It’s bright outside as I wake up. My eyes hurt from all the stress. I struggle with the bright light and after a few seconds I see hyungs getting ready. I can barely open my eyes or even find my voice.

            “What are you doing?” I ask Kyu Jong who’s putting on his shoes.

            “We are going to the police. You want to come?”

            “Of course I do” My voice echoes around the room.

            How can I not go?  I want to be there. I want to tell them, no I want to plead them to find him in any way they can.

            “Well get ready then, *palli!”

            I run to the washroom in a second and start brushing my teeth like a machine. I think it took only half a minute for me to finish brushing my teeth. I’m still wearing the same jean and the shirt I was wearing yesterday. I don’t waste time to change my clothes since hyungs are already dressed and they might get late because of me.

            As I come out, manager hyung is already here. I feel so much better after seeing him because I know member hyungs aren’t feeling so pressured inside now. His presence suddenly makes me feel sad just as when you see someone close to you at a funeral. All you want to do is hug that person tightly and cry as much as you want. But I can’t cry, I got to keep myself strong. He gives me a warm smile but I can hardly bring myself together to smile back. I blink a several times to hide my tears and in a blink manager gives me a hug and I burst out crying. He pats me on my back comforting me.

            “Hyung Junah, *Ga Ja” Leader messes up my hair.

            I wipe my tears and stand on my own as manager lets me go. Leader takes my hand and we all head out from the dorm.

My hands tremble as we park in front of the police station. I’m nervous and I don’t know why: maybe because I have to report about my best friend’s disappear or maybe because I don’t want to accept the fact that he’s not here. I should have said no to Young Seangah when he asked whether I want to go or not. I regret my decision because I don’t have the courage inside me to report our own member’s disappear. I really shouldn’t have come here. Where on earth can anyone find a *pabo than me?

     “Hey?” Someone shakes me on my shoulder and I immediately step into the real world from my thoughts.

     It’s Kyu Jongah.

     “You sure you wanna do this?” I nod at his question and we both get out of the van.

     “Tell them everything you know okay? Don’t hide anything thinking this might be too personal or secretive within the band alright?” Manager hyung orders and we all nod.

     As we step into the police station most of the officers’ eyebrows fly high. I see wide smiles on some young female officers as they notice us. For the first time I feel uncomfortable trapped in a building with fans. I don’t feel burdened but surprisingly I don’t feel excited, I don’t get that feeling which I usually get when I see a fan at somewhere. I give neither of them that “Yeah we are SS501” look I give usually with a huge smile.

     Idly I notice a female officer who’s tilting her head while frowning like she has noticed something isn’t right. Her eyes are searching for something within us. I think she must be the first one to notice that Jung Min is the only one who’s not here. As I stare at her with my worn out eyes she stand up and starts pacing towards us.

     “*Annyeounghaseyo” She greets us with a fake smile.

     “Ah Annyeounghaseyo” Manager stands in front of me greeting her as I slowly step back.

     I know I’m not capable enough to explain any reason why we’re here. The best thing for me to do is step back and watch.

     “How can I help you?” She politely asks leading us to her desk.

     “We want to file a report on a missing person of the band” Manager replies.

     “*Ye. If you could just go to that counter then you can file the report over there” She says pointing out a counter with a male police officer to us.

     We all pace towards the counter as I ignore every face that’s staring at us or giving us hug smiles. I feel sorry and regretful at my actions but right now I really don’t have the mood to smile at anyone.

     “Annyeounghaseyo” Manager greets the officer at the counter.

     “Annyeounghaseyo. How can I help you?” The officer gives manager a warm smile.

     It takes him a second to recognize the four of us and his eyes widen.

     “Oh, *Oh Gong il?” he suddenly snaps.

     “Ye, ye.” Leader replies.

     “How can I help you?” He asks once again.

     “We want to file a report on a missing person” Manager hyung replies.

     “Ye” He says while arranging some papers with a pen.

     “Can I know the name of the person that’s gone missing?” He adds.

     “Park Jung Min; the second youngest member of oh gong il”

     “Ah *jeongmalyo?” The officer surprises.

     “Ye”

     “How long has he been gone missing?”

