Soobin’s POV

When I got home, there was nothing on my phone. Does Donghae not want to be friends anymore? I don’t understand how he thinks. When I changed out of my clothes, I tried to put everything behind and fall asleep. However, it is not as easily said than done. I was tossing and turning as Donghae’s voice ‘Goodbye, Soobin’ rang in my head. That voice, that tone, it made me feel very uncomfortable about what is going to happen in the next few days.

He kept chasing me away and not looking at me. I tried not to read too much into him, but I cannot help it. When I looked at him from the cab, I feel like my heart was torn into pieces. How can he be like this? I don’t feel burdened that he likes me. Why can’t we go back to the time before? Where we could hang out and have fun.

When I finally snapped out of it, the Sun rose high in the sky and I realized I was late for school. How great was that. When I dug my phone out of wherever it was, I realized I was indeed late and Haemin and I had different classes this morning that’s why we didn’t meet. When I looked at the time, I could not be bothered to go anymore. I just wasn’t in the mood to do anything today.

I hung around the house and found it too boring so I went out to do some shopping and relief some tension in my life. However, going shopping might be my worst decision. Everywhere I go, I heard Super Junior songs, Super Junior posters and what’s worse, girls talking about Super Junior. Will they leave me alone?

When it got the best out of me, I gave up and decided to go home. However, I guess it was just my luck. When I was walking hom from the bus top, it started raining heavily and there was nowhere to shelter me from the rain so I had to run all the way home. When I got home, I was totally drenched to the skin.

When I got into my room, I remembered what happened in my room the last time. I saw his phone with my picture and yesterday, I say my picture on his laptop. Am I too cruel to have rejected him so outright? However, what can I do if I don’t return the feelings to him? I looked at my phone to see it silent. For a few times, when my phone rang, I thought it would be Donghae.

s must be back by now. He must be busy that’s why he can’t reply me. I know I’m fooling myself but I don’t want to admit that I lost such a good friend because of love. I fiddled with my phone and decided to try and call him. When the line got through, I was happy. However, it got directed to voicemail after 3 rings.

Why am I so hung up on it? Befor meeting Donghae, my life was so normal. I could live everyday without worrying about everything. Now he came into my life and just disappeared, making my life all haywired? I need to forget about him. No matter what, since he wants to not be friends, he wouldn’t be my friend, no matter what he says or do, we will be like strangers.

End of Soobin’s POV

I was drinking a nice cup of tea in the garden and everything seems so peaceful. I saw a figure running towards me and when I knew who it was, the thought of it made my heart flutter. I stood with open arms, waiting for her to come into my embrace. The feeling is so warm, so blissful.

Suddenly, it felt cold and the Soobin who was once in my arms was standing a distance away from me. ‘I’ll never love you.’ She said before turning around with her back towards me. I shook myt head and tried to run towards her. However with her standing still, she went further and further away. I tried to running faster, with the pain of my heart splitting, but I couldn’t catch her. She was going too far. Too far for me to reach out to her.

Suddenly, I jolt up and realized it was a dream. I felt hands on me and I looked at the clock it was close to 3am. However, Soobin was thee, right beside me in the house.

“What…” I looked straight at her before confirming the time once again and my eyes are not foolinf me. She’s here, in my room, at 3am in the morning. Didn’t she went home just now? Why was she here again?

“Why are you here?” I asked her, trying to not sound happy or even elated. She explained about what happened and how she rushed down here to check if I was alright. She cares for me, she’s worried about me. Some part in my heart was happy, but I know this care and worry is just as a friend.

“I’m ok. Why don’t you just go?” I asked her, trying to not show in my voice that I wanted to stay rather than to let her go. However, her eyes were filled with anger. She started to question me about what am I up to. I wasn’t up to anything, just wanting her to go home. If her mother finds her daughter missing in the middle of the night, she would be worried.

However, she said I was giving her the cold shoulders, making it hard for her to take care of me just like how Leeteuk hyung wanted her to. She’s here because hyung asked her to take care of me. It’s not because she’s worried about me. It’s because it’s her job, a role someone passed to her.

