CHAP 11: SPECIAL PLACE…

On the way to that place, we talk about random things like our hobbies, school works, families, friends… He’s two years younger than me. His family has four people. Dongho is his best friend. He loves listening to music, sitting alone in the library, planting flowers… I now know pretty much information about him and so does him. He knows many things about me too. He always smiles if not he must giggle about my stories or even laugh out loud. His angelic smile lights up the space that has been covered by the darkness. His beautiful giggle makes the streets become more lively. His priceless laughter wakes up everything suddenly as if they have been sleeping for ages. Therefore, the journey isn’t boring and quiet at all. It’s full of talk and laughter so the time passes very quickly that I don’t realized that we have reached the destination.  

“Kevin? Here it is!”

“What is it? It seems like an uncultivated factory.” He asks confusedly.

“Well, it is. But don’t evaluate it through the outside look! Just come inside.” I say trying to be mysterious.

“But there is a sign that tells not to come in.” Once again confusedness is shown over his face.

“You aren’t always obedient, are you? You don’t get curious when seeing something is banned and want to discover it more? If you haven’t done something you aren’t allow to do then this is the first time. Just try. It won’t harm anything. Because you know that this is my favorite place so I have to know it well, right?” I ask leaning down closer to him.

“Ah… Uh…” He doesn’t know what to do and blushes lightly as my eyes look straight into his. I don’t usually make somebody feel embarrassed but since I met Kevin, I have just wanted to see every facial expression of his. I have figured it out that Kevin can blush and smile easily.

“Let me go first. Then I’ll catch you. OK?” I suggest.

He nods his head slowly watching me climb onto the closed gate then jump down.

“Alright, Kevin. It’s your turn. Don’t worry. I’ll catch you if you fall.” I reassure him.

“You don’t need to do that. I can handle it myself.” He smiles then climbs the gate difficultly. Reaching the top of the gate, he stands upright. You know that the gate is made from big sections of tree trunks so a person can stand on it.

“You see? I’m not a bad climber!” He says proudly beating his .

“Alright. Alright. Jump off!” I shake my head pretending that I have to accept an unacceptable fact.

“Don’t make that face! You will be made to yield by a perfect landing of mine. Widen your eyes to see me la-“ Not finishing his sentence, he suddenly trips over his feet and fall over frontward.

“Aaaahhhhhhh………” He screams.

And of course, I can’t let my crush get hurt and dirty. I run to catch him but not having enough time to find a suitable position, he falls and weigh down on me. His slim figure is now on top of me. His knees are on both of my sides. His arms are supporting his weigh weakly with one hand on the ground and the other on my chest. I realize that one of my hands are not in the right position. One is holding his thin waist. It’s still OK. But the problem is that the other! It’s on his bottom!!!!!! I swear I didn’t mean to do that. It just happens. So why don’t I put my hand away? It’s not because I’m a ert or something like that. It’s just because I’m freezing! I’m freezing at this situation! His face is just few inches from mine. As a result, my heart is pounding crazily. I feel my face burning! Let’s make it clear. My face is burning like being put on a fire and my body is freezing like being soaked in the ice of north pole. I’m experience two opposite feelings at the same time. You see how unusual I am? Am I crazy? Nope. To tell the truth, my whole body has just stopped working. I don’t know what to do but lie here and stare at him constantly.

“Kiseop?” He calls pulling me back in the reality.

“Huh?” My brain slowly starts to work again.

“I think we are in a very uncomfortable position and both of us should stand up.” He suggest eyeing me up and down.

“Of course we should. Why don’t you stand up first?”

“I want to but your hands are still holding me tight.” Really? I haven’t put them away? Why am I so erted? I’m sorry for that but it’s not my fault! I have just come around from my unconsciousness!!!

“Ooh. I’m really sorry. I didn’t notice.” I say putting my hands away. He stands up quickly and brushes the dust off his pants. Feeling embarrassment is eating me, I scratch the back of my head not knowing what to say and how to look straight into his eyes.

“Don’t blame yourself for that. It’s not your fault or anything. It’s just my carelessness making you suffer with me. And once again, thank you for saving me.” His hard blushed face slowly calms down then goes pink cutely.  

