CHAP 32: IMPOSSIBLE.......

Christmas is around the corner and every family is getting ready for it. So is Kevin’s family. Kevin and Jaeseop are hanging ornaments onto the Christmas tree. They are both in good mood. Chatters and laughter come from their lips lights up the whole house. Suddenly Kevin stops chuckling at Jaeseop’s randomness. He frowns at something, or some smell to be exact.

“Mom, are you cooking fish today?” Kevin asks.

“Yeah. I have just put it in the stove. How can you smell it?” his mom asks as she is trying to find the smell. But she quickly gives up since she finds nothing even with the fact that she is standing right next to the stove

“I don’t feel like eating fish today. It makes me sick. Sorry mom. But can you cook anything else for me?” Kevin says honestly.

“Okay, honey. But is your health good? You should go to the doctor’s if you don’t feel good.” She advises concernedly.

“I’m good but it is just the fish’s smell. Don’t worry.” Kevin assures his mom.

It’s been a few days since Kevin gets extremely sensitive with a lot of food. He goes for pees remarkably more than usual. He always shifts in his sleep. He is even slimmer. His family is becoming suspicious about his condition. This morning Kevin’s mother decides to cook his favorite breakfast for him. It is omelet. Kevin steps down from the stairs to have his meal before going to school.

“Morning, mom!” Kevin greets.

“Hello, Vinnie!” his mom greets back.

“I make omelet for you today. Enjoy it. You haven’t eaten much these days.” She continues.

“Of course I will enjoy it.” Kevin says trying to sound happy. In fact he has already known about this. Its smell, or just simply the ‘omelet’ word, makes him feel sick. But he has to eat after all. He has worried his family a lot. He doesn’t want to be any pressure for them anymore.

Kevin takes a seat at the dinner table and starts eating his breakfast. But unfortunately, right at the first bite, he begins to feel like vomiting. Running fast into the bathroom, he tries to throw up but nothing comes out since he hasn’t eaten anything yet. Soohyun, his father, runs after him patting his back to make him feel better. After a while, they head out of the place. Soohyun helps Kevin sit down on the sofa.

“Kevin, I’ll take you to the hospital today for a general check-up today.” He announces.

“I’ll ask his teachers’ permission for his absence today.” His mother adds.

Letting out a tiring sigh, Kevin nods his head. Maybe this is the best for his health since he doesn’t know what is really going on with him. Although he tries his best to behave normally at home, he seems to get angry with his friend very easily at school. He can’t control his emotions.     And that is not his self anymore. He is always good at controlling himself in every situation.

At the hospital

“How is this even possible?” Soohyun asks with his most shocking voice.

“Did I mishear or something?” Kevin asks as surprisingly as his father.

“No, you didn’t. You heard right. You are pregnant.” The doctor reassures calmly.

“But he is a boy. How can he? Is the result wrong?” Soohyun still tries to deny the weird news.

“Of course not. And he is not the first boy that has that ability. I have seen many similar cases.” The doctor convinces the others. He then starts to explain how a boy can be pregnant in clear details.

After a good hour, he finally succeeds in making Soohyun and Kevin believe that miserable fact. Both sigh heavily before bowing the doctor and leaving. The two of them keep silent all the way to the parking lot. They don’t know what to say and what to do right now. Complicated thoughts have invaded their minds completely. Getting on the car, silence is still remained. However it quickly ends since Kevin can’t hold his feelings back anymore.

“Daddy, I’m sorry.” He says beginning to sob quietly.

“I’m a… bad son. I can’t… do anything properly except… disappointing my… family…” his sobs get louder and louder through each word.

How can things turn this way? He is normal, isn’t he? He just had twice, not including that accident! And now he is having a baby! While other gay people have for umpteenth time, nothing happens to them. He can’t make out a thing in this. Does fate have to play with his life this cruelly? He really doesn’t know. And he doesn’t want to know since everything is meaningless now.

Kevin cries his heart out. His body is trembling violent. Ignoring the pain he is suffering from, he continues his head on the car window blaming himself for everything. It’s him now being a burden for his family. It’s him now preventing his own future. It’s him now ending his first love with Eli, the person he loves most………

Watching his dear son hurting himself, Soohyun can’t help but feel the pain too. Of course, he feels angry that his son is pregnant with some random guy. But he knows his son is not easy at these important things. He must love the other boy and allowed him to do that. That definitely made Kevin happy because his son has been acting normally and even more cheerfully almost these past two months after that miserable accident. That is all a father wants from his son. Therefore Soohyun is fine with that. The problem now is how Kevin’s life will turn out to be. Should he keep the child? Or should he just have an abortion? What if Kevin wants to keep? Will that boy accept this? Maybe Kevin will have to deal with this serious problem without the care and love from the child’s other father. This would be too hard for Kevin to overcome. And Soohyun won’t ever want his beloved son to suffer from anything painful anymore. He wants Kevin to be like before, happy and smiley all the time. Watching him like this, the caring father is hurt as well.      

Soohyun can’t stand this any longer. Stopping the engine, Soohyun turns to face his son. He holds Kevin’s shoulders tightly in order not to let him bang his head.

“Kevin, listen to me.” Soohyun demands firmly forcing Kevin to look straight into his eyes.

