His Eidolon
written by Amalya
reviewed by SouthWest

Title: 6/10
I get the feeling that you didn't put much thought into this title.  It's rather simple.  It fits, but I don't see how it represents the theme of the story (though I'm not sure what that is either).  This title might be more fitting if I knew what an Eidolon was.  I get glimpses and pieces throughout the story, but never a full understanding.  From what I do understand, Byunghyun may be Minsoo's Eidolon, but their relationship was unusual from the start.  I actually expected the first part of the description to be a definition of what an Eidolon is to help give the reader a better understanding of what the title meant.

Plot: 26/35

                5/5: Originality
                Definitely original.  Do you have more stories written in this world?  I totally feel like there's so much more to tell.  Both about the minor characters and about what will happen to Byunghyun and Minsoo in the future.  But also more about what happened in the past and the situations that brought them together in the first place.  I would love to read about that as it's own story. 

                8/10: Believability
                My main problem with this story was that you never fully clarify what this world is.  It's very difficult to do with a fantasy/ other world oneshot.  Your characters are all very believable and I love them, but the setting of the new world isn't there yet.  You drop a lot of hints about the world (almost more than we need) but never fully explain what we need to be able to "see" what's happening.  We don't know to know all the ins and outs of the world, we only need to know what's relavant to Byunghyun and Minsoo for the events that happen in this oneshot. 

Also, I'm confused why they disreguarded Jonghyun's warning and went out anyways.  If they can disregard the warning just because of a whim to search for reagents (which apparently they can do any night), it doesn't seem like much of a threat.  But then why did Jonghyun feel the need to warn them?  I needed more of a reason why it had to be that specific night they went out.  A reason that outweighs the threat of the active energy.  For example: they needed a flower that had to be picked on the full moon or something like that. 

                7/10: Narration
                So this is the part that kind of tripped me up.  So, the story starts with them in the "lab" and Minsoo working and we're getting all this backstory about them.  I didn't quite feel natural to me.  It felt like you knew that the readers needed this background inforomation so you threw it at us without tying it in to what's currently happening.  The transitions were relatively smooth when switching to the backstory, but I don't know why we're switching.  Is Byunghyun feeling particularly nostalgic this day and so it's him thinking back on when they met before Minsoo speaks and brings him back to the present?  If you can't tie the backst