“It’s not a big deal. Let’s come deeper inside.” I change the subject to break the awkward embarrassment between us.

I grab his hand dragging him through the rut. We walk cross the old building then turn into another track. It leads to a magnificent sight which no one except me knows. The dark shadow covers the whole scenery. Kevin s along the path cautiously. Hesitance is shown over his face, which is the most shiny thing around here. To me, Kevin is even brighter than the moon and the stars up above the high black sky. I don’t know what to compare with him. To make it simple, I may just consider him as my light.

“Aish…” Kevin lets go of my hand breaking my train of thoughts. He’s rubbing his foot maybe because he has just kicked something hard. I immediately stop and sit down to see if he’s OK.

“What’s wrong? Are you alright?” I ask concernedly.

“I’ve just tripped over a stone. It hurts my ankle.” He utters a cry of pain eyes still sticking on his foot.

“Can you walk?” I query hands rubbing his swollen ankle.

“I will try.” He says trying to stand on his own. But soon he has to sit down because the unbearable pain.

“Don’t try anymore. You will hurt yourself. Just let me help you.” I suggest. Not letting him have time to answer, I grab his arm putting it around my shoulder. One hand of mine is holding his hand and the other is doing the same job but with his slim waist. His body nestle into mine.

“Thanks.” I don’t know how many times has he thanked me.

“Kiseop, how can you walk in such darkness without tripping over or kicking anything?” He asks curiously.

“I know this place thoroughly. Not that I want to show off, I can tell where every rock, every tree is. This place is like lying on my hand.” I say proudly.

“I can see how much you love this place.” He smiles sweetly to me.

“Of course. This place is the most special place to me.” I respond keeping him accompany with me. We slowly walk to the place I want to show him.

“Here we are. Kevin, can you turn away and close your eyes for a while? I want to prepare something.”

“Sure. But don’t let me wait too long because my foot’s hurt.”

“Oh. Why don’t you have a seat?” I lead him to my handmade bench. Or should I call it”couple chair” instead? I flick off the snow to make it clean and let Kevin sit on it.

Since I was a kid, I have always have a habit of saving everything even things that were thrown away. I think that everything has its own use and meaning in this life. Maybe we don’t need it today but we might need it tomorrow. With that thought, I have collected many things and used them for my purposes. A lot of appliances have been made from them. And that special chair is an example. I made it from two broken chairs which were thrown away by my grandma. But look at those poor chair, a brilliant idea popped into my head. Why didn’t I fix it my own way? I welded them together making them become one bench. I don’t know how to describe it well but when you see it, you will realize that it is a lovely bench for a couple. Before I made it, I had decided that someday I would sit on it with my true love and enjoy the view surrounding us. And here we are now. I help Kevin sit on the bench which makes him pretty comfortable.

“Stay here. Don’t open your eyes till I tell you to. OK?” He nods obediently.

“Don’t take long or I’ll die in curiosity!” He yells after felling me running away.

“Kevin, you can open your eyes.” I whisper to his ear standing behind the bench. My hands are holding his shoulders.

“WOAHHHHH. It looks like a scenery coming from some fairytales!” He admires the sight astonishingly. He stands up as if he wants to take in all the breathtaking view.

“You love it?” I ask moving to the side of the bench looking the same the direction as Kevin’s satisfactorily.

“How? How? How could you…?” He mutters still keep his eyes widen.

“It’s a long process you won’t have enough energy to listen to.”

“It’s OK. We have about an hour. If we can’t finish, we will continue next time we meet. I really want to hear.” He suggests pulling my hand to make me sit beside him on the bench. His puppy eyes and pouty mouth are shown. And no one can reject them.

