecting a wrong place or not injecting at all?”

            “Are you scared that you’ll run away?”

            “No! Definitely not! I’m just saying what if it worsens and…”

            “That I’ll hit you again?”

            “Well… yeah” I don’t let out the actual word I had in mind, instead I go along with his words.

            “Then run away. A person can calm down on his own after a while. You can come back then”

            Run away? What makes him think I’ll run away?

            “I won’t run away” The elevator door opens as I snap the words.

            Three people step in as we get out of the elevator. Jung Min and I quickly look down being careful if anyone recognizes us. I scratch my forehead till the elevator door closes behind us and lift up my head.

            “Then stay and deal with it” Jung Min snaps at me.

            “Ah?”

            “If you won’t run away, then stay and deal with it…simple” He gives me a smile.       

            I blink a few times and nod.

            He opens the door to his apartment and we go in. Ajhumma has already left. Wait… wasn’t she there the first time when I came to find Jung Min? Why does she leave so soon then?

            “Doesn’t ajhumma usually stay until noon?” I ask.

            “She does but I ain’t going to the beach today so she left early”

            “Why aren’t you going to the beach? Isn’t that good for your health”

            “My doctor’s session is at 10:30 today so I have to leave early. No time for morning walks”

            “Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask.

            “Am I supposed to?” He asks back.

            I make a ‘tsk’ sound and shake my head. Why is he acting weird? Tantrum? NO!

            “I forgot pabo! Since your omma came I didn’t remember it. Get ready, we got to leave now” He says slapping my back.

            I frown at him. Ah why make me worry like that? Seriously this guy!

I go in with Jung Min into the doctor’s room. She greets the both of us and asks us to sit down. I notice that the furniture has changed. The couch for us is placed next to the window now and it’s opened, letting in the cool autumn wind. I cross my arms to warm myself.

            Doctor-ssi asks Jung Minah a few questions about his health. His answers seem to have satisfied her. He’s getting better I know.

            “Jung Minah, I need to talk to Hyung Jun-ssi alone for a moment. Can you go and wait outside?” The doctor suddenly says.

            I startle as she mentions my name. Alone? Why?

            “Ah ye, ye” Jung Minnie stands up and leaves giving me a slight smile.

            I take a deep breath as he’s out of the sight. Doctor-ssi stands up and walks up to the door. I curl my eyebrows with confusion. She locks the door and comes back.

            “Hyung Jun-ssi, I have something very important to tell you” She says.

            I nod at her.

            “First I want to show you something” She says and walks up to her desk and picks up her laptop.

            I stay where I am and she comes and sits down next to me placing the laptop on the table in front of us.

            “I know you were there but look at the situation in this angle and tell me what you think” She says opening a video in the laptop.

            I wait for the video to play. It is pitch black at first and then suddenly I hear someone’s screams; more as cursing. As soon as I recognize the voice the visual comes up. It’s Jung Min! It’s a video of him throwing that tantrum at me back at his house yesterday. The video is recorded through a hidden camera I suppose. The angle is from the left corner of his living room, right next to the TV. How come I didn’t notice a camera? And why did she record this? No… wait. Why does she keep a camera in his house in the first place?

            “Why would you record someone else’s house?” I snap at her.

            “It’s important. Watch the video” She says softly.

            I stare at the screen. He’s screaming loudly, ajhumma’s trying to hold him back and he keeps on smashing everything. I’m not in the video yet. He throws the lamp at me. His expression rude as ever. I just stare at him and then ajhumma asks me to bring the syringe. After a while here I am… poking it into his neck. No, I can’t watch anymore. I hide my face and sigh. I don’t want to watch him fall down.

            “Hyung Jun-ssi?” She asks.

            “Close that damn thing!” I scream.

            “Please don’t make a noise, he’ll hear you” She says immediately placing her hand on mine.

            “Why do you want me to watch it?”

            “I want you to see his situation”

            “But I saw it already! I’ve seen the worst part, what else is there for me to see?”

