Title: 8/10
‘In’ should not be capitalized.  Capitalizing titles is ridiculously complicated.  This website explains it pretty well, I think.  http://www.quickanddirtytips.com/education/grammar/capitalizing-titles  Basically, if ‘in’ was the first word, it would be capitalized, but because it’s not and because it’s less than 4 letters, it’s not.

I really like this title.  It suits the story and it’s quite intriguing.  But you should use it directly in the story.  Instead you use, “A time loop.”  While it means the same time, ‘a loop in time’ flows better and if it’s the title, use it directly in the story.  At the very end, instead of saying “a time loop” say, a loop in time.  In the prologue, change “a time loop” to a loop in time.

Plot: 30/35

                5/5: Originality
                Definitely original.  I really like how abstract this story is.  Not everyone enjoys stories like this, it’s a personal preference.  But I liked it and enjoyed how original it was.

                8/10: Believability
                I questioned the believability of this story in the beginning.  I was confused with the quick switches between Mirai and Hoseok.  Then he’s yelling into the phone for the police to hurry up and I’m like, why isn’t he getting out of the car and doing something himself?

Then there’s the great imagery with the butterflies and time stopped and rewinding and it suspended my disbelief.  In that moment I knew this story wasn’t going to all take place in reality so my believability was a bit more flexible.

One thing that really bothers me though is that I don’t know why this is happening to them.  Is their love so strong that they’re allowed to keep rewinding and such until they find a better reality?  Or are they being punished for something?  Destined to live reality/dream after reality/dream where they’re not allowed to be together?  What’s the purpose of all of this?

                9/10: Narration
                The whole calling the police thing wasn’t quite believable.  The whole time warp thing was confusing.  I’m really not sure what happened.  It threw me off at first that you switch back and forth so quickly between them.  But you’re so consistent with it that I got used to it quickly and didn’t notice it again.  But consider staying with one character for longer.  Being in close on Mirai until the gunman approaches her and then end right before he starts shooting (or rig