Nearly two weeks had passed since Youngjae had tried to drown himself. Two weeks since Daehyun had pulled him out of the tub, two weeks since Youngjae had decided to start working towards a better outlook on his life and each and every day was still an uphill battle for him. And Youngjae was trying, he really was.

Just as Daehyun had promised, he rarely left the younger’s side. Only three days after the instance, Zelo and Jongup had helped him and Youngjae move into one of the larger bedrooms upstairs. Their clothes were mixed together in the closet and everything they owned was scattered about and it was hard to see where one began and the other ended.

Every night, they would toss the fancy throw pillows off of the bed and into a nice pile on the floor before climbing onto the soft mattress, and Daehyun would hold Youngjae close in the middle of the bed, humming a gentle tune as he stayed awake until Youngjae had fallen asleep.

It was never perfect, Youngjae still awoke with nightmares. Screams would die on his lips and he would jerk awake and never remember where he was until Daehyun would calm him down, sooth the racing of his heart and hold him close again. Some nights, Youngjae wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep, the fear and memories to fresh in his mind and the pain haunting him every time he closed his eyes, but Daehyun was always there.

He would prop up against the headboard and hold Youngjae against his chest, rubbing his back as he let the younger cry until no more tears would fall, until he was so far past exhaustion he would merely pass out.

Despite the imperfect nights of little to no sleep, Youngjae would still get up try his best as socializing. He and Daehyun would have breakfast with the others and he’d try his best at smiling and joking and just talking with them. Sometimes he’d hang out with Jongup afterwards and try to play the slew of video games with him just as he used to.

Other times when he didn’t feel like doing that, he’d go into the kitchen with Himchan and help him cook lunch or whatever the elder really felt like doing in there with the whole kitchen at his fingertips.

Still, sometimes even Himchan was too much for him and Youngjae would retreat to JB’s place of residence inside the big house and sit with his friend while he poured over medical text books and used the free time from his busy work schedule to start up classes again to further his degree.

But Youngjae could only handle so much medical knowledge before his stomach felt like it was in knots again, so, sometimes he skipped over hanging out with JB to go to P.O instead. P.O would try to get him to open up and talk about anything really and Youngjae tried, honestly, he tried a lot.

Which is why when he didn’t feel like talking himself, he’d go to Zelo, because he knew the youngest would do all of the talking for him. He’d be able to sit there and listen to the soft lull of his voice and it wouldn’t matter if he answered or not, because Zelo understood.

But even then, sometimes, Youngjae couldn’t find the peace he wanted. That’s why he often found himself falling back onto his favorite time consuming thing thus far.

And today, he knew exactly what it was that he needed before moving through any of the possible options. After breakfast he had avoided practically everyone until he was sure that he could move in without having the special time that he cut out in the day interrupted.

Youngjae carefully picked through the extensive collection in the living room, browsing the shelves for the perfect title before he pulled the box from its spot and headed to one room in particular.

No matter how softly he knocked, the elder would always answer, “C’mon in…”

Youngjae pushed the door open, “Hyung…”

Yongguk glanced at his watch, smiling gently. It was time already? He stood up and stretched his arms above his head, walking over to where Youngjae stood awkwardly in his doorway, his head ducked down as he clasped the movie in his fingers. “C’mon Jae… you set up the movie, I’ll go get the popcorn…”

Youngjae smiled just a fraction as Yongguk ruffled his hair and moved passed him to go to the kitchen. Youngjae headed off quickly to the small theater room that was in the back of the house. This was where things were the most comfortable, the chairs were softer and the atmosphere felt… cleaner. Youngjae didn’t know how to explain it. Still, he popped in the DVD and sat back on the couch that he and Yongguk always sat on and waited.

He was still sitting quietly when Yongguk returned with a large bowl of popcorn and two sodas and flopped into the seat next to Youngjae. He grabbed the remote and dimmed the lights as the previews began to play through and he made himself comfortable.

OF course, Yongguk rarely watched any of the movies that Youngjae picked (not that he didn’t like them, because, Youngjae was always careful to pick some sort of war type movie that Yongguk actually really enjoyed), but rather, Yongguk was too busy watching Youngjae.

The younger would almost always relax almost as soon as they were alone in the theater room and he’d usually make himself comfortable in the soft cushions, and usually not fifteen minutes into the movie, Youngjae would always be asleep.

Today, however, Yongguk found himself watching Youngjae as he remained curled up and tense as he stared at the movie screen without really seeing. After another ten minutes, Yongguk finally let out a heavy sigh and reached over to grab to remote. He paused the movie, and it took Youngjae few minutes to blink into awareness and look over at him.

