CHAP 36: LOSS……

Kevin is all alone when they have many guys. So he is easily driven to a corner of the stairs by a muscular guy in the bang.

“What happened? Why does Eli want to leave school so suddenly?” Jihae asks raising her voice.

“You must be the reason for that.” she accuses certainly.

“You have nothing to do with that.” Kevin talks back.

Jihae gestures the guy to let go of Kevin. That doesn’t mean anything because she herself pulls him by the collar instead. Kevin is shocked at her roughness and strength. But the shock doesn’t last long and is replaced by the pain.

“If it wasn’t you, Eli would be mine already!” she shouts angrily and pushes Kevin down the stairs.

Kevin’s back hits the floor with a loud thud spreading the numb feeling throughout his entire body. Luckily, the stairs have only a few steps. Otherwise Kevin would be unconscious now. Jihae doesn’t tend to stop at that. She approaches Kevin and is about to hit his stomach but a guy stops her in time. Kevin groans in pain and slowly stands up. Being knocked down by a girl isn’t glorious at all. When he is already standing on his foot, Kevin looks at her from head to toe. He now realizes that her hair is in a better condition in comparison with when Eli’s sister cut it. He reminisces about the strong image of Eli’s sister then about his promise in front of his lover to become fearless. He has to be strong for himself, for Eli and for their child too.

“Eli isn’t a property. If you really love him, stop using trickery. And compete against me overtly! My love for Eli won’t ever less than yours.” Kevin says sternly.

Turning on his heels, he walks away leaving Jihae dumbfounded. Although it is really painful to walk properly, Kevin tries his best to keep his cool posture in front of his hostile. Smiling secretly to himself, he feels that he has done the right thing to protect his love and become a strong boyfriend that won’t bring Eli more troubles……

The night has eventually come. Eli and Kevin are meeting up at the park. This place looks really amazing during Christmas. Despite the darkness, everything is illuminated by a lot of LED bulbs. Red, white and green are the main colors that are used to decorate. The Christmas atmosphere exists in every corner bringing passengers a feeling of excitement. Parents take their children to several toy stalls while couples just walk side by side chatting and chuckling with each other. And Eli and Kevin are amongst them. They are planning to do many things but decide to take a walk around first.

“So amazing!” Kevin compliments on how beautiful the streets are.

“Next year, three of us will come here to enjoy Christmas.” Eli says happily.

“It’s already three now.” Kevin corrects his boyfriend’s sentence.

“Eli, I have something to show you.” Kevin continues.

“What is it?” Eli asks curiously.

“It’s our baby’s photo!” Kevin exclaims taking out from his pocket a small picture.

“Really?” Eli asks surprisingly while receiving the object from the other.

“It’s so small!” Eli frowns trying his best to figure out his baby’s body.

“But it is growing up really well in my stomach.” Kevin defends himself.

“What will our baby be like if it resembles you?” Kevin asks aimlessly.

“It will cry easily if it resembles you.” Eli speaks out a disconnected answer.

“What? You should say it will be so adorable if it resembles me.” Kevin whines sulkily.

Eli takes out from his pocket a small cute bag and hands it to Kevin.

“What’s this?” Kevin questions the other opening the bag.

“I haven’t known its gender yet…” Eli starts awkwardly. Kevin stares at the present in awe. It is a pair of woolly gloves. They are blue, Kevin’s favorite color. They aren’t for Kevin, but for their baby. There are two cotton balls decorated on them. The present is cute beyond Kevin’s imagination.

“You are so provident, Eli.” Kevin murmurs loving his boyfriend even more.

“They are so cute…” Kevin talks to himself the gloves with all his heart.

Suddenly Kevin’s facial expressions change. It is twisted uncomfortably. He soon drops himself on his knees tugging his stomach tight.

“Eli! Hurt!” Kevin yells in pain. He grits his teeth in the hope to decrease the pain in his stomach. He doesn’t know what has happened. But he has the feeling that their child is dangerous.

