Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1652
Genre: Angst with a fluffy ending ;)
Summary: And thus, JiYong breaks an old bad habit and picks up a new one along the way.
AN: Written for ymo1557's challenge, prompt: Habit, pairing: GRi, obviously :P I kinda rushed to finish this, I wanted to put something else to make up for not posting all week. As soon as I finish this, I'm back to writing for the "Home Is Where The Heart Is" series.

Warning: Takes place in the present, so Jiyong's scandal just happened. I'm sorry if this offends some people, but please be assured that I'm not treating Jiyong's scandal lightly, or defending his behaviour (because let's face it, smoking is bad, even if unintentional). It just coincided nicely with my idea.


JiYong takes a drag at his cigarette and shivers from the biting cold winds as he stares out at the city skyline, wondering if away at his own death was worth it all. Worth the freezing cold, worth the money spent, worth the scandals, and, maybe worst of all, worth the looks of disgust from the person he cared about in this hell he called a life.

But JiYong just shook his head and took another puff, assuring himself that this was the lesser of two evils.

---

It started as just a habit. A cigarette here, when schedules piled up, a cigarette there, when he’s done something wrong yet again. A habit, just like his habit of letting his hands wander up and down SeungRi’s body. A habit, like his habit of sliding into SeungRi’s bed instead of his own. A habit, like how JiYong’s lips were in constant danger of slipping and maybe landing directly on a pouting SeungRi’s lips.

But JiYong’s little habit became more than just a little habit when JiYong runs out for breaks more and more often to maybe avoid the suspicious stares from his band mates whenever JiYong laughs a little too loud at something SeungRi’s said. It gets a little more frequent when JiYong forces himself to reach for his pack of fags instead of SeungRi’s hand when they’re together. It becomes something like an addiction when JiYong starts counting out his spare change at the convenience store’s counter instead of counting the stars in SeungRi’s eyes.

And thus, JiYong breaks an old bad habit and picks up a new one along the way.

---

It’s silent, but it’s deafening to SeungRi as the elevator dings and YoungBae and DaeSung let out a little sigh of relief as they hastily exit, hurrying towards their apartment. The door shuts quietly and now it’s just maknae-and-leader as they go up another level alone.

SeungRi’s not stupid, really. He knows JiYong doesn’t want to talk about it, doesn’t want to hear about it, and doesn’t want any comforting words. But if SeungRi’s not stupid, he’s definitely stubborn, and maybe that makes him a fool after all.

“Hyung,” he begins as JiYong inserts the key to their apartment into the doorknob and twists. They walk in and SeungRi flicks a light on. In the harsh fluorescent light, JiYong looks worse than he did at the emergency meeting, looks pale and thin, paler and thinner than before. When JiYong shows no reaction to having heard SeungRi, SeungRi grabs JiYong’s shoulder and repeats, “Hyung.”

“Leave it alone, maknae!” JiYong hisses, yanking himself free from SeungRi’s grip and rounding on him, his sides heaving as the anger that’s been simmering suddenly comes to a boil and JiYong doesn’t think he can stand one more ‘disappointed’ lecture right now. “I don’t want to talk about it!”

SeungRi blinks and for the first time that evening, doubt begins to creep into SeungRi’s eyes. JiYong sees this and sighs in annoyance and points threateningly at SeungRi. “Just leave me alone!” he utters before storming off into his room and slamming his door, his doorframe shaking from in its hinges.

Not two seconds later, JiYong emerges with a familiar red package and a lighter in his hands. He crosses the room and leaves the apartment altogether, avoiding SeungRi’s judging and disappointed eyes. SeungRi’s not fool enough to chase after his hyung this time.

SeungRi can’t help but feel a little indignant as he stands lost in the middle of the kitchen, unsure of what to do. He thinks JiYong’s two-faced, seeing as he’s gone off to smoke his cancer sticks immediately after his scandal. Self-reflection indeed, thinks SeungRi savagely as he chops up some greens for who knows what reason. He notices his shaking hands and puts down the knife, perhaps he shouldn’t be near sharp objects in this state of mind.

He lets himself wander, and maybe it’s more than a coincidence that he finds himself in JiYong’s room. He sees a package of cigarettes lying on the floor, and one more at the foot of his bed, and another one under his pillow. Soon, SeungRi’s collected more than 15 of the little boxes, which he dumps carelessly on the kitchen table. He picks out a random cigarette and examines it curiously, wondering what it was about this little stick of chemicals and tobacco that made JiYong unable to live without it.

Perhaps it was because they were always there when he needed them. Maybe it was because they made him feel better whenever he was stressed, helped to relax him. Was it because they were something that always remains constant in his life of never ending change?

SeungRi ponders all these questions idly, and perhaps if he had paid more attention he would have realized that cigarettes were not the only thing that fulfilled these requirements, not the only thing JiYong had become dependent upon. As it was, SeungRi was fiddling with a lighter, bringing the cigarette close to the flame, holding it there until he had burned his thumb and the cigarette was now smoking.

