When in a relationship, a real doesn’t make his woman jealous of others.

27^th December 2013

Laying on his bed, Luhan could not sleep despite having been awake for more than 12 hours. It had been the case ever since he shifted back to Korea and he no longer force himself to sleep anymore. He would take the time he had on the bed to text about Bixue. If she is asleep, he would just think about her and that is when he knows he is in love with her because he can see her face when he closes his eyes. When he can still feel her arms around him, holding him tightly after his long return and when he can still taste their kiss even after they had said goodbye. Her voice still lingers in his head and her name sends chills down his spine.

Although her presence never fails to ease any pain of his, the appearance at the fansign that day affected him deeply. He would never forget her reddened face from the cold winter and that pair of eyes that was so clear that he could only see himself in it. His heart aches because she had to do this but he loves her continuously, intensely and he swore he would treat her better. He was always reminded of how much trust and love she had for him and every reminder deepened his guilt.

Earlier this year, he thought the drinking session between the ex-BabyVox members was a pure senior and junior interacting session but when he went there, he did not like what he was going to do or was supposed to do. To drink with the girls and have them continously praising their good looks was simply suggestive for something more. He was not stupid and he was glad that he managed that things did not escalate more than that but he did not expect the photos to be leaked. And he was worried about what Bixue would think then.

“Xue? Are you asleep?” He asked urgently when she picked up his phone.

“Nope. Why are you still up?” Her soft and gentle voice rang through the opposite end of the line and it pricked Luhan’s guilt even more.

“I.. have something to tell you.” Luhan was not going to lie or come up with excuses to lie to Bixue. He would never do anything to hurt her. “It’s about…”

“The drinking photos?” Bixue guessed it almost right away.

“Uhm. It’s not what you think it is. We simply just drank because they are our seniors. They requested for a selca and I just took it with them. I have nothing to do with any of the girls.. we.. we didn’t do anything more other than having a drink.” Luhan explained. “I’m still yours Xue..”

However, the growing silence at the other end of the line was making him worried.

“Xue? Are.. you mad? I’m.. so so sorry..”

“Luhan, I believe you.” Bixue broke the silence when she heard Luhan panicking. “You know I always will. I had never doubt your love for me.”

With a lump at the back of his throat, Luhan blinked his tears away as he choked out. “Thank you.”

Halfway through his thoughts, he heard a knock on the door.

“Come in.” Luhan sat up and he saw Sehun returning to their room with their manager behind him.

“You have a schedule tonight.” His manager told him with a firm voice.

“Tonight?” Luhan clearly remember that they had nothing on tonight till tomorrow morning so he looked at Sehun weirdly but the latter just looked away.  “With who?”

“Just you.”

“Me? But.. my Korean isn’t that good.. I can’t speak that well compared to Baekhyun and Chanyeol..”

“Its not a broadcast Luhan.” The manager told him. “Tonight you are spending the night with someone.”

“As of this morning, growl is about 800,000 copies away from a million and she said that she can help you guys create history.”

“In exchange, she wants a night with you.”

Sitting still on his bed, Luhan let the word sink into him. From his previous experience, he knew exactly what this meant and he could not believe that he was not given a choice. From his manager’s words, it was considered as part of his job, included in his contract. He had no rights to reject.

“Don’t be so shock. Nothing in this industry comes easily. To get that showtime slot, Sehun and Kai had the most credit.” The manager explained and Luhan turned to look at Sehun in disbelief. Sehun had never tell him anything before and he had no idea that s had been doing such stuff.

“You were too shy with BabyVox the other day so they chose Xiumin instead. They scared you were inexperience.” The manager went on and Luhan was too shocked to speak. When Xiumin chose to stay on with them, he did not imagine that it was because of this reason.

“Either way, today you better buck up. The company really needs her so Sehun you can teach him or get him to watch some videos to brush up his skills understand?”

Sehun answered softly and the manager left the room, leaving Luhan and Sehun alone in silence.

