Phoenix in Stone
written by Amalya
reviewed by SouthWest

Title: 10/10
‘Phoenix in Stone’ presents a great image.  A great contrast as well.  A Phoenix represents fire and flight while stone represents earth and immobility.  That contrast hints at a conflict before we even get to the story.  I think that’s awesome and it makes for a great title.

However, I can’t help but wish that you had a title that represented her breaking free of the stone.  Because, yes, her being in stone is the conflict of the story, but the theme is more about her remembering who she is and breaking free.  She isn’t in stone anymore by the end of the story, so the title is no longer applicable.  I’m not sure this is really a problem, so I’m not going to take points off.  I just wanted to throw out my opinion.

Plot: 31/35

                5/5: Originality
                Definitely original.  After I read the story, I went and watched the MV you said inspired it.  I really like what you did with it.  The images you kept and added to your story (the dust motes and the shadows/monsters beyond, the mirror, the cracks in her skin), but you also made some key differences, that I thought really added to the story (changing the prison from glass to stone, the people that help her break free actually appearing before her, her fear of touching the floor, the jewelry helping her remember). 

                8/10: Believability
                Mostly, I thought you did a wonderful job introducing us to this world and making it believable.  The short summary of this new world/realm that you included in the Forewords, was definitely necessary for the reader to understand the world and I thought you did a good job writing it.  It’s short and to the point, but right away it places the reader in the world. 

One issue though, the passage of time and her memory of it tripped me up in the beginning.  You make it seem as if she feels like she’s been there for an eternity, but has she really?  Does she sleep at all?  How does she spend her time?  How does time pass for her?  Is she even aware of how long she’s been there?  At the start of the second chapter, I got the impression at some point it’s like her mind is wiped.  She’s exactly like she was at the beginning of the first chapter: she’s scared of the floor and remembers that the floor burnt her feet, but doesn’t recognize the necklace at first.  But now, there’s evidence of what happened in the chapter before (burned feet and the necklace).  I really liked that.  But it made the beginning of the first chapter more confusing.  If she remembers the entirety of her time there, hasn’t she gotten tired of looking at herself in the mirror?  What does she do with herself after being there for so long?  Or is it more like short term mem