[Byun Baek Hyun’s POV]

“Just tell me if you’re mad at me. You don’t need to lock your door like that,” I said to her. I’ve been standing at the kitchen’s entrance for almost a few minutes now but Han Na still hasn’t noticed me. She’s too absorbed in cooking. This surprised her. She stopped and stared at me. 

“What?” she asked, her brows wrinkled in confusion. I left my spot and walked towards her, leaning my body opposite her on the island table.

“Your bedroom door’s locked last night. Why?” I demanded. Last night, after the conversation with Taeyeon, I immediately headed off to her room to check on her. I know she’s upset, the way she looked at me before I left said it all. But her door was locked, so I wasn’t able to do anything.

“What are you talking about, oppa? It wasn’t locked,” she claimed, going back to chopping again.

“Really huh?” I challenged. I’m sure the door was locked - I could bet on it. I don’t understand any need for her to deny it.

She didn’t answer and I didn’t speak. The room went silent, only the sound of knife hitting the chopping can be heard.

After a few moments, she spoke, “So what did you and Taeyeon eonnie did?”

I inspected my fingernails, pretending to keep myself busy. I shrugged at her and replied, “I don’t know. We just talked.”

“Ah...” she muttered. 

I stared at her, one eyebrow raised. “Why do you want to know?”

“N-Nothing,” she said, looking down again. 

I let it go. It’s obvious she wants to say something. I wonder what’s stopping her.

“Does she always come here?” she asked again.

This time, I pretended to use my phone. I answered without looking at her, “Sort of. She often comes to visit me.”

“Only you?” she said, her voice hushed.

"Yep,” I replied, popping my lips at the letter p. 

She suddenly banged the knife she was holding on the table, making me jump with surprise. 

“Would you stop doing that?” she exclaimed, her voice wild with annoyance. 

I blinked at her. “D-Do what?” 

“That. Acting indifferently. Acting like you don’t care at all,” she said, creating gestures with her hands. Ahh, so she tend to move them when she’s frustrated, I noted myself.

“How do you want me to react?” I demanded, not getting her point. What is she so annoyed about?

She seemed to be taken aback. She kept opening and closing , definitely lost for words. “N-Nothing,” she said at last, grabbing the knife again and continued chopping rather forcefully now.

“Want to know what Taeyeon told me last night?” I asked. She didn’t answer but I know she’d be listening so I continued, “She asked me if I love you.”

This made her stop. I don’t know why I’m telling her this. Maybe it’s because I’m aching to know her reaction. Or maybe because I’m aching to know the answer, too. I know I feel something special towards Han Na but I never once thought about it being like or love. Those two are different, right?

I stared at her. She seem to feel tensed, uneasy. I saw he hand shook a bit. Gaining her composure, she gave a half-hearted laugh. “That’s stupid, oppa.”

I was disappointed. I didn’t expect her to answer this way. “I know,” I agreed, scratching my head. I suddenly don’t feel like talking anymore.

“Why would she ask something like that?” she blurted, laughing a fake and awkward laugh.

“Y-Yeah,” I agreed, suddenly wanting to get out of the kitchen.

“You just better go and tell her how you feel. Stop making her confused like this,” 

I froze.

“W-What do you mean?” I stammered. What does she mean to tell her how I feel? Does she know?

“Just tell her you like her, oppa. So she would stop confusing herself that you like me. Just go and confess to her. Stop prolonging her agony,” she answered. I know her voice’s meant to be sort of reprimanding but it came away sort of... sad. Like she herself doesn’t believe in what she’s saying.

“Y-You think I like her?” I mused. Wow, she must’ve been really blind.

She nodded. I cannot see her expression because she’s looking down but her chopping became slower and unstable, like any moment she’s prone to chop her fingers off. 

“What made you say so?” I asked, curious. I thought of the past few days - about the way I acted between her and Taeyeon. Even in my own perspective, I  can easily point out that I like her better than the other. Why is she seeing it all wrong?

She shrugged at this. “It’s pretty obvious,” she began and added, “and it’s pretty obvious she likes you, too.”

Giving up, I decided to just go with the flow. “Yeah, you’re right. Maybe I’ll do that.”

“What?” she suddenly exclaimed. She had stopped chopping and she’s looking at me wide eyed.

I was taken aback. “W-What? You told me I should tell her. I’m just obeying what you said,” I answered back. 

Her face went slack. She took the knife again and resumed. In a whisper she said, “Yeah, goodluck.”

I can’t help but feel confused. Why do I get this feeling that we both want to say something to one another? Why do I feel like we’re both keeping some secrets? There are moments when I would feel like maybe I have a chance, that maybe she likes me the way I do but there also moments when she’s definitely out of reach. 

And those are during the times when she’s with Kyungsoo.

Suddenly curious, I decided to ask her. 

“Han Na, you’re our fan, right?” I began. 

“Yes, oppa. Why?” she replied under her breath.

“So you also have your bias, right? You know, the member you like so much out of the twelve,” I asked again. Now I didn’t ask this to satisfy myself. There are twelve of us and there’s a small chance that she’ll choose me. I just wanted to ask for the sake of getting to know her better.

She seem to think about this for a moment. She looked up and pressed her hand on her chin. After a moment, she began to answer, “Well, it’s pretty tough to pick but if you want to know which member I usually listen to or look at whenever I watch MVs, then it’s you and Kyungsoo oppa.”

My heart sank. Why does it always have to be him? Why do I always have to be paired with him? Can’t she just say that it’s me? Only me? Why does she have to include him?

“What’s your ideal type, Han Na?” I asked again. My heart started beating rapidly, awating for her answer.

She started biting her lip in deep thought. I looked away, suddenly feeling awkward. “Someone who’s fun to be with,” she spoke slowly. “I’m not a funny person so I think having a funny one beside me would neutralize everything. I want someone who’s good at singing or at least can play an instrument. I want someone who’s reliable, loving, caring, loyal, and who wouldn’t be afraid to show me off to the world.”

That’s me, I almost said to her. I gave myself a mental slap. 

“You might be thinking I’m quite choosy. But honestly oppa, I don’t think I would care. I’ll love the person I want to and I wouldn’t care even if he fits my ideal type or what,” she said, her voice sounding thoughtful.

I wonder what she thinks about while saying those.

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