I sit down as I start to tell him how I could build this place. And he is listening concentratively and silently…

When I was a kid, my parents often argued with each other. At those times, I didn’t know what to do but to cry and run away from them. Coincidently, that one time, I found an uncultivated factory which then become my own country. Every time I needed comforting, I always came here to yell and cry out loud. Those things really made me feel relieved. After many times coming here, I realized that this place was my second home. So why didn’t I redecorate it to make it much more beautiful and home-like? Thinking that way, I started to make my thought come in reality. The work never seems to come to an end because day by day, the willing to make this place perfect is growing bigger and bigger…

Surrounding us is a world of light. Those lights work off batteries not city electricity. Light from LED lamps hung on many things… Light from some lanterns… Light from old street lamps that were repaired by me… Light from a oil lamp I place on the small coffee table… Light from the moon and the stars…Light from his eyes, his smile, his face…

In front of us is a small lake. It has lied there since the day I knew it. It’s natural. The temperature is quite low so there is a thin layer of ice covering it. Somewhere around the lake, there are still some puddles that are reflecting the moonlights in the most sparkle way they can. A slight breeze makes the water surface move ruining the beautiful reflection but not affecting the view much…

Behind us is It’s the biggest tree here. The vault of leaves casts a really big shadow on the ground. Almost every tree has shed all their leaves and so does this one. The bare branches have now considered snow as their leaves and husk instead of the natural ones. On those branches, I have hung some colorful ribbons that seem attract Kevin’s attention. Knowing that, I started my story with the origin of the ribbons. My family, which is included my parents and me, used to write wishes on ribbons then hang them on the trees at new year’s Eve. But since my parents had some disharmony, we hadn’t done those little but meaningful together anymore. Because of that, I felt extremely lonely. I decided to do that on my own. Of course it wasn’t as warm and happy as it used to be but somewhat I found some hopes and strength in that. Beside those meaning, the ribbons have always been hung very carefully by me. I think that they are not only meaningful but also fit the tree perfectly. I look at the flying ribbons above our heads sighing lightly. Many of them have faded their colors through time and weather but they are still there just like those memories that were not happy at all. They always lies deep in my heart, under my new memories…

Hearing my story about the ribbons, Kevin might feel sorry for me because he is pulling my hand holding it tight in his small palm. He still keeps silence to let me continue. The feeling his hand touching mine… The warmth his body spreads… They are so charming and make me feel so safe…

On the left hand is a small house, really small. It is shorter than me now because I made it in the age of thirteen. It was not very simple to make at my age. But I made it anyway. Its area is about five square meters. It has only one door, one window, one roof and four walls. I made it from many sheets of plywood and branches of some trees. I used nails, ropes and special adhesive to make them stick together. Actually I made it few days after my parents’ divorce. Although I knew that it would happen sooner or later, I still felt so depressed when I heard their decision. After their fights over the right to take care of me, I made a decision myself to live with my grandma to let them stop fighting each other and find their own happiness. Since then, I have been living a pretty peaceful life with my grandma. Despite the fact that my life with grandma wasn’t bad, it also meant that I had lost my real home. So I wanted to build a new one. And this house was the new one of mine at that difficult time. I usually went here and stay in this house to make some stuffs and relax my mind. It has many favorite toys and books. They are my best friends throughout many years. Maybe you will think I’m weird but I find it extremely comfortable when I’m alone with them. This place with all its things makes me forget my pains and loneliness…

I feel Kevin moving closer to me. His hand suddenly leaves mine making me feel so empty for a moment. But soon the emptiness is replaced by the enveloping warmth. He slips his arm through the space between my arm and my body. He’s drawing circles on my back. His head is thrown on my shoulder. His other hand reaches mine holding and rubbing it gently. He still doesn’t say a word. But somehow I seek solace from his silence. To admit it, he’s a good listener and comforter.

Patting the bench lightly, I tell him how I made it and the habit of saving everything like I told you before including the part of my true love. Have you already realized what I am doing? I’m confessing to him. I didn’t plan to do this at first but it just comes so naturally. He still hasn’t react yet. Maybe he needs time to process that information. Eventually he moves apart from me. His eyes look straight into me. In those beautiful eyes, I can see a little confusion, a little surprise and a little emotion that I haven’t found a name for it as well. He hasn’t managed to let out a word yet so I start first to make us less awkward.

“Kevin, don’t worry about that. It’s just my feeling…” I say scratching the back of my head.

“No. It’s not that I hate it or worry about it. It’s just this is the very first time I have ever been confessed. So I don’t know how to react. I’m really happy when hearing you say those special words.” He replies smiling sweetly. His face blushes hard but he doesn’t try to hide it like the other times. He’s looking straight into my eyes just like he is confirming his feeling. Now I have known the name for the emotion above. It’s happiness.

