78/100 -Tigress- The Dark Kingdom

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The Dark Kingdom
written by -Tigress-
reviewed by Amber_Sica

Title: 7/10
Honestly there are a lot of stories name similar to this one, so it is by no means a unique or intriguing title. The biggest redemption for it is that not only does it suit the story in that it’s a very dark kingdom (lol) but I do believe the name Darkellyun means Dark Kingdom. Interesting!

Plot: 27/35

4/5: Originality
This was a hard one for me to decide upon. I’ve read a couple of print books that have plots similar to this one and I can’t help but to wonder if you may have gotten the idea for it partly from those books (Undercover Princess, anyone?), however, I have never read a fanfic like this. So if you got the idea from those books, kudos to you for turning it into a fanfic with a beloved character. My biggest issue with your originality (and the reason for the point being taken off) was that the Prince’s identity was so easily guessed and so very cliché.

7/10: Believability
I like that you built up your world and made the characters feel like real people, but there are some things in this story that really have to be taken on faith! For instance, why, if Amber has red hair and that’s a sign, was she never recognized? Why was she trained by the Temple if only to be crowned and not made an assassin? Why didn’t the Brotherhood know of Daehyun’s sister, if they were so ‘all-knowing’? See, there are many questions that you left unanswered and that had they been answered, would have solidified your story.

8/10: Narration
For the first several chapters, you had a great voice and a really suspenseful style of writing. About halfway through the story, though, you changed that, and it became more rushed and almost, dare I say, ‘half-’. We’re friends so yes, I dare say it. Watch out for that, because when you yourself are not ‘feeling’ the story, the readers can tell. Instead of powering through it anyway, take a step back and find the enjoyment again before continuing on.

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Amalya #1 Jan 13, 2016 04:59:22

Chapter 22: After finally finishing writing It Begins With Blood (still posting the last couple chapters), I decided to revisit the previous review. It still has just as much impact now as it did then, if not more so. There are certainly many things I could go back and change to make it more accessible to readers and more pertinent to the tags specifically listed. As I got to the end, it definitely felt even harder to juggle the people I'd introduced and to make sure they all had some sort of resolution. To the point that I'm not sure I succeeded even half as well as I intended. But I do know that with the sound critique given, the access to the polls taken, and the suggestions made in regards to how I can make it better, this is certainly a project I would like to put under the microscope again at a later point in time. Perhaps when it's not so fresh (now) and it's had a chance to settle. Writing 'The End' is always hard with any extensive piece of work and this one was no different. But I do feel I can make it better and give it a stronger direction and purpose in the future. To that end, I wanted to thank Amber_Sica again and especially you Librarian for keeping the reviews in an easily accessible archive for later perusal. It's incredibly helpful and I will be coming back to it in the future. Cheers!