Dark Ties
written by Nictaeny9
reviewed by Amber_Sica

Title: 6/10
What is so dark about their ties? The title is misleading; it sounds like it is depicting that the two girls would have some dark thing in the past tying them together (i.e. something horrible happened that only they know about). I understand what you mean for the title to say but it doesn't entirely fit. 

Plot: 20/35

                3/5: Originality
                Honestly this story is not very original; many stories portray the lead character(s) with uncaring parents and taking solace in another similar to them. I did, however, really enjoy how you've given this story a few unexpected twists. Adding more would make the story even more original and keep readers from guessing your end-game.

                5/10: Believability
                First off, the story is really too fast. The progression of events not only keeps your characters from a good development but also keeps your story from being believable. Also, the way that you portray Jessica and Taeyeon's situations is entirely unbelievable. Making them more average, teen girls would be so much better.

                5/10: Narration
                You have a lot of grammar issues that I will go over in that section, so while your writer's voice is nice, the grammar was impossible to ignore.

                7/10: Setting
                I like your setting well enough; there is nothing special about it but I appreciate that you keep it consistent and keep in mind where your characters are and what their surrounding are. Adding more description to your setting and to the surroundings of the characters will help your story to come to life even more.

Characterization: 22/35

                5/10: Development
                This is another area that really suffered from the speed of your progression. The characters seem like they would have so much to build upon, especially the pasts that you have given them, but the problem is that you do not give enough time for them to build. In the very first chapter you talk about how Taeyeon is cold and uncaring but in the same chapter she is spilling her heart to a stranger. Write out a slower progression into their relationship/friendship and it will give your characters so much more depth.

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