I had though getting a job would solve everything, that they wouldn't bother me any more. But apparently not. Apparently I had to be engaged to a stupid like Dongmin in order to stay in the country.

If you aren't occupied with studies or engagement you are obligated to leave Korea and not return for a year.

I just sat and stared at the letter, hands in my hair, not knowing what to do.

I didn not move when Yonghwa came home. “Are you OK, hun?” he asked me and kissed my cheek.

I didn't answear. He took the paper away from me to read. He didn't say anything either, he just stood there and we shared the silence.

Just as my life seemed easy it got hard.

And me and Yonghwa was never voted out of that dame datingshow, and either was Jonghyun and Shin Sekyung.

“If we're going to the final I'm going to have to leave the country before the filming end,” I told Yonghwa during dinner. The male didn't respond. We had gotten rather quiet lately.

I almost couldn't swear silently when me and Yonghwa went to final against (of course) Jonghyun and Sekyung.

Yonghwa decided to tame me out to a fancy resturant a few days before I was forced to leave. I hardly ate anything. Afterwards we just sat there in silence with coffea, he was the one who started to talk.

“I've gotten rather fond of you lately, Hanbyul,” he told me. He sighted and closed his eyes, he looked perfect when he did that. “Like... Like it feels now, it feels like this could be forever.

But this won't be forever, I though and looked down into the blackness of the coffea. This will end during this week. He still hadn't opened his eyes.

“But I know that forever is something that changes over time.”

Now it's a week. My forever is a week long.

“I've actually promised a girl before forever,” he told me.

He saying that surprised me. I studied him in the light from the candles.

“That's my scandal: I've been engaged. She was pregnant, but it turned out it wasn't mine. When I found out I dumped her.”

He looked really tired. “I... I do send her money. And I... I can't get the feeling out that I have done her wrong.”

I had nothing tp say so I was silent. He waved the though away.

“However. Forever change. But, as I feel righ now, you are my forever.”

He opened his eyes as he said forever and I felt how my heart stopped as his dark eyes studied me, his serious face concentrated on me.

“If forever is this, I want this forever,” he told me. “I don't like to stress. Under any other circumstances I would have waited, but now we can't. Not if we want to keep doing this.”

I felt my heart stopping as he took up a small sating box and placed on the table.

His eyes were burried in me.

“Hanbyul, even if it isn't forever in the future... Would you like to be my forever now?” he asked me quietly.

The ring was golden with a pink little stone that apparently reminded him of me, “Subtile but cute”, but we decided to not wear them until the future. Even though I knew this was for me being able to stay in the country I couldn't help myself getting butterflies in my stomach of the thoughts of him standing at the end of the ile lookin at me in a black suit and smiling with his crocked teeth I loved he hadn't fixed.

I was surprised by how easily things had turned out well again. I surprised Yongwha with dinner that tasted like and we drank to much wine and giggled and he wresteld me down on the sofa and kissed me until I though that I actually had ound complete hapiness.

Ten days until the final recording. Everything was fine, I had gone back to being a make-up artist and all publicity around me had started to drop. It felt like normal again.

Until Jonghyun one day in the middle of a corridor suddenly grabbed my shoulder and swung me aroung.

“Are you to engaged?” he spat in my face. He really looked upset, his hair wasn't fixed like it used to be, he didn't look like himself at all.

I was so shocked I just stared.

“Yes...” I stuttered in the end.

He looked like he was about to kill someone. “Has anything happened?” I asked him.

“Why are you getting married to someone you just dated for three months?” he screamed. “It's just completely idiotic!”

Then it burst inside of me.

“Well it's kind of idiotic just talking to me when you think I'm doing something wrong!” I yelled. We both breathed heavily. “Why doesn't you speak to me otherwise? What have been wrong with you lately? Don't you get that I in miss you!”

I didn't use to get mad, so when I got mad I usually let it all out of me.

Jonghyun stared at me with glazed eyes and jaw slightly dropped, all anger had left his face.

“Why don't you get it?” he then said with a trembeling voice. “I want to be the one making you completely happy. I want to be... The one...” His voice trailed of, I just stared at him.

What? What was he saying?

Whatever he was saying it wasn't making any sense. Why now? Why when I was engaged?

My heart was beating hard in my chest as I cleared my throath and said “I am completely happy.”

The silence between us lasted forever.

“Really?” he then asked me.

I imagined Yonghwa in front of me, those tender eyes looking at me with love.

“Yes,” I said but id din't feel like it was me talking, my voice sounded awfully strange and far away. “Thank you. Without you I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't be with Yonghwa. You made me completely happy.”

When I said that he slowly straightened his back. He sighted, he looked defetead.

“I guess I can't ask for more, then,” he said. His eyes turned from sad and desperate to his ordinary, calm gaze.

I hadn't seen that gaze in a while, it was the same gaze that had hunted me in my dreams so many times.

He managed to smile a little.

“Then good bye, Hanbyul,” he said and then he turned and walked away from me.

I was torn, confused, turned upside down. I spended the night on the balcony just staring at the sky.

Why did this happen to me? Why did everything just turn over all the time? Why couldn't I stop thinking about that last gaze Jonghyun had given me? Why couldn't I on the other hand picture Yongwas? My boyfriend, my fiance, the man I had lived with for months now?

I burried my face in my knee not knowin at all what do do.