Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 609
Genre: Angsttttt
Summary: It's hard to be away from yourself.
AN: Random drabble inspired by the song Going Crazy by Song Ji Eun. Kinda messed up, I have no actual idea what this entire story means, but I suppose you can take it as you will.


JiYong looks at SeungRi and he sees, well, not SeungRi. He doesn’t see SeungRi, he doesn’t see Lee SeungHyun, no, JiYong sees JiYong and it feels weird to be in love with himself.

---

SeungRi cries and JiYong can hear YoungBae whispering into his ear, can hear SeungHyun swearing loudly, can hear DaeSung pleading with not-so-real smiles in his voice.

JiYong can also hear himself crying as well, crying because he hurts as well, because SeungRi’s not the only one with a heart, because SeungRi’s not the only one who’s lost something as well.

JiYong bets on how long he’ll last this time and starts counting down. It’s really hard to be away from yourself.

---

It’s one of JiYong’s better ideas and he has a suitcase packed and ten dollars in his wallet to run away and forge a new life. No more singing, no more dancing, no more screaming, no more SeungRi, no more G-Dragon, no more Kwon JiYong, because he’s so tired of it all.

JiYong drives and drives and perhaps he doesn’t hear his phone ringing from his front pocket, but perhaps he does. The roads are dusty and the sun is glaring and everything’s dead, nothing could survive in a desert, nothing.

JiYong has this weird itch in his hands, he wants, he wants so much to just twist the steering wheel, twist and go over the edge, where everything dies in the sand and dirt, and maybe he’d like to end it, because his phone’s loud, so loud. His phone is screaming at him to stop, to stop and turn around, to stop and go home because someone needs him. JiYong thinks that for once in his life he’ll do something for himself, something that other people don’t want, something that maybe isn’t a very good idea at all.

But JiYong’s weak, he’s weak and too many people hang onto his every word, so JiYong doesn’t twist the steering wheel. JiYong stops the car and he picks up his phone and says sorry and turns around. JiYong gets home with barely an ounce left of gas in his car and he cries on his way up the elevator, where he’s met by tears and more tears and he’s met with SeungRi. JiYong cries and his SeungRi cries and everyone just dies in a sandy desert, miles away from Seoul.

---

SeungRi shakes and so do JiYong’s hands and JiYong whispers over and over again that he’ll never do it again because SeungRi’s so scared that it frightens JiYong to death. JiYong doesn’t think he can run away from himself again.

---

JiYong’s lips press against SeungRi’s and he’s sure that SeungRi’s heart hammers in his chest in time to JiYong’s own thrumming heart. JiYong wonders how he could ever be without SeungRi, be without this boy who’s so much like himself it’s like he’s looking in a mirror. Because obviously, JiYong can’t live without his heart and soul, because obviously JiYong needs SeungRi like he needs oxygen.

Well, JiYong can’t, and JiYong wishes he could, because only SeungRi could hurt him like he always does. SeungRi, who makes him so angry he could kill, who makes him so happy he could fly, who makes him so sad he could die, who makes him so crazy, so so so crazy, so crazy that JiYong falls in love.

---

This thing, this thing that JiYong doesn’t even know what it is, it’s what keeps him going, it’s what drags him down, it’s everything but it’s nothing, it’s perfect but so messed up.

This thing is JiYong and SeungRi, but it’s more like JiYong and JiYong.