72/100 Himdaelo - Tomorrow

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Tomorrow
written by Himdaelo
reviewed by -Tigress-

Title: 6/10
It is a very simplistic title, with a hint of longing for the next day. I wish there'd been more emphasis on the longing to see Jimin 'tomorrow' in the story though. It seemed to me that it was a good title for what the story COULD have been, but since there doesn't seem to be any emphasis on the following day at all, it doesn't fit so well.

Plot: 22/35

5/5: Originality
Nicely done, I can honestly say that while I've read stories like this before, there were none that incorporated the twists that you did (the string, the having to leave, etc). It's not the type of story I typically read but it was very cute and nicely written.

                4/10: Believability
  There were an awful lot of cute happenstance... the deja vu on the rooftop, Taehyung falling ill when Yoongi happens to fall asleep, them both falling asleep at Yoongi's house, Suga being Taehyung's dog, etc. Keeping them simply at work and letting their relationship build without all the unlikely happenings would have been much better. As I will mention furhter down in the review, changing the end to be one OR the either would be better. Then you could use the rest of your story to build where you want to go. For instance, if you end it with Jimin, then keep Yoongi+Taehyung at work only, no other meetings etc. If you end it with Taehyung, have them work together on projects more closely so that they get to know each other on a personal level.

   8/10: Narration
I really like the way that you narrated this story, there were no abrupt POV switches and you kept it consistent and neat. Watch out for using too many romanized Korean words in your story, though. Your story is obviously not in Korean, so there is no need to add those in.

5/10: Setting
I would really like more setting. What does Yoongi do for a job? What kind of house does he live in? Does Taehyung live closeby, since they share the same park? Little details like that will bring it more to life. As it is, I really noticed the lack of an actual job title throughout the story. It's kept so vague that it is really noticable. Also, the thing that stood out to me the most. How did Jimin die and why does Taehyung

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Amalya #1 Jan 13, 2016 04:59:22

Chapter 22: After finally finishing writing It Begins With Blood (still posting the last couple chapters), I decided to revisit the previous review. It still has just as much impact now as it did then, if not more so. There are certainly many things I could go back and change to make it more accessible to readers and more pertinent to the tags specifically listed. As I got to the end, it definitely felt even harder to juggle the people I'd introduced and to make sure they all had some sort of resolution. To the point that I'm not sure I succeeded even half as well as I intended. But I do know that with the sound critique given, the access to the polls taken, and the suggestions made in regards to how I can make it better, this is certainly a project I would like to put under the microscope again at a later point in time. Perhaps when it's not so fresh (now) and it's had a chance to settle. Writing 'The End' is always hard with any extensive piece of work and this one was no different. But I do feel I can make it better and give it a stronger direction and purpose in the future. To that end, I wanted to thank Amber_Sica again and especially you Librarian for keeping the reviews in an easily accessible archive for later perusal. It's incredibly helpful and I will be coming back to it in the future. Cheers!