85/100 fefedove - Danse Macabre

The Library Archives
Please Subscribe to read the full chapter

Danse Macabre
written by fefedove
reviewed by -Tigress-

 

Title: 8/10
Your title is not very original, because in fact I have reviewed two other stories with the same name! As well as the many others that are likely out there, all derived from the song itself. However, of all the stories I have reviewed with this same name, yours is the only one in which I felt that the title completely fit! Your story was truly a dance of death, with the characters merely playing out their roles in the grisly display. So well done choosing this name, despite the lack of originality!

 

Plot: 25/35

                5/5: Originality
                It's not the first assassin/mafia story I have read, especially starring EXO, but the siren side was so unique. Also, all of your twists throughout the story kept me on the edge of my seat, and by the end I was just flailing over the surprise of Minseok! I would caution, the excessive use of the names could be really confusing if the reader was not paying super close attention. Kai-Junmyeon-Kai being to son of Suho-not-really-Suho, and dating Kyungsoo-... I don't want to give away spoilers. But it was all a bit twisted and hard to keep track of.
The TWISTS though!!!! I admit, I caught on to LuHan and Kyungsoo before hand but still, the entire reveal was just amazingly done. You did a really great job with that!

                4/10: Believability
                This is where I need to nock you. Tears don't crystalize, why is Baekhyun still allowed to live with the knowledge he has, how is it possible that Kai carves his name into victims and yet people think it is a suicide, why was Kyungsoo so sloppy about the manilla envelope... there are other questions, mostly around the ease of the killings and how/why they get so close to their victims, but those were the main ones. I understand that some of the elements were necessary to the storyline (the tears) but the rest of it was just too fanciful and unbelievable.

                10/10: Narration
                Your writer's voice is amazing. I really loved the words you chose and how you narrated this story, and how large of a vocabulary you employed. Also, when you switched POVs, you kept the consistency of each person's POV (Junmyeon when in Kyungsoo's POV, etc) and it was a really nice thing to see.

                6/10: Setting
                Your setting was really nicely done while in the siren side, with the description and the whole setting of that side. The pond with Lay was such a pretty mental image! However. In the other side

Please Subscribe to read the full chapter
Like this story? Give it an Upvote!
Thank you!

Comments

You must be logged in to comment
Amalya
#1
Chapter 22: After finally finishing writing It Begins With Blood (still posting the last couple chapters), I decided to revisit the previous review. It still has just as much impact now as it did then, if not more so. There are certainly many things I could go back and change to make it more accessible to readers and more pertinent to the tags specifically listed. As I got to the end, it definitely felt even harder to juggle the people I'd introduced and to make sure they all had some sort of resolution. To the point that I'm not sure I succeeded even half as well as I intended. But I do know that with the sound critique given, the access to the polls taken, and the suggestions made in regards to how I can make it better, this is certainly a project I would like to put under the microscope again at a later point in time. Perhaps when it's not so fresh (now) and it's had a chance to settle. Writing 'The End' is always hard with any extensive piece of work and this one was no different. But I do feel I can make it better and give it a stronger direction and purpose in the future. To that end, I wanted to thank Amber_Sica again and especially you Librarian for keeping the reviews in an easily accessible archive for later perusal. It's incredibly helpful and I will be coming back to it in the future. Cheers!