“I’m not, I’m just tired.” I answered her, trying to not to tell her why I was like this, because How much I want to hold her in my arms, hold onto her hands, letting the whole world know she’s mine. However, what she did shocked me. She broke down into tears. She’s crying, because I made her sad. How can I say I’m worthy for her when what I do to her is always causing her to be sad or injured. I’m no good for her. No matter how I feel about her, I’m no good for her.

I pulled her towards me and hugged her. This might be my first and last time, holding her, comforting her. I felt silent tears slide down my face. I don’t want to leave her, I want to make her happy, make her smile, but I know I can’t do it. I only end up hurting her one way or another. I told her why I had acted this way and she pulled away, looking at me in the eyes, calling out my name in her tender loving voice I love so much. I could feel her eyes pierce right into my soul, seeing everything like I’m laid bare to her.

I have to stop this. I told her that I’m sorry that I caused her so much pain and that she can stop worrying about me because the boys are coming back and I would no longer be her burden. The only way from me to forget about her is to stay away from her. The further I am from her, the more I won’t hurt her.

I led her out of the house, with her quiet. Maybe this is what se wants as well. I won’t bother her anymore and she can go back to her own life. The life without me being such a nuisance to her. Back to the life where she’s care free and lively. There is definitely a better man out there waiting for her. I’m not the right guy or the good guy for her. I’ll only bring her much suffering and pain.

I tried to keep a straight face even though my heart was tearing apart. Today, tonight is the last day where I would see Soobin. Never again will I cross paths with her. Maybe 10 years or 20 years down the road, we might be meeting again. By then, we will both lead our own lives which is worthy for us.

When I got her a cab, she looked at me with longing in her eyes and worry. I brushed it all away thinking, it’s for the better. We’ll be better without each other. She doesn’t love me and I’m no good for her I need to forget her. This is our fate, This is our destiny.

“Goodbye, Soobin” Goodbye forever. I closed the door and looked at her through the window. Even though the cab drove off, she turned around to look at me. As it got further and further, it’s like my dream. However, this time, we’re running in different directions from each other. At least with a bitter and painful parting, we’ll have a separate happy ending.

When I got back to the dorm, I leaned against the door and slide down, with tears streaming down my face. I squeezed the area of my heart. It is so painful it burns. I feel like I could not breathe. I sat there for what seem like years before I went back to my own room, doing my best to live my life like before, a life without Soobin.

When I woke up the next day, I feel like . I was in no mood for anything,. I don’t even feel like getting out of bed. I just want to stay all my life on this bed till I die. I opened the fridge and my heart broke once again. It was stocked to the brim with food, wrapped nicely and kept frozen. There were noted, labelling what it was and this was definitely not the work of the ahjumma.

She even thought about food when she wasn’t aaround. She’s afraid I’ll go hungry. I took out one plate and heat it up before eating. However, when I ate, I see drops of water falling onto the plate. It was my tears. I kept eating and eating, thinking about Soobin’s smiling face and a the things she has done. These food are her concern for me.

I heat up plate after plate, eating them all as my heart gets shredded more and more. I tried to forget about her, but it’s not easy, just like drugs as she is my drug. I tried to watch television and read, but all were filled with images of her. Nothing is going in other than her face and smiles popping up everywhere.

I went into my room, but what caught my attention was my screensaver. It was all her pictures which I took when I could everytime we went out together. I browsed through them one by one and I know I’m just trying to kill myself as my heart was aching beyond repair.

I really cannot imagine my life ahead of me anymore. I cannot see what will I do. I cannot imaine myself getting married and having children with another women. She might be a fan of mine or someone who only go for my looks. I really need to get over her. I know now it’s just the beginning and that when time passes by, things will turn out fine. When the boys come back, I’ll get myself buried in work to the extend that I don’t even have time to think about her. I need to focus.

I took a shower and freshen up. Looking at myself in the mirror, I have to change. Change to be a better man, someone who can control his feelings and be successful in work. Never am I going to fail anymore.

“Lee Donghae! Hwaiting!”

End of Donghae’s POV