“Tell me what’s on your mind, Youngjae…  usually you’d be asleep by now…”

Youngjae pouted out his lips, sighing heavily. “How is it, even now, I’m still an open book to you?”

Yongguk shrugged, grabbing the popcorn bowl and setting it off to the side so he could scoot over a bit and wrap his arm over Youngjae’s shoulders, “Cause, that’s what I’m here for… now c’mon… what’s eating at you…”

Youngjae remained curled up, but leaned against Yongguk a little as he stared at the floor, “I… I uhm, had… another nightmare last night…”

Yongguk blinked in surprise, “Daehyun said that you weren’t having those as often anymore…”

“I-I wasn’t… I mean… I’m not… it wasn’t one of those nightmares, hyung…”

“Youngjae…”

Youngjae bit his lip, ducking his head down a bit as he tried to escape Yongguk’s gaze. “I… I was drowning again, hyung… and… I couldn’t breathe… but… I wanted to get out… I wanted to live… and… D-Daehyun was there… and… he reached into the water…”

“He helped pull you out?”

“N-No… he held me under…”

Yongguk blinked in surprise, “Youngjae… Have you talked with Daehyun about this?”

Youngjae shook his head, “N-Not yet… I-I… don’t want to…”

There was a small sigh, and Yongguk hugged Youngjae a bit tighter, “Do you plan on talking to him about the nightmare.”

“N-No… I… I don’t want to worry him…”

“Youngjae… You obviously don’t have to follow my advice, but I think you need to talk to him… he’ll worry more if you don’t tell him.” Yongguk rubbed Youngjae’s back gently, “He’ll understand, okay…”

Youngjae let out a heavy sigh, nodded his head slowly, “Y-Your right, hyung… I need to talk to him… thank you…”

“Any time, Youngjae… I’m always here…”

After his talk with Yongguk, Youngjae left him to finish the movie and wandered through the large house in search of Daehyun. He tried several rooms, pushing each door open and finding the room within either empty or occupied by the wrong person.

Youngjae was about to give up and just forget about talking to Daehyun when he spotted Jongup walking towards him.

“Hyung… are you looking for Dae hyung?”

Youngjae nodded, “I looked everywhere, even in the kitchen, but he wasn’t even there—“

“He’s out on the roof…”

“I went to check out room too—the roof? Why would he be out there?”

Jongup smiled, shrugged, “He says he thinks better out there… anyways, go back up stairs, it’s the last room on the right… He’ll have probably left the window open.”

Youngjae nodded, following the directions Jongup had given him. He soon found himself climbing carefully out of the window. “Dae… are you up here?”

“Youngjae?” Daehyun sat up from where he had been laying out on his blanket once more. “What are you doing up here…”

“I was looking for you…. Uppie told me how to find you…”

“Nobody else followed you right?”

Youngjae shook his head, “No, just me… why?

“C-cause… I’m not supposed to be up here according to Yongguk…” Daehyun said, smiling softly. He scooted over a bit and patted the blanket for Youngjae to join him. “What brings you to hunting me out though… I thought you and hyung were watching a movie?”

Youngjae sat down carefully, wrapping his arms around his legs as he stared out at the landscape surrounding him. “We were… just…” Youngjae let out a gust of air, “I…” he shook his head, “I wanted to talk to you…”

Daehyun propped himself up on his palms, watching Youngjae with curiosity, he picked up on the way that the younger kept his eyes focused out on the horizon. “Jae… if it’s too hard to talk about, you don’t have to… okay? I’ll be here whenever you are ready.”

“I had a night mare last night.”

The elder sat up a bit straighter in surprise, “Jae, babe, why didn’t you wake me up then… I wouldn’t have minded—“

“I was drowning again.”

Daehyun stopped, his eyes staring widely at Youngjae. After all of the time they had spent together, Daehyun had managed to get Youngjae to open up about a few things. He’d learned more about what all Hyunseung had done in the time that he kept Youngjae captive, and he learned more about what had exactly happened each time Youngjae had been exposed to the anti-psychotic.

The only subject that they had never touched was Youngjae’s attempted suicide. The topic was clearly to real, to new… to emotional for them to even try to voice so silently they had come to an agreement until the time arose to talk about it, then they would just move on from it.

Daehyun knew that it was beyond hard for Youngjae to talk about it, so silently, he took his hand to offer support and try to urge him on.

