“So... I'm gonna write down what I'm scared of?”

“Yes.” Jonghyun had given me a pencil and a little notebook and was now sitting in front of me at SM:s café. “Because how could I make you not scared if I don't know what you are scared of?”

I actually didn't remember that well that I had told him I was scared the other night. What I really remembered clear of that night was me forcing myself to eat my food because I didn't dare to throw it away despite I was feeling nauseous and full and then cleaning the whole kitchen to be finished and managing to get some sleep at one at night on the couch.

But I hadn't told Jonghyun about those details. So now when I sat with the little book in front of me I didn't know what to write because I couldn't write my fiance.

“Listen,” he said when I didn't write. He placed his hand on the page and started tracing it with his slightly tanned fingers. “Write one thing you are scared of on every side. When I managed the first thing we can move on to the next. I promise I wont peak ahead.”

He gave me a “Is that OK?” look.

I sighted, feeling kind of dull from yesterday. If it wasn't because he had said I wasn't his type I would never do this because in my world this was crossing the friendarea far, you didn't care this way if you were just friends. “Yea,” I said tiredly. “Sure.”

“I leave you alone with this. I'm going to leave town for a week, were going to Thailand for a concert, so you have plenty of time to think. But when I come home we'll start on this.”

“Ok,” I said and smiled at him, happy that he was my friend. He smiled back.

“You should smile more. It suits you.” He said. He got up to go away when he suddenly seemed to remember something.

“Oh,” he said. He bent down next to the notebook and started writing a number in it. “If you got lonely,” he said. He left me leaving his phone number.

I took my lunch writing things in the book.

On the first page I wrote the thing I was at least scared of.

Never learn how to ride a bike, I said.

Then I wrote Never meet Bongcha and Byuntae again on the next page.

Being alone, I wrote as third.

After that I couldn't think of any more things that scared except one thing, but that scared me so much I didn't dare to write it down.

I shook a little as I wrote My Fiance.

But then I immediately regretted it and started it over with the pen until you couldn't see what I said. I wrote a little note underneath “If you get this far I'll tell you.”

Because I really didn't though he would even get through the bicycling-thing; I was scared to death by the though of cycling even though it also scared me not to cycle again and let my fear win.

I hid the notebook deep down in my purse and even deeper in my mind and heart.

The week that came turned out to be one of the most tiresome in my life.

Dongmin was really angry at me for really no reason, he didn't smile once and I wondered why I was with him at all but then I remembered how wonderful he was when he was happy and that he was basically my only chance to stay in South Korea because he paid for everything and I was a foreigner so I couldn't get an apartment on my own.

At work we had a crazingly amount of stuff to do all the time and soon I had met almost all the stars the kpop-world had to offer. I had my closest near death experience in my life when I passed the men of Shinhwa; They were ing gods. But after that I didn't think that much of all the stars being everywhere all the time. It was sick how fast you turned into a professional and thinking more of how the light hit Leeteuk of Super juniors face rather than Omfg its Leeteuks ing face-

But I never had time to rest. At work I had fun, but we worked hard all the time, and at home I didn't work but I was so stressed out because of the atmosphere that I hardly couldn't sleep.

So when I had breaks at work I often wandered off, trying to find places to rest. I had found this storage room which actually had a minimal couch in it and after a hard day when we were finished earlier with work I went there to get some hours of sleep before I had to go home, I would never dare to come home late again without having a really good reason why.

The corridor was really silent, one of the florescent lights had gone of. I opened the door and went in.

To my surprise it wasn't empty, a young man were sitting in their watching something on his computer with his earplugs in.

He slowly turned and looked at me, his expression on his face was impossible to read.

“Oh, I though it was empty,” I said.

He didn't say a thing, he just blinked. I excused myself and turned to go.

“You don't want to watch a movie?” He asked.

I stopped in the door, looking back at the man.

“Yes, I actually would.” I said.

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I'll make an double update ^^