Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 3338
Genre: Angst/Fluff
Summary: Love, JiYong decided one dark night sitting under a street vendor’s tent, wasn’t really, well, real.
AN: Whew! This took a while. Could possibly be the longest oneshot I've ever finished! This was inspired by wongfuproduction's "Strangers, Again". That made me cry TT.TT, yet it was still so real.

--00--
 
Love, JiYong decided one dark night sitting under a street vendor’s tent, wasn’t really, well, real.
 
Love always begins with an initial attraction, physical rather than emotional. I mean, you don’t go around introducing yourself to everybody who walks you by; they’ve got to catch your eye first. Whether it be incredible beauty or vivid tattoos or bright eye-catching clothing, there’s something special about that person that makes them stand out—makes them special.
 
And that’s where the deluded idea of ‘love at first sight’ comes from. Because you want so much for that someone special to be different, to be ‘the one’. This makes love, JiYong supposes, nothing more than lust—except over an extended period of time. Because eventually, all love fades, and that something special becomes just… not so special anymore.
 
But when JiYong first meets another boy named SeungRi, he’s inclined to think differently. Maybe this really was the one after all.
 
--01--
 
JiYong sees SeungRi for the first time at a supermarket of all places. Yeah, it’ll be a great story to tell the kids. But that’s how it happened and there’s not much JiYong could do about it.
 
JiYong walks up and down the aisles, picking out things at random because he felt like it. JiYong has the luxury of doing that, buying orange scented soaps and sporks with Mickey Mouse’s face on them just because he wanted to. He piled the items up in his cart; not exactly sure of what he was going to do with it all after he’d purchased it. He certainly wasn’t going to eat any of it. That was very much like JiYong, never sure about anything and always wandering without a purpose. What purpose was there for someone who’d been born into a billionaire family and remained responsibility-free because he’d been the youngest son?
 
It had been a busy night, and the checkout lines were long—longer than JiYong desired to wait. As he slowly inched his way to the register, he couldn’t help but look around in boredom. A kid was wailing to his mother about her refusal to by him candy, a couple looked like they couldn’t wait to get to the privacy of their house to get their hands all over each other. He bit in a laugh at the scandalized look on a couple of elderly women standing nearby.
 
People-watching was something JiYong didn’t do often, but when he did, he was always surprised at the little things he wouldn’t have noticed otherwise. Like how the guy in front of him—whose turn it was at the register—was dead set on buying some grapes.
 
Five grapes, to be exact.
 
JiYong felt a small stir of interest as he watched the guy and the cashier converse, the cashier unable to decide on how she was going to charge him. No one just bought five grapes; it was ludicrous and just completely… odd.
 
In the end, the guy paid fifteen cents and walked off with his five grapes in a clear plastic bag. By now, the people standing behind him had had enough of waiting for a guy to buy his grapes, and an irritated mother shoved him with the back of her shopping cart. JiYong shook himself and proceeded to the cash register, methodically placing his items on the belt and paying for his food whilst thinking about the strange boy that had been in front of him. Intrigue and curiosity was not something he came across often, and he was eager to introduce himself to the boy, wanting to unlock those hidden mysteries inside his head.
 
Of course, by the time JiYong had finished with his checkout, the guy was nowhere in sight. JiYong sighed and abandoned his cart right there where it stood, it’d make someone else very happy for sure—it wasn’t as if JiYong needed it or something. He scanned the parking lot and saw the forest across the street, the one with the dingy old park inside. JiYong was very familiar with this park, having spent many restless afternoons reading in it. He even had a favourite tree and everything, one that was surely his because no one ever came to the park anyway.
 
It struck him that perhaps that odd boy would be there in the forest, at his secret park. That was what odd boys did, they wandered where they shouldn’t and didn’t care who thought what of them. So JiYong briskly set off towards the forest, squinting against the bright sun overhead.
 
Just as he had thought, there was that strange boy with short black hair and dark, hooded eyes sitting under JiYong’s tree, talking to the bird perched in his hand, his bag of grapes lying forgotten beside him. Though he felt no proprietary feelings against him, JiYong still approached the boy, speaking to him with an air of confidence that seemed to say, I know exactly who I am and you should, too. Surprisingly, the boy replied him, albeit in a soft, sweet voice that wavered in all the right spots.
 