Youngjae gripped his hand back, lacing their fingers together. “T-The water… I-it hurt and I c-couldn’t breathe… I-I was t-trying Daehyun, I was trying t-to get out, but you kept holding me under. E-Every time I b-broke the surface y-you smiled and p-pushed me back under!”

Daehyun felt his heart skip a beat as he realized now why Youngjae hadn’t woke him up for this particular nightmare as he would do every other night. He let out a gusty sigh, reaching up slowly with his free hand and gently wiping away the tears. “Hey… Youngjae… Jae… baby… Look at me please…”

Youngjae closed his eyes for a minute, trying to calm his breathing before finally looking back up to Daehyun.

“Thank you for telling me… I… I’m sorry that you had to relive that in your dreams…” He whispered, gently rubbing his fingers along Youngjae’s cheeks. He sighed, “I didn’t know you were still having dreams about that… but… never be afraid to tell me anything, okay…” He leaned forward, kissing Youngjae’s forehead, “Maybe I was just being a fatty and laying on you again while we were asleep and you just made connections in your sleep…”

Youngjae gave a shaky laugh, reaching up and rubbing away any of the tears that might have tried to fall. “You do have a habit of laying on me…”

Daehyun shrugged, gently pinching Youngjae’s cheek, “That’s cause your squishy, it’s nice…”

Youngjae pouted, “I am not…” He said.

Daehyun laughed, quickly pushing Youngjae back as he climbed on top of him. His fingers poked gently into Youngjae’s sides, “Oh yeah?” he asked, grinning as Youngjae had begun to laugh, squirming beneath him.

“Babo~ Stop, we are on a roof!” Youngjae said, reaching up and smacking Daehyun’s shoulder in lieu of trying to shove him off. Youngjae really didn’t want Daehyun to fall off the high roof.

Daehyun grinned, putting his hands on either side of Youngjae, dipping down and kissing him. “I love you…” He whispered against Youngjae’s still up turned lips, “Nothing you can say or do will ever change that. I’ll always be here for you.” He smiled gently as he watched a pretty blush settle into Youngjae’s cheeks.

“I love you too, babo. Now off!”

Daehyun rolled over, flinging his arm back over Youngjae as he lay down on the blanket with him. Sometimes Daehyun forgot just how much had happened to Youngjae and he forgot how close to the breaking point the younger had reached. But it was moments like these, when Youngjae would open himself up and let his vulnerability show and place his trust within Daehyun’s fingers that Daehyun remember just how hard Youngjae was trying.

He didn’t have to force himself to smile anymore, and laughter seemed to come easier. Daehyun knew there would be minor setbacks as they progressed but, with every step back, the two they took forward warmed Daehyun’s core and he found he couldn’t be happier.

So long as Youngjae was trying, Daehyun would always be right there beside him. And even then, if Youngjae ever felt like he should give up or things became too hard for him, Daehyun knew he’d instead be right behind him, to catch him before he fell and pick him back up.

They stayed on the roof until Youngjae had begun complaining about feeling like he was getting a sunburn, so with jokes about how Youngjae could use the sun, Daehyun folded up the blanket before easing across the slope of the roof and helping Youngjae climb safely back into the window before he joined him. He tossed the blanket to the side as he always did before turning and shutting the window and following Youngjae out of the room.

“It’s almost dinner time… we should probably go to the dining room… Himchan hyung is probably waiting for us…”

Daehyun pursed his lips, “Yeah… I guess so….” He said, taking Youngjae’s hand as they walked together. Dinner was a quite affair, aside from the small talk as everyone just spoke about their days. Daehyun made sure to sit on Youngjae’s left side so that he could hold his hand as they ate.

It was Zelo’s turn to clear away the dishes and JB’s turn to clean them, so as soon as dinner was done, Youngjae and Daehyun headed back upstairs to their room to turn in early.

The cycle repeated, and for another week, Daehyun and Youngjae kept to themselves within the large house in between the times of Youngjae still working on being more social with everyone else. Just as always, right after dinner, the two would find themselves once more alone in their room, clearing away the bed to get ready for the night.

Youngjae glanced up through his fringe at Daehyun as they both worked on tossing the fancy pillows off the bed, “Why do we always put these things back in the morning?” He complained as he tossed another decorative pillow to the pile.

“Because Jongup says we can’t leave them on the floor.”

“Ulgh… it’s annoying.” Youngjae grumbled, grabbing the edge of the blanket just as Daehyun did and together they fluffed it up into the air, letting it settle back down to the bed so that none of the corners were tucked in.

Daehyun smiled, “Alright, since that is all done, I’m going to go ahead and jump in the shower…” He said, turning and heading towards the bathroom.

