58/100 maakopla - Nothing's Over
The Library ArchivesNothing's Over
written by maakopla
reviewed by Amber_Sica
Title: 7/10
This is a cute title and it does pull the reader in, so props to that. However, after reading all of the story that you have written so far, I honestly cannot see how it fits into your plot. Unless it is alluding to the story never ending.
Plot: 18/35
3/5: Originality
This story actually started off quite original. I loved the story you began to tell, about a young woman who is not the societal norm and yet is lonely. You had her being tough and confident yet believably vulnerable, and her kindness to a stranger was really sweet and nice to read. However, after that incident with 'Chili', your story became very cliche and predictable. I can't even begin to say how many stories I have seen that a young corporate woman is framed for a crime and ends up falling for one of the two men trying to put her behind bars. If you had stuck with the original start and continued in that direction, this would have been so much more original.
3/10: Believability
I have to pick away here. There were so many unbelievable things in your story that it is hard to even know where to begin! I can only think that maybe you were meaning for it all to sound funny and be unbelievable for the comedy effect, but in all it takes a lot away from your story.
First off we have the protaganist's age. You have written her out as a successful CEO and being pressured to get married by her family, and yet you have her at the mere age of 24. I know that to a lot of teenagers, 24 seems to be practically ancient, but honestly it is nearly impossible to become successful at anything at that tender age. Most people in the corporate world would graduate University around the age of 22 or 23, and then work their way through the ranks into the CEO position around the age of 26. Not only that, but when you were describing her mother's pressure on her to get married because her 'clock is ticking', I assumed you would have her around 28 or 29. That is considered young in the corporate world and also considered almost 'too old' to not be married. If you readjusted her age to this more believable one, your story would make so much more sense in that area.
There are other issues though! The second is the woman named Kyunghee. Once again this falls into the high school idea of rivals, etc. Successful grown women don't have 'enemies' who try to steal boyfriends, the whole thought of that is laughable.
Third issue: Kai and sehun's rivalry. Yes, a detective and a prosecutor could easily have such a rivalry, even extending to malicious comments made. But physical violence against one another is ridiculous! They would both be arrested and at the risk of losing their jobs, not only for attacking one another but for attacking her. For their positions in the Law, their portrayal is completely unrealistic and I had a lot of trouble taking your story seriously, mainly because of this last issue alone. I would strongly suggest fixing these issues.
7/10: Narration
In general, your writer's voice is really nice. I like the way you use words and your way of writing, my main problem with your narration of the story was that the way that your characters speak to one another is not how people truly converse. In movies, maybe it w
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