            “Being in the situation and watching it through a video are two different things. When you watch a video you have time to analyze something, you have time and mind to come to a conclusion”

            “And that is?”

            “You have to leave” She says standing up.

            “Mweo?” I stand up immediately behind her.

            “What do you mean?” I add.

            “Don’t you see it? He’s getting worsened day by day!” She whispers.

            “What? I thought he’s getting better?”

            “That’s what we thought too until we saw this”

            But… I thought he was getting better. I mean he even controlled his anger once didn’t he? The tantrum incident was clearly my fault. Jung Min just got really angry. Even a normal person can throw tantrums.

            “This is ridiculous” I shout.

            “Will you please not shout?” She asks politely.

            I say nothing but sit down.

            “He hasn’t done this in a pretty long time. Yes there were a lot of situations like this but not this violent and quick”

            “Quick?” I ask.

            “Yes, he got angry very quickly. The last time this happened, it took him more than a half an hour to get angry like this. He’s not improving at all”

            “It’s been only 2 months maybe for this thing. How can you jump into a sudden conclusion so quickly? I mean psychiatric disorders take time to cure right? So why are you giving up?” My voice breaks with disappointment.

            “I’m asking you to leave Hyung Jun-ssi. This kind of a situation is pretty bad. You don’t know about this disorder. Yes it takes a long time but he’s worsening. Everything we did; treatments and sessions, they are not helping him at all. After seeing this video, I went through every session I had with him. There was only one thing I noticed; that he hasn’t healed at all!” She tears up.

            “Not even a bit?” I whisper.

            She shakes her head. “Usually 2 months can be enough for a person to improve at least 20%. But Jung Min-ssi; nothing! Not even 1%” She says.

            “But I thought he was getting better. I mean you weren’t this worried the last time we came here. If he hasn’t improved for all this time then why didn’t you notice it before?”

            “We waited. We usually wait for our patients so that when looking at the records after a while will help us get into a conclusion rather than always looking at them because then it’ll become a normal thing for us and we won’t notice improvements or downfalls”

            I hide my face again.

            “You have to leave” She says again.           

            “Why?”

            “Because it’s getting worsened and it’s not safe for you to stay around him”

            “But he’s my friend”

            “Friends don’t matter in these kinds of situations for the patient. He hit you didn’t he? He’ll do it again! And next time I don’t think it’ll be a table lamp”

            “What is he gonna kill me or something?” I ask in a funny tone but inside my mind the questions is coming out pretty seriously.

            “Maybe”

            “He can’t kill me” I try to fight back my doubts.

            “How can you be so sure?”

            “I’ve known him for years now!”

            “I told you friendships don’t actually matter for the patients in these situations. All they care about is what they can destroy to get revenge or to simply get over the raging feeling. You really can’t expect a patient to be soft with you in these kinds of moments”

            “But I can’t leave him” My tears start streaming down unknowingly.

            I don’t want to leave. I want to stay beside him. I don’t care what he will do. I don’t care whether he kills me or not. I’ll stay; not because I have to but because I want to. He needs me. If I suddenly leave he’ll become vulnerable. He might feel sad and broken. I don’t want him to feel that. This is the time he needs me and I’m not supposed to leave him alone. I don’t want to, no never.

            “Please understand the situation. We don’t want accidents. If something happens I don’t think I’ll have fair answers for anything. And also I don’t think you’d like if everyone starts blaming Jung Min-ssi” She says in a soothing tone.

            I sigh heavily and wipe away my tears.

            Blame him? Will people really blame him? She’s right, I don’t want that. I don’t want anyone to say anything to him. But I don’t want to leave either. I want to stay next to him in this and give him strength to carry on. He believes that he’s getting better, but in reality he isn’t. He doesn’t know it, he won’t either. I won’t tell him, ever.

            If everything gets worsened more and more, will I really have to leave? Won’t I be able to stay with him in this till the end? Won’t I be able to help him through everything? Should I choose the easy way or the hard way? Should I turn into another Park Jung Min and act stubborn or should I become a Kim Kyu Jong here? What’s my choice here?

            No, do I have a choice here?