And there was that initial attraction; there was JiYong’s first spark. This boy that JiYong later found out was named SeungRi certainly was special, different enough for JiYong to notice him. That hadn’t exactly been a first for JiYong, but JiYong had never ever felt this way before.
 
This feeling of utter content and complete relaxation.
 
JiYong left the park later that day with a new spring in his step and a slip of paper bearing the name of a coffee shop and 10 a.m. scrawled on its front. Thus began JiYong’s journey with someone unique—with someone special. Only time would tell where it would take him next.
 
--02--
 
Sometimes physical attraction isn’t where it ends. Sometimes it grows into something tangible. This is where love begins for real—except it’s not love, not yet. It’s friendship, where common interests are shared, where connections were forged, where new experiences were… experienced.
 
Sometimes people were exactly right for one another. In this way, their second stage was easy and effortless; they laughed at the same jokes, they listened to the same music. Other times, they were complete and polar opposites of one another, but they somehow managed to compensate for what the other lacked. Where one was outgoing, the other was sensible. Where one was shy, the other was protective. Either way, friendship budded and trust founded, and this stage in their relationship was set in stone for the rest of their lives.
 
It turns out JiYong and SeungRi are both. They had absolutely nothing in common, but they had nothing out of common either. Their lives clicked together seamlessly along the middle, much like they’d been completed rather than adapted to fit another life into theirs.
 
--03--
 
Coffee shops turned into picnics turned into nights by the fire sipping hot cocoa. Smiles turned into grins turned into laughs. Handshakes turned into hugs turned into kisses.
 
And simple interest turned into understanding turned into full-blown appreciation.
 
JiYong can’t imagine his life without SeungRi anymore. How could he have ever gotten up in the morning without SeungRi there with breakfast and dimples and sleepy eyes? How could he have enjoyed life without SeungRi there to enjoy it with him? How could he have survived the long nights of loneliness without SeungRi’s arms there to wrap tightly around him?
 
JiYong had learned a lot about SeungRi in the year he’s been with him. He knows his favourite band (BIGBANG). He knows his favourite food (chocolate chips). He knows how his brother died when he was thirteen. He knows how his parents had always blamed him. He knows that SeungRi’s been alone for most of his life. He knows about the pills and prescriptions he has to fill out every month for SeungRi’s depression.
 
And after all’s been said, JiYong knows he’s fallen in love with this boy despite all of this. He’s not afraid, he’s not weary, he’s not apprehensive. JiYong accepts this SeungRi with open arms and an open heart, cherishing the beautiful side of SeungRi to make up for his long, trailing shadow.
 
JiYong revels in this, this feeling of depending and being depended on. Of caring and being cared for. Of understanding and being understood. Love has never given this to him, and JiYong is almost addicted to this friendship he’s never had before. JiYong thinks he can get used to it.
 
--04--
 
Love. It’s new and unchartered territory every single time—if you make it that far. If you have, well, JiYong would have shaken his head at you and pitied you. He’d tell you to enjoy it while you can. He’d tell you it only goes downhill from here. He’d tell you it wasn’t worth it.
 
And if you’d asked him why, he’d tell you that the world is much more painful when you’re living for someone else.
 
Of course, he ignored his own advice when it came to SeungRi. And perhaps that is most pitiful of all.
 
--05--
 
SeungRi cries out JiYong’s name as he comes from underneath JiYong, shuddering through the throws of the s. This is enough to send JiYong over the edge as well and he comes with SeungRi’s name on his lips. They collapse on the bed together, hot and sticky and in each other’s arms. They feel the lethargic contentment settle on them as they lay panting. JiYong whispers sweet nothings against SeungRi’s lips and JiYong’s heart is still racing, even though his has subsided.
 
JiYong wants to cry at the image burned into the back of his eyelids, SeungRi’s face as he screams his name. It’s so beautiful that JiYong’s throat closes and he chokes, his heart burning with a passion so great he can’t breathe. Never has he felt this way before, like he’d fling himself off the top of a building if it made SeungRi happy, like he’d take any kind of pain so that not a single hair on SeungRi’s head was harmed, like he’d lay down his life and let SeungRi step all over it if that was what he wished. Reality had intensified and now JiYong’s world had taken on new dimensions.
 
