Soobin’s POV

On the ambulance, I found myself shaking so hard I cannot keep still. The paramedic checked Donghae from head to toe. Al I could d was hope he will be ok. I pulled out my phone from my pocket and tried my best not to drop it through my trembling fingers. I searched for a number which I though I would never use and dialed.

“This is Soobin. Donghae’s fainted and on his way to the hospital.” I said.

Outside the Emergency department, I couldn’t stop pacing to and fro. The curtain to Donghae’s bed was still drawn and the doctor had been in there for a long time. When he finally came out, I rushed to him, wanting to know what happen to Donghae as soon as possible.

“How is he?” I asked.

“He just need more rest and regulate his meals. He didn’t seem to have eaten anything today and due to these, he might have felt a little uncomfortable and maybe the lack of space might have caused this. I recommend him to stay here tfor the next few days so that he can recouperate. Why don’t you follow the nurse to register for him?” The doctor said I didn’t know anything about Donghae. How can I register for him?

“I’ll go.” I heard and saw Leeteuk standing behind me as he shook hands with the doctor.

“watch over him for me ok?” Leeteuk said as he follow the nurse out while I sat and took care of Donghae. His once radient skin look so pale and sunken. He looked like he lost some weight the past few days.

When Leeteuk came back, a group of nurse brought Donghae to the private ward where he can have ample rest without being disturbed. As Leeteuk looked at Donghae, I felt guility and that I shouldn’t be here. As time passes by, more and more members came to visit Donghae. They smiled at me and gave me a pat on y shoulder before going over to Donghae.

When Eunhyuk came, he saw me and literally scowled at me. He came to me and whispered angrily into my ears.

“What are you doing here?” I was shocked. The nice Eunhyuk is actually scowling at me.

“I think I better go.” I said and turned to leave. I took a seat on the seats outside his room, not knowing where to go or what to do. I pulled out my phone to see a few messages from Joongki.

‘Are you ok? – Joongki’

‘I’m fine. I’m sorry to have abandoned you – Soobin’

I tucked the phone back into my pocket while I lay my head on the wall behind me and pinched the bridge of my nose. My head was trobbing and somehow, my heart feels like it’s being pushed to my mouth. I feel so guilty, so upset, so worried.

After about 15 minutes, I heard my name being called and saw Haemin walking in my direction. I stood up as she approached me. Her face was not the one filled with Disgust like to one on Eunhyuk’s face moments ago. Her’s was more of sadness and surprise.

“What are you doing here? How did you know Donghae fainted?” She asked me. That’s why she looked surprised. I told her what she needed to know before telling her to go inside. Now Eunhyuk must need her the most. Donghae is his best friend it is natural for him to be worried and angry at me. Afterall, I was the cause of all these. Even though I want to deny it, but I know it’s my fault deep down inside.

When she went in, I sat back down, trying to stop tears from flowing. For the first time, I fet ike crying for someone. When my pet dog died a few years bag, I didn’t cry. When I watched soapy movies or dramas or those extreme sad shows, I never cried. I wasn’t someone who showed emotions easily like Haemin.

When I heard the doors open, I blinked it al back to see Haemin walk out and sat down beside me. We talked and I encouraged her to go to her boyfriend who needs her the most now. After much persuasion, she went back into the room where her lover is. For the first time, I envy Haemin. She has someone who loves her and she loves him back.

They always say it’s better to have a guy who love you more than you loving him. I could never understand what that meant until now I see Haemin and Eunhyuk. Even though both of them are crazy about each other, Eunhyuk is definitely obsessed about Haemin from head to toe.

I guess I was much in thought. I didn’t realize the doors opening until I heard someone calling my name. I looked up to see all the boys other than Eunhyuk and Haemin. I immediately looked down. I don’t want to see anymore of those disgusted looks. I already felt so sick at myself. I don’t need anyone giving me those judgemental eyes.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and I looked up to see Leeteuk. His eyes were not judging but full of warmth and assurance. I took the chance and ooked around. The boys had reassuring smiles on the faces. They don’t blame me.

“Soobin, why don’t you go in and see him?” Leeteuk asked me.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. Eunhyuk… he…” I don’t know what to say. Eunhyuk is their member too. I can’t say things to make things look worst than it is now.

“Don’t care about that petty man. Just go in. Donghae needs you more than that idiot.” Heechul exclaimed in the quiet corridor. Luckily there was no one around.

“I’ll go in later. I’ll just sit here first.” I said, looking down again.

