I clasped the little book tighter to my chest as a wave of angst once again rummaged trough my body,

God, why am I even doing this? I thought while I was shuffled around by screaming fangirls who did everything they could to see just a small peak of Shinee.

I just didn't fit in. I was a unsatisfied spot among joy and happiness and I wondered why I was here taking that spot from someone who would probably enjoy this a lot more than I did.

But I couldn't change my mind now. I had queued for six hours and had paid a lot more than I had told my boyfriend, I couldn’t bail out now.

I was just going to go up on that stage, greet Shinee, give Jonghyun the little book I had made and then I would walk of and leave. Leave them and leave Kpop behind me, grow up as my boyfriend used to say I should do.

I looked up at them with a sigh, I could see Taemins read hair through the massive wall of jumping girls. I had had a lot of fun with k-pop, I couldn't say different. But Dongmin were right, I had to grow up, I couldn't like these childish things like k-pop anymore.

”Girls, are you ready to go next?”

I stared in panic at the guard who had asked us. No, I'm not ready, some voice said inside of me, but I calmed myself. Come on Hanbyul, you have to do it. It's going to go quick and afterward you can leave all this behind with a peaceful mind.

Me and six other girls were let through. They all went before me cause they were so excited and I ended up being last but that didn't matter so much to me cause I was so ing nervous that it just felt like I was going to faint or throw up or do both at the same time.

But that wasn't that weird because I had gotten a headache as soon as I had arrived. Typical me, I thought while I went up the steps away from the crowd.

It got to me how many fans there were there when I got up on stage. I stared out at the crowd, completely amazed.

Wow, to get so much love, I thought bewildered.

“Noona?” A careful voice asked somewhere behind me.

I turned around to find Taemin sitting there behind the signingtable looking at bit confused up towards me.

I bit my lip feeling embarrassed and gave him my CD quick for him to sign it.

“Whats your name?” he asked me.

“Hanbyul,” I said quietly.

“Hanbyul? Pancha pancha?” He said smiling big. I just stared at him, didn't get at all what he meant even though it was obvious.

Well, now as he said it, I did see stars everywhere I could sight.

Minho and Key also gave me a worried look when I passed them.

“Don't be nervous Noona, everything is fine,” Onew said and smiled widely. I could hardly smile back because,

The next person was Jonghyun himself.

There were no other star that I had fangirled over more than him. He was just perfect in every way possible, and even though I had known it was silly I had always wanted to meet him.

I hold my breath as I approached him.

He looked perfect as he always did, with his brownish hair slightly in his eyes. He signed my CD not looking up at me and then, he did a little hairflip to be able to see me clearly.

My heart ing sank and froze as our gaze met, his round browned eyes looked tired.

“Hello,” he said and a professional smile came over his face, “Thank you for supporting Shinee! I hope I'll see you again!”

“Here,” I mumbler as I gave him the little book.

I had done one before which I had sent to him a couple of years ago and this was the follow up. It was a children-book about a little dinosaur who discovered the scary world around him.

He took it and stared at it, then his eyes suddenly grew. He looked up at me with a much more clearer, intense gaze.

“Well, do well,” I said and turned to go when he said “Wait!”

I stopped, looked at him, but my sight wasn't that clear, it was flashing with black and white squares.

“Are... You the one who did 'Dino and the world'?” he asked me.

That was the first book I had done to him. “Yea,” I said.

He wet his lips. “I... I really liked that book! I've been waiting for the next but... I didn't know I was going to meet the one who actually made them.”

I felt so confuse. This is not happening. Jonghyun did not get the book I did years ago and he did not like it...

“Well,” I said, having a mental breakdown, “I have to go now.”
 

“Could you send me more books?”

I didn't answer that. I walked of the stage and down the stairs.

And that's the last thing I remembered before everything went black and I fainted.

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So, my first chapter.

So far I only have one subscriber but that's ok because it's the one I'm writing this story for :P haha saranghae bästaste chingu <3

I'm actually surprised how well it goes to write in english O.o I consider myself quite bad at english, but I guess it's easier when I use word...

If anyone else reads this I hope you'll enjoy it ^^ Saranghae! <3