Youngjae sat down on his side of the bed as he watched Daehyun retreat into the bathroom, the door shutting softly behind him before he could hear the sounds of the water beginning to run. Youngjae pursed his lips, flopping back onto the bed. Any minute now, Daehyun would turn on the shower and step under its spray. He may even start singing again, he usually did now a days.

Youngjae couldn’t help but feel a longing pull at his chest and he sat back up, picking at the edges of his shirt as he chewed at his bottom lip.

It’d been so long now… and JB had said that he was healed up and the remaining damage was minimum. Still, something held him back and he knew exactly what it was.

Youngjae could feel the fear clutching at his heart, the dark whispers that Daehyun would somehow break it off with him once he saw, that Daehyun wouldn’t want him anymore.

He took a deep breath suddenly, getting up off the bed. There was no more room left in his head for those kinds of thoughts, Youngjae reminded himself as he crossed the room. He wasn’t going to give in to those feelings, he thought to himself as he turned the door knob and slipped into the room. He was thankful that the fog had already set over the mirror in their bathroom, because as determined as Youngjae wanted to be, his confidence plummeted as he slowly approached the shower curtain.

“Hey… Dae…”

“Whoa, yeah, Jae? I didn’t even hear you come in… God you are so quite sometimes…”

“… Let’s save water, okay?”

It was silent for a few minutes, and Youngjae held his breath.

He let out a tiny sigh of relief as Daehyun’s fingers curled around the edge of the shower curtain and he pulled it back just a bit, “Well, c’mon then, the waters not getting any warmer!”

Youngjae was careful to strip down taking deep breaths to keep himself calm the whole time before he climbed into the bath with Daehyun.

Daehyun was quick to swap places with Youngjae the second that he’d stepped into the shower and got the younger beneath the spray of water as he ran his fingers through Youngjae’s hair, keeping the dampening locks off of his face as he smiled at Youngjae, “What made you decide to save water today?”

Youngjae pouted, looking at Daehyun as he continued to pushed the water logged strands from his face, “I… actually really don’t like showering alone anymore…”

Daehyun smiled, “It’s okay, neither do I…”

Youngjae managed to keep himself calm the whole time he washed up with Daehyun, the two even managing to play around and splash the slowly cooling water at each other as they took their time washing each other’s hair.

“Here, turn around, I’ll wash your back for you…”

With just the simple sentence, Youngjae froze up, his eyes a bit wide as the thoughts hit him full force and he felt beyond dizzy. Daehyun seemed to understand, as he didn’t ask questions. Instead, he gently turned Youngjae around himself. Youngjae tried not to stand to tensely as he closed his eyes to will away the nausea as he was sure Daehyun could see everything now.

Youngjae had been so careful as he healed never to change around anybody, and if someone happened to catch him in the middle of pulling on a shirt, Youngjae would always face them, keeping his back hidden.

Nobody except for JB, aside from Daehyun and Himchan on the day that they had found him, had seen the expanse of skin on his back. He kept the extensive scars and deep bruising that JB had warned him might not go away for a few years hidden away beneath his clothes. He ducked his head down as he felt Daehyun’s fingertips lightly touch his shoulder blades, mapping the letters and leaving a fiery wake along Youngjae’s skin as he inhaled sharply.

“Does it still hurt?”

Youngjae shook his head slowly. “JB said he might have damaged some nerves…”

“What about the bruising…? I…It’s really dark still…”

Youngjae kept his eyes closed, trying not to shiver as Daehyun’s fingers left the scars and traced the darkest of bruises that extended from the side of his ribcage to his back. “J-JB said they might not ever completely go away…”

Youngjae let out a slow exhale as Daehyun wrapped his arms around him, pulling him back slowly. The first kiss was at the side of his neck, and Youngjae couldn’t help but turn his head a bit in response as he kept his eyes closed. Daehyun left a trail of butterfly kisses along his skin, his lips replacing the fiery burn along the scars with something much more soothing as Youngjae slowly felt like he was becoming putty in Daehyun’s hands.

“I love you, Youngjae.”

Youngjae took a deep breath as Daehyun whispered against his skin, his hot breath sending a wave of goose bumps across his skin.

He turned quickly in Daehyun’s hold, wrapping his arms around Daehyun’s neck as he pulled him close, “I love you too.” He whispered in turn, kissing Daehyun deeply. He stumbled forward a bit as Daehyun leaned back, his hand reaching for something. It wasn’t until the water stopped pounding around them that Youngjae realized that Daehyun had shut off the tap.

