Road of Trust
written by daydreamer23
reviewed by -Tigress-

Title: 7/10
I am not sure how fitting the title is to the story, since we haven't really gotten to see any building of trust as is implied. I will grant that it is a unique title, though, as well as being very adverturesome. It is a title that would make me want to check it out at the very least. Make sure to build more trust and a deeper setting for your story, however, to be sure that the title fits it well.

Plot: 19/35

                3/5: Originality
                The main un-original point to you story is that you have EXO12 as Guardians with the powers that their Mama video said they had, and honestly, there are a ton of those stories. Even I have one! But your big difference is your female lead! I like how your main protagonist is a child and not a love interest for one of the boys. Do not go the typical route and have her suddenly grow up and one of them fall in love! As it is your story is so much more unique than most EXO-Guardian ones!

                6/10: Believability
                A seven year old doing all the things she did is not completely unbelievable given that you have reasons and explanations for it. I very much appreciate that! However, the way that everything is unfolding (i.e. the multitude of fights, the way the adults act, the way all of the characters interact) make the story hard to take seriously. Fixing your characterization and slowing the events down will help a lot, but the biggest help you can give your story right now is to have a coherent story line. More on that in a moment.

                5/10: Narration
                Your narration style is hard to read, only partly because of the fact that you have man instances of repetition with your words ("Watch out," Jongin yelled out. OR Only Lan was the only person). Use different words to explain things, never the same words in the same sentence. You don't even want to use the same words in a paragraph if possible (i.e. "Watch out," Jongin shouted. OR Lan was the only person). 
Your story would highly benefit from less dialogue, more description. This will also help with the speed of your story flow!

Instead of:
"You boys got everything right?" Faela talks to Junmyeon and Kris.
"Yeah, just need to make a head count." Junmyeon turns around, mentally jotting down who is here and who is not. "Hey where's Baekhyun — oh, he's with Tao; Kyungsoo is there, Yixing is with Sehun...and Areum is there."
Areum is calmly sitting in place, in her dragon form already, where she is being prepped for the short flight.
“Everyone’s here.” Kris helps scout out.
"Ok then, let's get the show on the road!" Faela walks towards Areum, who raises her head and bows.
"Hey, I hope things work out between you and the boys. Don't hurt yourself out there or Lan and Daena are gonna have my head."

Try this:
"You boys got everything right?" Faela asked Junmyeon and Kris, wringing her hands as she glanced around the room once again.
"Yeah, just need to make a head count." Junmyeon told her with a smile. He gave a quick glance around, me