67/100 NatsumiKenjii - My Guardian Angel

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My guardian angel
written by NatsumiKenjii
reviewed by -Tigress-

Title: 7/10
Remember to capitalize the first letter of each word in your titles. Even if they are a quote of something that is said in the story, titles must always be capitalized (i.e. My Guardian Angel).
As for originality, there are a lot of stories with the name "My Guardian Angel" or "Your Guardian Angel" or other such things. I understand that it has a bit to do with your story but I would suggest coming up with a more original title.

Plot: 18/35

2/5: Originality
I gotta say, there is not a lot of originality within this. However, I did like how you used the resemblence between Sulli and Taemin to make your point a little more original. That is nicely done and it was unexpected! I would like to see more twists, though, things that really make this story stand out as something all your own!

10/10: Believability
All in all there were no things that stood out as being unbelievable. It's a very typical story and yet it was cute and it all came across as being very well done in terms of believable events and story. =)

3/10: Narration
Don't use ... to end a sentence and begin a new one. Occasionally it can be accepted as a way to end a drawn out thought (i.e. 'but what if...') but never in place of a full stop. It was honestly the first thing I noticed about your story and it was really hard for me to read past that.
Beyond that, the narration was really rambling and hard to find a direction. Instead of feeling like a coherent story, it felt like I was listening to someone just ramble about their life. You need to make sure that each character is telling the story from their POV as a STORY, not as just random thoughts to string together and eventually come to your point. Also, simply my opinion, but I think that your story would be better told from a singular point of view, instead of trying to write from both of theirs while explaining both of their feelings. Taemin's POV feels a lot more real to me than Minho's

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Amalya #1 Jan 13, 2016 04:59:22

Chapter 22: After finally finishing writing It Begins With Blood (still posting the last couple chapters), I decided to revisit the previous review. It still has just as much impact now as it did then, if not more so. There are certainly many things I could go back and change to make it more accessible to readers and more pertinent to the tags specifically listed. As I got to the end, it definitely felt even harder to juggle the people I'd introduced and to make sure they all had some sort of resolution. To the point that I'm not sure I succeeded even half as well as I intended. But I do know that with the sound critique given, the access to the polls taken, and the suggestions made in regards to how I can make it better, this is certainly a project I would like to put under the microscope again at a later point in time. Perhaps when it's not so fresh (now) and it's had a chance to settle. Writing 'The End' is always hard with any extensive piece of work and this one was no different. But I do feel I can make it better and give it a stronger direction and purpose in the future. To that end, I wanted to thank Amber_Sica again and especially you Librarian for keeping the reviews in an easily accessible archive for later perusal. It's incredibly helpful and I will be coming back to it in the future. Cheers!