85/100 baobei-- A Flower in the Ocean

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A Flower in the Ocean
written by baobei--
reviewed by Amber_Sica

Title: 10/10
What I really like about your title is that you pulled so many nuance from your story into it. There were many ways that he was like this flower in the ocean, and the ways that you described it were beautifully done.

Plot: 29/35

5/5: Originality
Can I admit? I thought that this was yet another of those 'leaving the band' fics that it seems one out of every ten EXO stories is nowadays. I cannot even begin to describe my shock when he arrived home finally and the whole truth was revealed. Great job with the originality, I truly NEVER would have guessed! I loved your twist! In the ocean (pardon the pun) of EXO stories on here, this is one actually worth the read.

9/10: Believability
If my initial suspicion had been proven true, then this story would be kind of cliche and so overdone that it lost its believability. However, once again, you've done such a great job in the uniqueness of the twist that yes, I totally found it believable. My one issue with it was that I don't think there was any way Kris could have avoided coming to the hospital in all that time, but I do understand why you HAD to keep him away for the sake of the twist.

8/10: Narration
You have a beautiful writer's voice. Let me tell you, I do not read EXO stories. I don't enjoy them. Your opening paragraph, though, would have had me hooked, line and sinker, had I somehow stumbled across it without the review shop. You have a great way of describing the emotions of the character and using all these beautiful metaphors that just paint the story in an artistic way! My issues in this section were the mass amount of punctuation errors you had within the story, which, despite your beautiful voice, stilted the narration.

7/10: Setting
There wasn't a lot of setting in your story, I would have appreciated more description in it. I can understand that you wanted to keep in minimalistic and inside of Luhan's head, but adding in what the rooms looked like, what the house looked like, etc would have made it come to life a lot more.

Characterization: 33/35

8/10: Development

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Amalya #1 Jan 13, 2016 04:59:22

Chapter 22: After finally finishing writing It Begins With Blood (still posting the last couple chapters), I decided to revisit the previous review. It still has just as much impact now as it did then, if not more so. There are certainly many things I could go back and change to make it more accessible to readers and more pertinent to the tags specifically listed. As I got to the end, it definitely felt even harder to juggle the people I'd introduced and to make sure they all had some sort of resolution. To the point that I'm not sure I succeeded even half as well as I intended. But I do know that with the sound critique given, the access to the polls taken, and the suggestions made in regards to how I can make it better, this is certainly a project I would like to put under the microscope again at a later point in time. Perhaps when it's not so fresh (now) and it's had a chance to settle. Writing 'The End' is always hard with any extensive piece of work and this one was no different. But I do feel I can make it better and give it a stronger direction and purpose in the future. To that end, I wanted to thank Amber_Sica again and especially you Librarian for keeping the reviews in an easily accessible archive for later perusal. It's incredibly helpful and I will be coming back to it in the future. Cheers!