“Kevin! Kevin! What’s wrong?” Eli sits down immediately then holds Kevin tightly in his arms. Kevin’s painful screams make him get panicked. He has never seen Kevin hurt like this before. His slim body is trembling violently in Eli’s embrace.

Taking back his logical mind, Eli brings Kevin up in his arms and calls for help. Before he can ask Kevin where exactly he feels hurt, Kevin has passed out already.

Kevin slowly opens his eyes. The light from the neon tubes dazzles his eyes. Where is he now? But the uncomfortable disinfectant smell rushes into his nose. It gives him a clue to his position. The only place that pops in his mind is hospital. He must be in the hospital. Looking around, he quickly finds his family members’ faces. They are all looking down, tired and depressed.

“Mother? Father? Hyung?” Kevin musters trying to figure out the situation.

Hearing Kevin’s voice, they all look up to see him. Their eyes look so sad making Kevin become more aware of what is in store for him. Eventually he reminds of what has happened.

“My baby…” Kevin whispers in doubt. His voice is shaking because of the fear for the upcoming answer.

Kevin’s mother approaches him taking a deep breath then sits down in front of him. Tugging the blanket tightly, Kevin holds back the air in his lung waiting for the answer.

“The baby’s gone.” She announces directly.

“You fell somewhere before, didn’t you?” she asks giving her son a reason for the loss of his baby.

“No… impossible…” Kevin whimpers miserably shaking his head in deny.  

Although he has predicted this answer, Kevin can’t help but feel extremely shocked. His eyes go wide then the pupils start to move crazily. His baby is really gone! His first baby with his first love is gone! It feels like something is being scattered inside. He claws at the blanket tighter in the hope to prevent tears from spilling over. The work seems to become more difficult second by second. Raising his hand to cover his trembling lips, Kevin suddenly thinks of something else, something really important now.

“Eli? Where is Eli?” he asks in a shaky voice. Kevin needs Eli now more than ever. He needs his hands to hold his. He needs his voice to tell him everything is alright. He needs his shoulders to cry on. He needs his warmth to wrap around him. He needs those things so badly since he is hardly able to bear with this painful fact on his own.

“As soon as he heard the child was in danger, he had run out of here.” Jaeseop said trying his best to not sound like Eli had left his dear brother.

However Jaeseop’s attempt has failed dismally. Kevin has lost his restraining ability. Not wanting his family to see his catastrophic face, he turns around hiding his face in the pillow. Tears start to escape his eyes nonstop. Bitter sobs are heard not long after that. Knowing about that himself, he bites his own palm to stop his sobs breaking from his mouth. He didn’t expect Eli to leave like that. It should be that Eli stays by his side holding his hands all the time, shouldn’t it? So where is he now?......

After resting for a while, Kevin is allowed to be discharged from the hospital. As they are heading out, Kevin catches sight of someone familiar running toward them. It is nobody but Eli. He seems to run out of breath now. Snow has covered his body a lot. Knowing well that they need private space, Kevin’s family leaves them alone.

“If something happens, call me immediately, ok?” Kevin’s mother says. Worry isn’t hidden in her voice.

Soon she is given a reassuring nod from her son. Squeezing his hand for the last time, she turns on her heels and leaves with her husband and Jaeseop.

Using the last ounce of his energy, Eli runs fast to his boyfriend. Kevin, despite his bad condition, still doesn’t want the latter to wait so he also walks as quickly as he can to Eli. As they reach each other, Eli hands out something right away. Taking in the action, Kevin look at the thing in his lover’s hand. It is a life-preserving amulet. But before he can think about it more, Kevin has already felt the coldness from Eli’s hand. It is freezing!

“Eli. Why are your hands so cold?” Kevin asks worriedly holding the other’s hands in his then massages them gently.

“I was praying.” Catching his breath, Eli answers. His voice is shaking just like his body in spite of the attempt he is putting in to hide that.