He brings the lit cigarette close to his lips but refuses to breathe, eyes watering slightly at the acrid smell of the smoke. When he can hold his breath no longer, he sighs and inhales deeply through the , its tip flaring red as air is pulled through it.

Fighting the urge to cough and expel the smoke in his lungs, SeungRi holds it there for as long as possible before expelling his breath. He waits for a second, trying to see if he felt any different, changed somehow. All SeungRi could feel was the burning desire to cough and to wash away the dirty taste in his mouth. He looks at the cigarette, distasted, before shrugging and taking another drag and repeating the process.

It’s when SeungRi’s lighting his second cigarette that JiYong enters the apartment and smells the strong scent of smoke permeating throughout the apartment. His eyes widen in shock as he races to find its source.

“SEUNGRI-YAH! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?!” screams JiYong when he catches sight of his maknae taking another long pull at his cigarette. He races over and tries to pluck the cigarette out of his hand, but only manages to grab air as SeungRi pulls it out of his reach. SeungRi stands up angrily and backs away from JiYong.

“What, hyung? I’m only smoking! Besides, you do it all the time, so why can’t I?” he retorts before deliberately at the cigarette again, narrowing his eyes.

“SeungRi, I never thought you were stupid to try something just because everyone else is doing it!” sneers JiYong, eyes fixed on the smoking in SeungRi’s fingers.

“What, so you’re telling me this is bad? That’s it’s unhealthy?” SeungRi taunts, “Hyung, you all of people have absolutely no business telling me what I can and can’t do, especially since you’re the most corrupt out of all of us!”

“Why you—” splutters JiYong furiously. He lunges at SeungRi viciously, grabbing him by the front roughly. He shakes SeungRi like a rag doll and spits the words into his face, “You have absolutely no idea why I—”

“Then tell me why!” demands SeungRi, eyes flashing, not with terror, but with challenge. “Why is it ing alright if you kill yourself with those stupid cigarettes of yours and I can’t!”

“Because you have nothing to hide!” retorts JiYong.

It’s silent as SeungRi stares at his hyung curiously, his previous argument forgotten. “What have you got to hide, hyung?”

“What do I have to hide?” repeats JiYong angrily. “EVERYTHING! I have to hide the fact that I hate working at three in the ing morning just to please the almighty President and get the album pushed out quicker, I have to hide the fact that I’m ing exhausted of prancing around like a trained animal for people who hate me anyway, I have to hide the fact that I’m ing dying because the only person I’ve ever loved would never even look at me in the way!” JiYong finishes his speech, breathing heavily through his nose, fists clenched by his sides. “And so what if I’m killing myself? At least it’d be less painful to die with a broken body than a broken heart.”

SeungRi gapes at JiYong, before sympathy and, wait, jealousy?, fills him, eyes softening. “I’m sorry, hyung,” he murmurs. “It—it’s okay, hyung. We can think of something, I’m sure we can find a way to get her to like you…”

JiYong looks sharply away, lips pressed tightly shut. “Him.”

“What?” SeungRi looks at his hyung curiously.

“Him. Get him to like me. I’m gay, SeungRi.”

“…O-Oh. I—I didn’t kn-know that—”

JiYong sighs and looks miserably at SeungRi. “It’s you, SeungRi. I like you.”

SeungRi is frozen with shock. JiYong sees the expression on SeungRi’s face and his face crumbles, hand rubbing tiredly at his face. “Look, if you feel weirded out or uncomfortable, it’s okay. I can just… just find a new place to stay or something…”

“Wait.” JiYong stares at SeungRi, who looks conflicted. “You… you like me?” JiYong nods slowly, confused. SeungRi thinks for a second, before nodding. “Okay.”

“Okay?!” JiYong repeats, flabbergasted.

SeungRi nods again, and this time he smiles gently. “It’s okay. I’m fine with you liking me. It explains a lot. Besides,” SeungRi confesses, grinning shyly, “Maybe one day, I’ll fall in love with you, too.”

JiYong hesitates, wondering if SeungRi was playing a joke, but SeungRi’s expression doesn’t waver, so JiYong lets out a breathtaking grin. He wraps his arms around SeungRi tightly, so tightly that SeungRi quickly can’t breathe. When JiYong lets go, SeungRi breathes weakly in relief.

“SeungRi?”

“Yeah, hyung?”

“Don’t take too long, do you understand me?”

“Ne, hyung.”

“Good boy.”
 

End.

AN: And the various pairings continue! Refreshing, isn't it? I do believe there are a few more non-GRi in the next post, but it should be back to GRi soon! Also, we're actually almost through! 2 more posts after this and this post is going to be marked "Completed"! I don't know if I'm going to update it anymore, because I want to focus on my series (Letting Go, Bond-Fated, Home Is Where The Heart Is [not posted here]). Hope you like!