     “About two days now, we aren’t sure about the hours though” Leader jumps in.

     Manager hyung paces backwards letting leader do the talk.

     “Can you please fill in these boxes about the missing person’s biography?” The officer asks leader and he starts filling them in.

     I slowly pace forward passing manager hyung and peek at the form leader’s filling. The spaces in the form are asking for Jung Minah’s information such as his age, birth date and etc… I notice leader’s fingers tremble as he fills in the spaces. His handwriting seems different and shaky. I pace backward once again as soon as he’s done.

     “*Kamsahnmida, can you please give me a photo of him?” The officer asks leader.

     Manager hands him a photo of Jung Min which was taken some months back during a concert. An electric thrill runs through me seeing his smiling face because I know right now he ain’t smiling at all. I pace backwards letting the photo disappear from my sight.

     Manager and members discuss some other things with the officer while Kyu Jongah comes and sits next to me.

     “What’s going on?” I wake up my voice.

     “They said they’ll assign a team immediately to search for him and also a detective to take our statements”

     “Statements? Which statements?”

     “I don’t know maybe things like why we think he’s gone missing or what are the reasons we know regarding his disappearance”

     Oh boy…

     “We all have to give statements?” I ask from Kyu Jongah and he nods.

     I don’t want to give any statement! I don’t want to even talk about it. My hands tremble once again and I tighten my jaw lines to gain strength.

     A middle-aged man with a full suit appears out of nowhere and starts talking to our manager. He might be the detective I guess. His eyes looked brightened up seeing our members but it fades after a while as he continue to talk to our manager.

     “Kids, come” Manager calls us and we both pace towards them.

     The middle-aged detective doesn’t look that young as I get to see him closely. His suit looks like it’s a designer wear and his badge says ‘Detective Sergeant Lee YuhJoon’. My guess was right, he is the detective.

     “Annyeounghaseyo, I’m Lee YuhJoon, and I’m the assigned detective sergeant for the case of your band member’s disappearance” He gives us a basic introduction.

     “Annyeounghaseyo” We both greet him back with a hello with nothing else.

     “Can you come this way please?” The sergeant holds out his hand into a hallway and we all start walking towards it.

     At the end of the hallway we arrive into a room. From what I have seen from TV series and movies it looks similar to a questioning room. The walls are white and there’s only one desk and two chairs facing each other in the middle of the room. There are two CCTV cameras at the corners of the room place near the ceiling. The detective goes in first.

     “I would like to get a statement from the manager first” He says.

     As the manager goes in the door closes and we all wait outside on the hallway benches.

I patiently wait for my turn to come for the questioning. I feel like I’ve done some crime because I’ve never in my life have stepped into a questioning room. I prepare myself for the situation. What should I say? Should I say that he has been acting weird and been very fierce with the members and all those things? Or should I just say he went missing just like that? I don’t know maybe I should ask leader what he said.

     “Hyung, what do we have to say?”

     “He asks whether we have any suspicions about his disappearance. Just tell everything that you know so that it’ll be easier for them to find him okay?” Leader replies.

     I nod at him. Kyu Jongah comes out from the room and finally it’s my turn.

     I feel uneasy and very uncomfortable as I step into the room. The detective is waiting for me on a one chair and I slowly place myself on the other. He slides a paper cup of water to my side and I take a sip. My mouth was dry all this time and I feel thankful at him.

     “You’re the maknae of the group right?” He starts and I clear my throat.

     “Ye” My mouth immediately reply without me even knowing.

     “Kim Hyung Jun, 23 years old and by the information I have gathered up until now, you’re considered as the closest member of Park Jung Min-ssi* right?”

     “Ye, ye”

     “So Kim Hyung Jun-ssi my first question for you is that did you have any suspicions about Jung Min-ssi such as something wasn’t right about him?”

     “*Geurom!” I immediately reply.

“I asked you that because most of your members told me that he was very different in the past few months and that he was very fierce against the members also. So do you have any thoughts on why Jung Min-ssi was acting like that?”

     “I’m not very sure about that”

     “Your members said that you and Jung Min-ssi shared a love-hate relationship with each other. That’s the exact phrase they said. Can you tell me some more information regarding that please?”