“Really? You really feel happy?” I ask showing my happiness clearly through my voice and face.

“Of course, Kiseop. Being confessed by such a good guy like you is one of the happiest things I have ever experienced.” He admits.

Not wanting to waste any more time, I ask him directly.

“Kevin? So… would you… be my… boyfriend?” The embarrassment is burning my face. Seeing that he’s out of words, I continue.

“You don’t have to answer right now. You need time to think carefully, right?”

He nods his head slowly eyes stuck on the ground.

“You don’t have to worry about what I feel. It will be the best if you agree. But if you refuse, I’ll still be OK. So just give me the real answer from the bottom of your heart. Don’t accept my confession with the feeling of pity. Promise me that.”

“I promise. I’ll give you my answer as fast as possible. Maybe this Saturday. Yes. It must be this Saturday. I’ll answer this Saturday when we meet.” He says as if he is reassuring me and himself as well.

“It’s OK if you want. Don’t force yourself.” I say looking at my hand surprising at what I see.

“Ooh. It’s already 10.15!” I stand up slapping my forehead.”We don’t want you to be punished. We have to go quick.”

“Really? I don’t realize that we have sat here that long!” He says clinging onto the bench planning to stand up but I stop him. I press him down the bench again.

“Stay here. I’ll be right back.”

“What are you doing? We have to go.” He asks confusedly. I run away not even answer his question. 

I go back after turning off all the lights. I reappear in front of him. I turn my back sitting down.

“Kevin, get on my back. Let me carry you home if you want to be home as fast as possible.” I suggest.

“Thank you.” He finally agrees after considering for a while.

He gets on my back slowly. His arms wrap around my neck. My hands take hold of his legs. His body touches mine making me feel so happy and hot. But I know now is not the right time to think about my feelings. I have to move fast.

I’m walking as fast as I can. Although I know this place very well, I can’t run because the path is pretty winding and rocky. If I run, I can fall and hurt him along with myself.

“Kiseop, you are so nice and thoughtful. Since the day I met you, I have thanked you so many times. But I haven’t done anything enough to show my gratefulness toward you yet. Sorry for that.” Kevin whispers in my ear sending down me a tingling feeling.

“Being with you just like now is enough for me. You don’t have to do anything.” I whisper back.

“I think I have an idea. Let me sing a song for you. I don’t know whether you like my voice or not but Dongho told me he loved it. So do you want to hear?“

“Really? It’s my pleasure.” I can’t help but smile at his suggestion.

Saying I love you
Is not the words I want to hear from you
It's not that I want you
Not to say, but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
’Cause I'd already know

What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you

His angelic voice starts to sing melting my heart. Dongho was right. No one can hate his voice. It’s just so beautiful, so touching and perfect. Since I met him, I have wondered how God could create such a flawless creature like him. After hearing him sing, that question has grown bigger in me. His voice lowers through every word. I think he’s being made to sleep by his own voice. That’s so adorable. His hold on my neck at first then on my shoulders loosens. Finally I just feel his fingertips touch my jacket lightly.

“Kevin, you’re home.” I wake him up with a low voice. This is one of the hardest thing I have had to do. I really don’t want him to leave my back at all. I just want the road to be longer and longer till it has no stop.

“Oh. Sorry I dropped off.” He yawns.

I sit down to let him down. He gets down waving me goodbye.

“Sorry if you get yelled.” I apologize.

“Don’t worry. It’s just some yells. They’re not a big deal. I had a great evening with you. That’s the important thing.” He smiles then turning to head for the door.

 Like the first time, I keep on standing and wait till he closes his door then leave by myself. I wonder if he gets punished hard. It’s all my fault to make him get home so late like this. I have to make up to him for this next time.

Again one sleepless night is coming. Will he accept or refuse my confession?.......

HOPE YOU ENJOY !!!!!!!!!!

A/N: Finally i have finished it. After many days and nights, i have completed it. But i doesnt come out as expected. i can't do anything to make it better, though. Hope you love it.

PLEASE COMMENT AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK !!!!!!!!!

PS: I only have the pics that Soohyun and Dongho carry Kevin so i just pick a pic of Vinseop as the main image of this chap. it's quite disappointing T____________T

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