Why did Eli have to pray? Why did he need to bring that amulet here? Why did he have to suffer from the coldness? Why did he do all of this… when Kevin has lost their child, their biggest happiness ever? They have gone through many things to reach this position. Why can’t they have what they want? Why can’t they deal with things in a less tragic way? Why couldn’t it just be Eli be with him all the time and know about the truth instead of Eli trying hard to protect something that had already no longer been theirs? Why are things much more difficult to them? And now Kevin has another responsibility to tell his love about their loss…  

“Our baby…” Kevin stutters. Pain is filling his whole system.

“Our baby is gone…” he announces shakily. He himself has to gather so much courage to accept this ugly truth. To speak it out to Eli is so much harder.

“It is no longer in my tummy…” he continues and eventually loses his control.

Dropping himself on his knees, he tugs at the other’s jeans and begins to sob. His sobs escape his mouth in the most heartbreaking way. They are so bitter, interrupted and seized with grief.

It takes Eli some time to realize what he has just been told. Seconds later, the amulet is dropped on the cold hard ground. Eli kneels down in front of his poor lover hugging him tightly. No words are heard. They are just sobs and sniffles here and there. Even a strong guy like Eli isn’t able to hold back his feelings. He is breaking inside. It is so hard not to cry. It is his child who was gone now. It is his lover who has been hurt physically and mentally. How can he be normal? After all he is just a human being with all the emotions a person should have. Therefore he just lets himself pour his heart out.

The unfortunate couple just continues to hug each other and cry out for quite some time. Ignoring everything, they are just like that letting snowflakes cover their bodies in the quietest but most heartbreaking way. Tonight is an uneasy night for both of them and their families as well……

Minutes later, or hours later to be exact, they finally let go of each other and stand up. Despite being all exhausted and heartbroken, they decide to do something for their lost child. Walking along the street, they silently reach the destination. It is nowhere but the place Eli planted the flowers that he gave Kevin and also known as the place Kevin made his decision to accept his feelings for Eli. The winter has taken away the beauty of the flowers. There are only some withered trunks. The sight just makes everything seem more painful. Or maybe they are already in such pain that everything in their eyes now looks so sorrowful and deathly.

“Let’s bury our child next your flowers.” Kevin suggests quietly.

“Okay. Let it stay with our memories.” Eli agrees giving the latter a small snowman they have made on the way there.

Kevin carefully put it down on the corner of the parterre. They both sit down in the front. Kevin puts his hands together and begins to pray. Soon Eli copies exactly the action.

“Sorry baby. Although we haven’t been together for long, we still love you a lot. Thank you so much for bringing us the happiest moments ever. Hope that we still can be family members in the future.” Kevin mumbles silently eyes closing tightly.

Waiting for Kevin to finish, Eli turns to his boyfriend to ask something.

“December 24^th, we should go here every year on that day.” he offers sincerely.

“Uh.” Without thinking any further, Kevin accepts right away.

Eli takes out the gloves from his pants pockets then puts them beside the snowman that stands for their child. The couple looks at them intently. Holding his lover’s hand tightly, Eli gives it some light squeezes impliedly encouraging Kevin and even himself to get over this.

The baby left them as fast as it appeared in their life. It gave them happiness as much as pain. However, it is still a relevant evident for their love.

Another winter has ended. Another difficulty has been overcome. But still there may be even more to pass. If they could deal with them all, everything would be perfect at the end. Or vice versa? No one knows.    

A/N: *KNEELING DOWN* *BOW* I'M TERRABLY SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LIKE I HAVE TOLD YOU EARLIER: "This is the most important year in my student life. My future depends on this year. So I have to focus on studying." PLEASE FORGIVE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THIS IS ALL I CAN DO NOW. I DON'T EVEN HAVE TIME TO REREAD IT TTTTT^TTTTT

SO BAD THAT I COME BACK WITH A HORRIBLE CHAPTER LIKE THIS!!!! *BOW AGAIN*

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR STILL LOVING AND WAITING FOR MY STORY ^_____________^

HOPE YOU ENJOY READING AND PLZ COMMENT!!!!!!

KEEP SUPPORTING UKISS <333333333333333