“Soobin.” I looked up again and all the boys looked at me warmly, as if they were giving me energy and encouragement.

“Don’t give up on Donghae. I know he said really stupid things to you. I know you’re really hurt my him. I know it’s really selfish of me, but I really hope you can give him a chance. Donghae is not like any other idols who is a snob. Donghae is someone who will put his heart into anything he wants. I don’t know about him and girls, but that’s what he does when he wanted to be an idol.” Leeteuk said.

The boys left me alone after that and only Leeteuk was left. When the door opened and Eunhyuk came out with Haemin, Eunhyuk was practically glaring at me while Haemin was trying to calm him down. Even though he didn’t say anything, from the intensity of his eyes, you can see the rage building up.

“Lee Hyukjae, stop it. It’s not entirely her fault. You can’t force love. Just let it go.” Leeteuk said to Eunhyuk and he was still breathing hard like he wants to kill me at that moment.

“Soobin, ignore him.” Haemin said as he was pulled away by both Haemin and Leeteuk. I didn’t move for sometime until I braced myself and walked in.

The room was quiet other than the sound of the humming of the machines. Donghae was lying there quietly. His breathing was deep and stable. I slid into the seat by the bed and took a closer look at Donghae. I have never seen him sleeping so peacefully before. There were no worries and pain seen on his face.

I brushed the stray hairs from his face and just looked at him. I felt sad all of a sudden, remembering the time we had actually had so much fun together. His once radient face ooked so pale and liveless. I held onto his limp hands and gripped it with all my might.

“Donghae, please forgive me.” I said and tears came streaming down my face. I bit my lips, trying to not make any sound. I sniffed a lot and when I tried to breathe through my mouth, I let out a silent sob I covered my mouth with the back of my hand to avoid any more noise coming out.

I wanted to leave so that I can recollect myself before anyone sees me. I stood up but I felt the frip of Donghae’s hand on mine. I looked at him to see his warm brown eyes looking softy at me.

“You’re awake?” I asked with my crying voice.

“Don’t cry.” Was all he said as he reach out his hands and wiped the tears which were sliding down my face. I unconsciously rested my face on his hands, seeing comfort from him. When I recollected myself, I wiped the tear stains from my face and look at him.

“When were you awake?” I asked him.

“When you started sniffing. I was wonder who it was and was afraid it was some crazy fan. When I saw you, I was so relieved.” He said.

We just sat there in silent not talking. I looked into Donghae’s warm brown eyes and he was saying so many things through them. I know he likes me. I am starting to like him back. However, this is will be my first relationship and I don’t know if I can take it as well as Haemin. Dating a superstar is totally different from dating a normal guy. May be I should justy give up on Donghae and I. Maybe I should just go with Joongki.

I know what he feels towards me. I sometimes hope I read it wrongly but I know I wasn’t. When I looked at Donghae, he was afraid. Not because of me but afraid of my answer to him. I know I am selfish. But fo the best of us, we shouldn’t be together. If he was an average boy, I would go with him, but why must he be a super star?

“Are you eating well?” I asked him.

“I’m in no mood to eat.” He said sadly. I guess we both are just making each other more upset.

“Donghae, Promise me you’ll eat ok. I don’t want this to happen to you again. This… this makes my heart ache for you.” I said and his eyes shone.

“I’ll eat.” He said like a boy who will do anything to get his new toy.

When the doctor came to check on Donghae, they brought in his dinner and Donghae ate it all without complain. After he took his medicine, he became a little drowsy and fell back asleep. I know He’ll be upset if he doesn’t see me but I have to go. We really have to learn how to let go.

As I was deep in thoughts, I was home. However, there was someone standing at my door. When I got closer, I realized it’s Joongki. When he saw me, he ran towards me and pulled me into his embrace. His grip on me was tight. However,  didn’t know why but all I know is that I felt like crying now. Maybe it’s the comfort he’s giving me, but I want to cry.

“You got me so worried when you didn’t reply me. Are you ok?” I nodded, not looking at him.

“Soobin, tell me what’s wrong.” He said as he cupped my face in his hands. I didn’t  look at him but he must have seen my tears. He didn’t ask anymore but he just pulled me into his embrace. For what seemed like eternity, I finally stopped. When we pulled away, I looked at his worried expression and it hurts me to make him worried.

“Joongki, do you like me?” I asked him and he looked shocked at my question.

“Soobin, you’re tired and upset I think we should talk about this another time.” He said.

“Just tell me. Do you like me? More than a friend?” I said.

End of Soobin’s POV