     “Ah, it’s because we always fight with each other and often treat us both in impolite ways”

     “You don’t sound serious about it. Wasn’t it a serious situation or-?”

     “*Ani!” I immediately cut him off.

     “Then?”

     “We both did that just for fun. Since we are the youngest members of the band, we had a very close bond than the hyungs so we acted very impolite with each other but that was only for fun not for any serious matter” I blabber so fast.

     How can he think for even a second that we fought for real? *Aish *jinja!

     “Oh alright. I thought maybe something between you two led him to disappear like this”

     “Are you suspecting me?” I snap.

     His eyes widen and he gives me a puzzled look. I don’t know why I said that but for a moment I got the feeling that he’s suspecting me for his disappearance. I got nothing to do with it. Not that I’m trying to isolate Jung Minah but seriously I will never do such a thing like that, never!

     “Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t mean something like that. I just said what I thought. *Joesonghabnida if I was offensive” He suddenly apologizes.

     “No no, it’s ok. Joesonghabnida if I was too straight forward. Please continue”

     “Geurom my next question is that do you have any thoughts about his sudden changed behaviour and his disappearance is linked in some way?”

     “I have a little doubt on that, yeah”

     “Could you please explain?”  

    “When he started acting very differently I really didn’t much notice it but when it got worse I really thought that there will be a day that he might withdraw himself from the band. I tried talking to him about the situation but he was too furious about everything”

     I take another sip of water and wet my lips.

     “Your manager said that band’s new album’s progress has been very worse in the past few months due to Jung Min-ssi’s behaviour and now that it’s in a pause. Was there any problems in the recordings or making of the videos or anything that bugged your fellow member?” His expression’s dark.

     “There was nothing bugging him as far as I know”

     “Do you think that his sudden disappearance was caused due to the weak progress of the album?”

     “What do you mean?” I didn’t follow his question properly.

     “I meant that it must have been obvious that Jung Min-ssi knew that the album progression was weak due to his behaviour so he might have disappeared due to that?”

     “You mean like for the album’s good progression he disappeared?”

     “Ye”

     What nonsense!

     “He’s not a person who runs away from problems YuhJoon-ssi” I give a cold response.

     “Ah” He goes through the next few questions with his eyes and turn to the next page.

     Maybe all the other questions were follow-up ones for the question he asked from me. Leader told me to tell the truth and so I did.

     “Do you happen to know any other reason for him to disappear, a personal reason like an enemy problem or loan sharks or something?”

     “What makes you think that Jung Min has to borrow money from someone?” There goes my next cold response.

     I should control myself.

     “Geurom, we’ll contact you for the next session later. Kamsahmnida” He gives me a cold goodbye and I walk out saying nothing but a slight bow at him.

     I close the door loudly behind me and step into the hallway. I don’t know why I’m this annoyed at the detective’s questions. He must have underestimated Jung Minah very much or maybe I overreacted.

     “How did it go?” Kyu Jongah jumps to my side.

     “Not bad. He thinks Jung Minah is some poor chap who doesn’t have money so that he’s hiding from his loan sharks. That was ing ridiculous hyung” I curse.

     “He asked that from us too. What did you say?”

     “I asked him what makes you think that”

     Kyu Jong pats me on the back since he knows that I’m pissed. Manager leads us through the hallway to the same counter we filed the report.

     “We’ll contact you when we need to take the next statements if needed. We’ll do our best to find him” The officer comforts us.

     We all thank him and head out from the police station.

     Surprisingly I feel less pressured now, maybe because I was cold at the detective. I really want to scream at someone right now and let out all my anger. Yes, my anger! I’m angry, I’m so angry because Jung Minah has done something like this. I want him to be here, right here in front of me. I want his bright smile that lightens up everyone’s mood every day. I don’t feel comfortable at anywhere without him. He was right: ‘He’s the driving force of SS501’. I miss his jokes, I miss his laughter and I miss his silly fights with me. Every time I see him all I want to do is fight with him or and nothing else. And I know it’s not a good thing to do and people see it in a wrong way too.

     But right now, I would do anything; I would give anything just to fight with him once again, once again.