[Sol Han Na’s POV]

I don’t want to talk to him.

I can’t bring myself to talk to him.

How could I face him after everything that he did today?

How could I speak to him with all these thoughts flooding inside my head?

Why is he so inconsistent? One second he’s warm and sweet but after a while he’d turn cold and rude and act like he doesn’t care about me at all.

And what does he mean when he said those things?

“If only you’d try to understand me for even a bit, Han Na, maybe you’ll understand. But you’re hopeless, you’ll never know. Open your eyes, Han Na. Don’t let yourself be blinded. Not everything you think is right. Not everything I tell you is true. Remember this, Han Na, I can be quite a great liar too.” 

I ruffled my hair in frustration.

Who is he to confuse me in such a way?

I’m blind? I don’t try to understand him? God, I’ve been trying to understand him for so many times! I let all the rude things he did to me slip away like they never hurt me. I acted like I’m fine even though he’s breaking me piece by piece every single time.

Not everything I think is right? Now everything he tells me is true? Does this even make perfect sense?

And what does he mean when he said he can be a great liar?

I dropped my head on my knees, feeling utterly miserable. I am usually smart with things but why can’t I seem to decode everything Baekhyun’s doing? His gestures, the way he treats me, the way he speaks to me, and that riddle he just gave... Why can’t I put everything into place?

I groaned and bumped my head over and over on my knees. I’m going to look hideous tomorrow and I know it.

A knock sounded on my door.

I looked up. 

I know he’s not going to be able to come in. I made sure of it by locking the door. But still... the knowledge didn’t stop me from expecting. Should I open it?

I shook my head, giving myself a mental slap. 

I heard the door knob click and knew that he just tried to barge in. I suddenly felt sorry. 

There’s no turning back now, my subconscious said.

Taking a deep breath, I slowly walked towards the door, careful not to let him hear me. I can feel that he’s still standing outside - my instincts told me so. I leaned in and pressed myself close to the door. The knowledge of only having the door separate the two of us gave me a soothing feeling, like somehow I could be close to him again - like in some other time, we could be okay again. 

One more time. For once again, please, just let me be this close to you. Just this once... I thought.

I sighed as memories started coming back. I was caught off guard when I suddenly heard him speak. 

“Go on, Han Na. Keep on doing the thing you’re best at. Keep on pushing me away. Who knows, maybe one day I’ll just feel tired and all these stupid feelings would just fade away.” 

My hands covered my mouth , stifling my gasp. I waited as his footsteps faded and the door at the room next to mine closed shut. My knees buckled and gave way. I sank on the floor, my hands still covering my mouth. 

I can’t think clearly.

What does he mean? What kind of feelings is he talking about? Why would he get tired? What would just fade away?

A direct answer came into my mind instantly.

I shook my head.

Impossible. That’s impossible.

He can’t love me.

He just can’t.

It’s impossible.

But he does, my subconscious spoke.

“How could he love someone like me?” I said.

I bit my lip and covered my whole face with my hands. A sob broke out from me and I began to cry. 

Is this what he’s telling me all this time? Is this what he meant to say a while ago?

I cried harder, feeling stupid about how insensitive I’ve been.

He’s right. I’m so blind. I’m blinded by my insecurities and guesses. I kept on making up things that aren’t even true. I kept believing into something without even asking him.

I leaned my head on the door, feeling utterly exhausted.

How can I be so stupid?

I closed my eyes and tried to calm myself.

I’m not getting it wrong again this time, right?

Images rose in my head - images of his warm, loving, and caring side. 

How can I overlook these things? He’s always been too obvious towards me. How could I turn these all down?

I wrapped my arms around me to keep myself intact, to keep me from falling apart.

“I hope I’m not too late,” I spoke to myself. “Please don’t let it be too late.”

***

Morning came but I am so far from being okay. I felt restless and extremely worked up. I wasn’t able to sleep, my stupidity made me want to hurt myself over and over. I went downstairs to join the boys. My heart ached when my gaze touched Baekhyun.

I’m sorry, I thought. I’m sorry for being so stupid.

“Have some breakfast, Han Na,” Luhan offered, patting the seat beside him. My gaze left Baekhyun and I sat down, grabbing my chopsticks and a bowl of rice. 

I don’t feel like eating.

“You look like you haven’t slept again, Han Na,” Suho noted, eyeing my face. “Look at those dark circles...”

“I wasn’t able to sleep properly last night, oppa,” I replied, slowly munching off the rice.

“Got a hangover because of your date?” Kris joked, laughing by himself. All the boys glared at him. I took a peek at Baekhyun. His face was blank. He continued eating like he didn’t hear a thing.

A car honk sounded and Manager Song came bursting through the room. 

“Good morning, boys. Good morning, Han Na,” she greeted, her eyes darting around the room. She stopped when she noticed me. “Goodness, Han Na. Are you alright? Are you sick?” 

She walked towards me, grabbing my face and angling it upward towards her direction. She scrutinized my face, giving me an awkward feeling. I pulled away from her grip, massaging my swollen cheeks. “I’m okay, Manager. I just lacked some sleep,” I explained.

“Why?” she asked and Ii shrugged. Thank goodness she let the issue drop. “Guess we’ll just have to cov