This must be what love is, JiYong marvels. Suddenly, all the sad love songs he used to listen to all seemed silly, like they had been lying when they’d told him how painful love really was. There couldn’t be anything wrong or anything bad about how he felt when he was with SeungRi.
 
Something like this couldn’t ever fade. When you’d found your soulmate, they were there to stay. Forever.
 
--06--
 
Life. It’s what comes next. After living in a world where the only other thing that existed was the person you’d come to love, people slowly drift back down to reality. Except now reality has been altered in such a way that the significant other is now a vital and unchanging part of your life, as constant as the nine-to-five job they work and the weekly calls from their mother calling in to check up on their life.
 
And love takes a backseat, something that’s taken for granted. When you know your loved one is waiting at home, why rush? When you know your loved one will cook, why bother? When you know your loved one doesn’t care, why tell?
 
That’s when the adrenaline rush flattens out and energy runs dry. Suddenly, fatigue sets in.
 
Life goes on as before.
 
--07--
 
JiYong shuffles lazily into the kitchen and smiles in thanks at the hot cup of coffee placed in front of him. He sinks into his favourite chair and begins eating his breakfast. As usual, he sweeps his eyes over SeungRi’s face, looking for any sign of a breakdown or tightness in his eyes. He frowns when he sees how small the smile on SeungRi’s face was.
 
JiYong gets up and moves over to SeungRi, breakfast forgotten. He SeungRi’s face gently and presses his lips softly against SeungRi’s, murmuring words about staying home and taking care of you. SeungRi shakes his head and reminds him of the business meeting he has later that day. Although JiYong feels a sharp twinge of annoyance, he eventually agrees to leave after SeungRi insists that he is fine.
 
JiYong’s day passes smoothly and when JiYong gets home that night, SeungRi is already asleep. The tears on the pillow are the only things that give him away. JiYong sighs heavily and climbs into bed, pulling SeungRi into his arms like he does every night. He reminds himself of his appointment with the pharmacist in the morning.
 
JiYong stays awake for a long time, not worrying, just thinking. Thinking about how his life his changed, how he’s become responsible for someone else’s sanity. He’s not complaining, of course. There’s nothing he wouldn’t do for SeungRi. It’s just… different. Different than his life two years ago. Two years ago he bought sporks with Mickey Mouse’s face on them, and now he was buying antidepressants. Not where he’d thought life had been taking him, but it was life nevertheless.
 
--08--
 
Most of the time, life as it was before wasn’t much of a life at all.
 
--09--
 
JiYong’s back at the supermarket, except SeungRi’s with him this time. They pick up all the regular items they needed—milk, eggs, and butter—and JiYong is slightly amused at how mundane his life has become when he’s not feeding just himself anymore. Of course, being the odd SeungRi that he was, SeungRi delighted himself in collecting just one lettuce leaf and two bananas, as well as his five exact grapes. JiYong had never figured out the mystery behind the grapes, SeungRi absolutely hated them. They paid for their food—having trouble at the cash again because of SeungRi’s randomness—and retired to their park. By now, the weeds had overgrown the rusty play structure and their tree had grown even bigger.
 
They opened their respective books and read until the sun was gone and they couldn’t see the words on the pages anymore. Then they packed up silently and went home. It was all sort of tiring to JiYong.
 
--10--
 
Eventually, being comfortable in a relationship only led to an ever-growing distance. Everything was so easy, so why put any more effort into it?
 
They probably don’t see it, but the bubble that held them together was slowly splitting down the middle.
 
--11--
 
JiYong enquires about how SeungRi’s feeling one night during dinner, taking in the strange sallow tinge to his skin in the harsh kitchen light. SeungRi just shrugs and mumbles something noncommittal, not looking away from the TV. This irritates JiYong a bit; he’d like a complete answer when he asks a question. But SeungRi’s been like this for a while now, so JiYong just shrugs it off.
 
Now it’s SeungRi who’s asking about the company, and JiYong’s not really interested in the subject, so he says something vague about stocks and leaves it at that.
 
The laughter that sounds so fake carries from the television and they let it serve as conversation for the time being.
 
--12--
 
And with distance came misunderstandings. Came arguments. Came wonderings in the middle of the night about ‘how we came to this’ and ‘where did things go wrong?’.
 
