[Sol Han Na’s POV]

I gently swung the sliding door open, letting the cool autumn breeze sweep through me. I shivered. I held the two mugs closer to my chest and stepped out of the house. A hooded figure was seated on the bench at the backyard, his head turned up towards the dark night sky. 

I stood behind him and nudged his back with my elbow, offering him the steaming hot chocolate. He took it without looking at me. 

I walked around and sat beside him, lifting my head to stare at the sky too. 

“Why are there no stars tonight?” I wondered, 

“Just because you don’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not there,” he answered, his voice hushed. “It’s there. If you’d just let yourself feel it.”

My heart throbbed.

If he had said those words before, I might have just ignored it - think he’s only being overly dramatic. But now that I know the truth... I finally understand what he means.

I dropped my head and stared at the glass of hot chocolate, a faint smile tugging on my lips. 

Baekhyun took a sip of his own and spoke, still looking at the sky, “What are you doing here?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know.”

It’s true. I really don’t know what I’m doing here. I was just aware that if I don’t see him, I won’t be sleeping again for tonight. It’s funny how my body can have a mind of its own sometimes.

“You better go inside. It’s cold,” he ordered.

My hands tightened around the mug. The words left my mouth even before I had the chance to think, “Aren’t you getting tired of this?”

He frowned but still didn’t look at me. “Tired of what?” he asked.

“Tired of this... this... awkward situation,” I stammered, not being able to find the right words. “How did we became like this...” I added, mostly to myself.

He smiled and turned to me. “Yeah... I wonder how...”

I felt my throat tightened. 

Don’t cry, Han Na. You can’t cry. Not in front of him.

“I’m sorry,” I suddenly whispered, not knowing the reason why. I felt good just by saying it. Like somehow a little burden has been lifted off me. 

“For what?” he asked, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

I shrugged and looked away. “Just sorry...”

He stared back at the sky, letting the issue drop. I sensed that he’s not going to speak anymore so I decided on saying the thing I wanted most to say.

“Can’t we just cease fire for a moment?” I began, staring at him. He looked down at me, his face blank. I continued, “Don’t you wish we could be normal again? Like before? We used to be okay, right? Not this awkward-always-arguing nonsense.”

He bit his lip and looked down at his hand placed on the bench.

“You have no idea how much I wish we could go back to normal again, Han Na. You have no idea how much I wanted to end all this,” he muttered, his voice sounding breathless and pained. I flinched and stared at his hand. I wondered how much I wanted to hold it - how much I miss the feel of it. I held myself back.

“Then let’s end it,” I said straight. He looked up at me, his eyes wide with... surprise? horror? “I’m so tired of having to fight with you every single time we speak, Baekhyun. Can’t we just forget everything that had happened and go back to the way we were before?”

He didn’t reply but rather just stare at me, his eyes filled with mixtures of emotions.

“I miss you,” I blurted, my voice sounding almost pleadingly. I looked down and stared at my hand placed on the bench only a few inches away from his and gulped. “I miss the Baekhyun I’ve known before.”

A tear fell and splattered at the back of my hand. I didn’t even notice I already began crying.

You stupid. How could you make yourself so weak in front of him?

The wooden planks on the bench creaked and I sat frozen as I felt Baekhyun wound his arms around me. He pulled me closer to him and my head fell on the familiar shape of his shoulder blades. He placed his chin on my head and began patting my back.

“Why do I always have to watch you cry? You know how much I hate to see you cry,” he whispered. He removed his chin from me just as I felt something warm and soft touch my head. I realized that he just kissed me. “I’m sorry, Han Na. Please don’t cry. We’ll start over again. We’ll go back to normal. We’ll do that. If that’s what you want, I’ll do anything,” he said, his voice muffled a bit by my hair.

Just stay like that, please. Don’t ever let me go, I thought.

“I’m so sorry for everything that I did to you. I’m sorry for being cold and rude and mean. I’m sorry for hurting your feelings,” he began and continued, “But believe me... I have my reasons...”

“I want to know your reasons,” I pleaded.

I felt his mouth twitch - he’s smiling. 

“I’m afraid I still can’t,” he answered apologetically. 

I closed my eyes and nodded. His hands still remained wrapped around me, protecting me from the cold night breeze. His lips are still pressed on my head. And my head’s still leaning close to his chest. I took a deep breath and pushed myself closer to him. 

It’s okay if you won’t tell me this time. Take your time. I’ll for you.

***

I woke up in the morning but Baekhyun’s already out of bed. I could still remember what happened last night - how he offered to stay with me and how he held me close as he sang me to sleep. I slept in his arms last night. After what felt like forever, I was able to experience it again. 

I flew off to the bathroom and took my shower. I prepped myself up and immediately went downstairs. I beamed when I saw him.

“Good morning, Han Na,” he greeted first, flashing me a blinding smile. I felt myself flush.

“Good morning, oppa,” I replied as I sat on the couch beside him. He handed me a bowl of rice and chopsticks. I began eating.

“You look like you’re in a good mood today,” Kris noted. “Slept well?”

I nodded my head enthusiastically. “Super, oppa.” 

I caught Baekhyun smile beside me as he swallowed a mouthful of rice.

“By the way, we’ll be doing a pre-recording today, right? So does that mean we can go home early?” Xiumin asked.

“Yes, hyung,” Sehun replied as he munched off his chicken drumstick.

“Alright!” Xiumin cheered.

“At least we could spend some more time with Han Na,” Baekhyun suddenly spoke beside me. I turned my head towards him, my eyes wide with surprise. He never talks about me that openly. I wonder what has gotten into him?

Our conversation was interrupted when Manager Song came barging through the door.

“Everyone ready?” she said first thing in the morning.

All of us hurriedly finished up our breakfast and set off. Manager Song seem to be in character today. She kept on giving commands like she usually do. She seem to be panicking.

“Boys, today’s a prerecording day so you could go home immediately if you could finish it early. Han Na, on the other hand, shall have your second session with Taeyong on the acting workshop. Tomorrow will be your recording for your debut single,” she spoke rapidly. Sehun groaned by the announcement of my recording. Manager spoke again, “Don’t worry, Sehun. You guys don’t have any schedules for tomorrow so you can watch Han Na if you want.” Sehun beamed and flashed me an “okay” sign. 

They dropped me off at the parking lot and sped away, Manager Song staying with them. I walked towards the entrance of the building and was surprised to see Taeyong standing there, his back leaning towards the wall. 

I stopped and stared at him. What’s he doing here?

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