76/100 redocean- - away from the shadows, destroyed by the light

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away from the shadows, destroyed by the light
written by redocean-
reviewed by LovelaceStranger

Title: 7/10
Honestly, the length of the title doesn’t appeal to me. It makes sense once you’ve actually finished the story, but I feel that it could have been worded better. Also, the name isn’t catchy, so it would be harder to recommend.

Plot: 28/35

5/5: Originality
For an angst oneshot where one part of the couple dies then the other one follows afterward, this is fairly common. On the other hand, you have a more realistic output compared to others which in turn makes the story pretty original.

6/10: Believability
I admit, there are a lot of questions I had in turns of believability. I mean, what are the odds that two people with issues in the past end up falling in love? I’m actually not sure. Quite frankly, this story touches base with many aspects of insecurities, denial, and attempts in righting wrongs, but how? The first few sections are filled with fluff and give off the “perfect couple” atmosphere, but after that, the PTSD kicks in. Furthermore, Kai has apparently been dealing with Krystal’s fears, trying to suppress her memories of who knows what. Why doesn’t he show more frustration towards her? If he did, then it would be understandable when Krystal was crying randomly in the middle of the night.
There’s also the issue that I find quite common with oneshots, details. Dear author, I understand the struggles of writing and you’ve written this piece beautifully, but how did these two meet? How did Kai react during Krystal’s first breakdown in front of him? What happened to Krystal to make her like this? What about Kai’s cutting, how did it start? You’ve left a lot of holes that may spark the curiosity of readers, but also confuse them. A lot of things came out as if it just happened, no reasoning whatsoever, but I know that there’s more to it. I feel like a parent asking their child for the full story, which in turn contributes to the lack of realism.
One more thing. It’s difficult to believe that you randomly bump into your ex girlfriend in the bar and she’s the one giving you the wake up slap. I can understand that Sulli was probably added for dramatic effect; however, she w

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Amalya #1 Jan 13, 2016 04:59:22

Chapter 22: After finally finishing writing It Begins With Blood (still posting the last couple chapters), I decided to revisit the previous review. It still has just as much impact now as it did then, if not more so. There are certainly many things I could go back and change to make it more accessible to readers and more pertinent to the tags specifically listed. As I got to the end, it definitely felt even harder to juggle the people I'd introduced and to make sure they all had some sort of resolution. To the point that I'm not sure I succeeded even half as well as I intended. But I do know that with the sound critique given, the access to the polls taken, and the suggestions made in regards to how I can make it better, this is certainly a project I would like to put under the microscope again at a later point in time. Perhaps when it's not so fresh (now) and it's had a chance to settle. Writing 'The End' is always hard with any extensive piece of work and this one was no different. But I do feel I can make it better and give it a stronger direction and purpose in the future. To that end, I wanted to thank Amber_Sica again and especially you Librarian for keeping the reviews in an easily accessible archive for later perusal. It's incredibly helpful and I will be coming back to it in the future. Cheers!