Came their one last try at making things work.
 
--13--
 
“Why didn’t you tell me, SeungRi? WHY?” JiYong cried in anguish, clutching at SeungRi’s hand too hard, it makes the monitor beep a little faster. “Why didn’t you tell me it was getting worse?! I could’ve done something, anything!”

“I didn’t tell you because I can handle it,” replies SeungRi absently, although his eyes pierce JiYong with something that even he can’t mistake for love.
 
“Handle it? This is what you call handling it?!” JiYong gestures to the stupid hospital bed and the IV hanging from SeungRi’s arm.
 
“This isn’t anything. I’ve been through worse… alone.” JiYong flinches at SeungRi’s meaningful tone. “Besides, if you’d really cared you wouldn’t need me to tell you,” SeungRi continued, eyes narrowing accusingly.
 
“What the hell are you talking about, SeungRi?” yells JiYong, hands clenching in frustration. “I’ve asked you every day, without fail, how you’ve been and all you’ve ever said to me was that you’re fine! You lied to me, so how was I supposed to know?! I’ve busy like hell—”
 
“Exactly, you’re just so damn busy with your job—that you didn’t even want in the first place, might I remind you—that you don’t even have the time to notice that your boyfriend was sick!” SeungRi shouted.
 
“I’M JUST TRYING TO SUPPORT US!” retorted JiYong, getting to his feet. “You know as well as I do that my father’s threatened to cut us off if I don’t work—I’m sorry if putting food on our table somehow means that I got you sick!”
 
“So what, now you’re trying to blame me?” demanded SeungRi, yanking his hand out of JiYong’s. “You wouldn’t need that ing job if you’d let me work, let me support you! But no, you’re the big shot here, you’re the billionaire! And I’m what, the charity case you decided to take in?!”
 
“How could I let you work if you’re sick?!” JiYong said, slamming his fist on the table beside him.
 
SeungRi just looked at JiYong. “That’s right, I am sick,” he replied evenly.
 
JiYong snorts. “You could have told me,” he says quietly, before he leaves SeungRi in his hospital bed and goes to sign some damn papers to bring him home.
 
--14--
 
No matter how hard you try, the clock will keep ticking and ticking and time won’t stop for you to catch your breath. When all you’ve done is tried and tried and all you’ve gotten is arguments and animosity, it’s only natural to stop trying. That’s when you realize this relationship you’ve spent so much time and effort on wasn’t going anywhere and that’s when your eyes start to wander.
 
JiYong meets a girl who’s so radiant that she exudes sunlight and threatens to blind him. SeungRi encounters a hyung who dotes on him and spoils him and always says just the right things.

Tick. Tick. Tick.
 
The hands on the clock reach midnight and Cinderella’s fairy tale ends.
 
--15--
 
“I love you, you know that right?”
 
JiYong murmurs this quietly, not wanting to disturb the peace that midnight brings. He’s feels tears stinging in his eyes and he wipes at them hastily.
 
“Yeah. You know that I love you?”
 
SeungRi replies just as quietly and he frees his fingers from JiYong’s grasp. There’s a sluggish thudding in his ears and he can’t believe this is how it feels to have his heart back. It feels foreign and unwelcome, and SeungRi has the sudden urge to give it back to JiYong.
 
“Yeah.”
 
They sit in silence under their tree in their park under the moon that shone too brightly for a night as solemn as this. It’s when SeungRi can’t stand the aching loneliness anymore that he stands up. JiYong feels a moment of spastic desperation and his eyes cloud as he feels the irrational urge to take it all back and just keep things as they were. But SeungRi takes a deep shuddering breath, touches JiYong’s face just once, and then leaves.
 
SeungRi doesn’t see JiYong’s arm—still outstretched—reaching out to take him back.
 
--16--
 
Love, JiYong decides, sitting under a tree in the moonlight, couldn’t possibly be real.
 
If it was, JiYong would always feel happy, blissful, joyous, because SeungRi would be there to make him laugh and smile. If it was, JiYong would never feel sad or angry because SeungRi would be perfect in every way—no way JiYong could be sad because of that.
 
If it was, SeungRi would still be by his side.
 
It seems SeungRi wasn’t the one after all.