The shower curtain fell open, and they stumbled out onto the soft mat on the floor right outside of the tub. Daehyun’s hands were slow to make their way into Youngjae’s hair, gently gripping at the damp black locks as he tasted Youngjae in his mouth and traced his teeth with his tongue.

The two stumbled from the bathroom, there wet feet slipping on the tiled floor as they left the bathroom in a haste and went into the bed room.

Daehyun was rather gentle as he pulled Youngjae down onto the bed swinging his leg over his lap as he settled on top of him.

“Jae…”

Youngjae blinked up at Daehyun, his lips parted as he breathed heavily, “Y-Yeah…” it was quiet for a moment, and Youngjae almost shivered in the cold air had it not been for Daehyun’s warm body on his, their skin pressed against one another. He could feel the slow moving drops of water rolling across his skin from where they hadn’t even bothered to dry off before climbing into bed, and every few seconds a drop would plummet from Daehyun’s hair and splash down onto him.

“You sure you’re okay with this… I mean… i-if you don’t want to—“

“Dae… I’m sure…” Youngjae whispered back. Just as he was getting ready to arch up to give Daehyun a reassuring kiss, Daehyun quickly flipped their position. Youngjae balanced himself over the elder as his still wet hair clung to his forehead. “Dae, why’d you—“

“Well, I seem to remember the first time we did this…” Daehyun whispered back, bringing his arms up to wrap around Youngjae’s neck and pull him down lower, “I clearly remember a promise that if I asked you if you were sure one more time, I’d be topped…” He smirked as Youngjae blinked in surprise, a smile slowly forming on his lips.

“Well, you know I’m not going to complain.” He said, closing the last little bits of space and kissing Daehyun.

“Hey! Me and JB are going to go stay at Yukwon’s place for the night…” P.O said as he passed by the living room where Yongguk and Himchan were at.

Himchan looked up from his book in surprise, “What? Why?” he asked.

P.O grinned, “Well, as much as I’d like to say that it’s because I wanna hang out with those two…  It’s either invade their space, or listen to what’s going on upstairs…”

Yongguk sat up a bit straighter, “What’s going on upstairs?” he asked, making to get up and check it out.

Quickly, both P.O and JB held up their hands, “Whoa! No, you don’t want to do that!” JB said quickly.

“Yeah, just take our word for it okay…”

Himchan narrowed his eyes, “What is going on up there?”

JB blushed darkly as he stared at his feet and P.O shrugged, “Daehyun hyung is really loud. I don’t want to think anything past that, kay, bye!!”

Yongguk turned to Himchan, raising an eyebrow in question as P.O and JB scurried out of the house. “You don’t think they are—“

Himchan shook his head quickly, pressing his palms over his ears, “Oh my god, I don’t want to hear about our babies doing that again, okay!! Keep Jongup and Zelo in the theater room… make them turn up the volume, oh my god, they are going to corrupt everyone!” Himchan said, hopping up from the sofa as he rushed off down the hall to make sure Jongup and Zelo were still playing their video games and their innocence was intact.

Ta-dah... bleh. Okay, This chapter wasn't my favorite after the past few, but, meh. It was important. i have one more chapter to go until the epilogue, and then.... we're done...

it's probably why I sat on this chapter for so long,b ecause... i'm not ready to say goodbye yet... Also, yes. DaeJae had , no I didn't want to write it out becuase it wasn't the that was important but the fact that they were doing it again ((because chapter 40 wasn't the only time they had ... it was just really hard to slip into this story, so... i kinda glossed over it, i'm sure they had quite alot... which is probably why Himchan was so agaisnt them sharing a room... they get it on like little bunnies))... and Yes. Youngjae topped Dae. ((Daehyun actually planned for it... because, it puts Youngjae in a position of power, gives him back some control, and even if its just control over Daehyun in that sense, Dae hoped it'd build up Youngjae's confidence some more and sort of prove that Daehyun really is going to be there for him, in any way he needs him to be))

Anyways, a few things before i leave this chapter alone, I have told many of you that I am starting a new chaptered fic right after I finish ACR, and it's true... I have the foreward up now, but I will not update it untill I finish ACR. I'm thinking about starting it come the first of the new year, because... 2013 has been ACRs year... you know? But, I digress, here is the link:

Kingdoms Come and Castles Fall

I'm really excited for it, haha.

Uhhmmm... other then that, I've been using my writing tumblr more often, haha... so.. there's that... Okay, this is getting long and I'm getting tired, omg... 

Cuddles,

Lynn