“Don’t hurt yourself like that. You know if you get hurt, everyone will be worried for you.” He says aiming at Kevin’s weak point. He knows too well that his son is always afraid of worrying his special people.

Kevin nods his head hesitantly then wipes the tears with his own hands. He has been so troublesome these days. Today news even makes things worse. He has to stop acting this way.

“I know you are shocked because so am I. But don’t cry, Vinnie. We will always be here with you. We will accept everything as long as you are fine.” Soohyun speaks out his thoughts. Hugging his son tightly, he starts to feel the lump in his throat and the stinging sensation in his eyes.

“Just find that boy and tell him everything. No matter whether he accepts that or not, remember what family is for.” He says swallowing all the emotions. He must stay strong to become his son’s shelter……

At a coffee shop

Kevin is sitting nervously at a table in the corner of Eli’s favorite coffee shop. He has accepted Soohyun’s suggestion. Speaking it out and finding a solution together is the best way to deal with this…

Today Kevin has told his boyfriend to meet up here since they need to talk about a serious problem. Five minutes have passed but there is still no sign of Eli. Kevin worriedly checks his watches and realizes that he came here fifteen minutes earlier than he should. It is all because of the sick qualmishness he is feeling right now. Knowing that he has to wait more, Kevin decides to order something to drink. Usually he would order a cup of hot milk coffee. But since he is pregnant, the coffee flavor and fragrance always make him feel sick and vomit everything in his stomach. It will be wiser for him to just drink some milk for the sake of his and his baby’s health.

Looking out the window, Kevin takes a deep sigh. How can he tell Eli about this whole complicated and impossible thing? Eli and he are just two high school normal boys. How can things go this way? Their love has just started not long ago. And now it is on the verge of ending. Kevin can’t think of anything positive. Everything that pops in his mind is just hopeless like Eli would be really shocked after hearing about their baby and he would force Kevin to have an abortion or he would break up with him right now and here. Kevin is so afraid of all those things. He doesn’t want to be separated from his love. It must break his heart into millions of pieces. But he doesn’t want to kill his child either. That would be so cruel and inhuman. He doesn’t know what to do or how to deal with this big problem. After all, he is just a normal teenager who wants to love and be loved.

His mind is already a mess and the stream of people walking on the street outside the window doesn’t help his condition at all. Every single thing spins his head around making him dizzier and dizzier. Changing his gaze to the customers of this coffee shop, he also feels sicker because everyone is really silent. They are all busy in their own worlds with studying, working, drinking and eating. That , the silence . Finally Kevin ends up looking blankly at the seat opposite with his waiting for everything to come. He imagines that Eli will appear in front of him panting and apologizing for being late then he will listen to Kevin’s word intentionally then he will be completely in shock. Eli’s shocking face must be really cute. Kevin hasn’t seen his boyfriend being shocked yet. So the imagination makes him chuckle a bit. But quickly after that, Eli’s face when he decides to break up with him pops in Kevin’s head. His hands tremble at the thought. He can’t imagine how hurt it will, how he will manage to get over this and how he will live without Eli. His future must be extremely hard.

Kevin’s trance is interrupted suddenly as he sees Eli’s bright face.

“Kevin, what’s wrong? Is there something we need to talk?” Eli sits down in the opposite seat with Kevin’s.

Kevin hasn’t said anything yet. He is still too worried to speak it out. Laying his hands on his thighs, he plays with them nervously.

“If it’s about our breakup, I won’t let it happen.” Eli says jokingly taking off his bag.

“Kevin, what’s that?” Eli asks again starting to worry as Kevin just keeps silent instead of talking about the purpose of this meeting.

Kevin stops playing with his fingers. His hand moves from under the table to the cup of milk that was previously brought to him without noticing. Taking a big sip, he swallows it to gather up his courage. He looks at Eli’s concerning face then to the table surface. Anxiousness is reaching up his brain.

“It is…” Kevin starts quietly.

“It is…” He repeats himself not daring to face his boyfriend. Chewing his poor lower lip, he is still trying to find suitable words.

“I am having a baby with you, Eli.” He looks straight into Eli’s eyes. After considering a lot, Kevin ends up speaking it out directly. It is the simplest way for him.

There is silence between them. For some unknown reasons, no one dares say a word. Kevin lets out a small sigh. Finally he can say it. Now it’s time to face his lover’s reaction. Eli’s eyes go wide containing some emotions that Kevin can’t tell what they are. Suddenly he is taken aback by the other’s unexpected action. Eli stands up from his seat then rushes out of the coffee shop as fast as he can. Kevin is left behind dumbfounded. Is that the end of their relationship? Not a word? Is it so cruel? Doesn’t Kevin deserve something more? Something like a last kiss before the break up or some sentences such as “I don’t think we should continue.” from his boyfriend? But nothing has come out from Eli’s mouth. Just a silent runaway is all Kevin receives. Kevin is worth nothing, is he? His heart is crumbling into millions tiny pieces. Although he has already known that it is impossible for Eli to accept this, the truth is still so ugly and heartbroken……

A/N: I just reup this since AFF hasn't done yet. Maybe some of you have already read this but maybe others haven't ^^

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