After a while, Luhan finally found his voice. “You did it?”

“Do what?” Sehun asked.

“You slept with someone in exchange for those endorsements?”

Sehun nodded his head and Luhan buried his head into his hands. He could not bring himself to believe this – the things s had been doing and the thing he had to do. To him, being an artist simply meant singing and dancing. He thought that all that ever needed was to deliver a good performance and he would be a good artist but he had never expect that the entertainment industry was this dark.

“It’s not like we have a choice anyway. Whatever the company wants us to do, we have to.” Sehun went on with a down voice. “It’s just unlucky that the endorsement people chose us.”

“You mean other members had been doing it too?” Luhan just had to ask again.

“Kris Hyung does it quite often. He likes it apparently and he is goodlooking so most of the time the girls don’t mind if its him.”

Running his hand through his hair in frustration, Luhan bit his lower lips helplessly. He was angry but there was nothing he could do to change his fate. What was he going to do? What was he going to tell Bixue that he has to sleep with another woman because of his job? How would that make Bixue feel?

“This girl doesn’t want anyone else other than you. I tried to volunteer to manager hyung but she doesn’t want me. Not even Kris Hyung.” Sehun added. “I’m sorry hyung. I know you are attached…”

“No it’s okay.” Luhan interrupted. As much as he did not want to do it, he did not want s to do it for him either, especially Sehun. He is still so young and he has yet to find his true love. Grabbing his towel, he headed to the bathroom. Letting the cold water hit him, he needed to some time alone to think about this whole issue again.

And before he finally stepped out of the black van to the hotel that was before him, he had decided.

“Hyung, can I have 5 minutes alone time?” Luhan begged and the manager agreed by alighting from the van.

[To: Xue]

Can I call and tell you I love you and goodnight?

I wanna hear your voice before I go to bed.

Within seconds, he received a reply.

[From: Xue]

Of course.

“What are you doing?” Luhan asked the girl softly as he leaned his head heavily on the tinted glass.

“Preparing to sleep.” Bixue replied. “You?”

“I’m preparing to sleep too.” Luhan closed his eyes. He knew that words can hurt but sometimes it’s the words he never got to say that hurt the most. But it was okay, he would rather hurt himself than Bixue. She is the best thing that ever happened to her, he is sorry that he is the worst thing that ever happened to her.

“That’s good. You sound really tired.”

“I… am.” Suddenly, he was tired of his current life; as an idol, as an artist.

“Go and sleep then. I will talk to you tomorrow.”

“Uhm…”

“What’s wrong?” Bixue asked when Luhan did not hang up the phone.

“Xue.. I’ll always love you, I want you to know that. I’ll always love you, I’ll always love you, I’ll always love you.” For the first time in many years, Luhan’s tears trickled down his cheeks as he stifled a sniff. He could never undo the things that was going to happen but that did not change the fact that he is and will forever be in love with Bixue.

“Are you okay? Please don’t scare me..” It was as though Bixue could feel him from the other end of the line.

Forcing a chuckle, Luhan replied with a bitter smile. “I’m alright, I.. just don’t know how else to express it other than saying it this way.”

“Uhmm.. alright. I love you too.” Bixue replied but was interrupted before she could hang up the phone.

“One more thing Xue..”

“I’ll be back so soon that you won’t have time to miss me. Look after my heart, I’ve left it with you.”

This time, it earned a chuckle from Bixue. It was her first time hearing such flowery words from Luhan and she found it cute. With a hum, she hung up the phone and Luhan wiped away his tears. He checked his reflection for the last time and pulled a cap and mask over his face, and walked out of the car.

When they finally stopped outside a door, his manager passed him a card that he took it with shaky hands. With a tap, he pushed open the door and watched the door closed behind him. And that moment he realized, relationship is not about the kissing, holding hands, the dates, the or the showing off. It’s about being with someone who makes him happy in a way that no one else can. It’s about being with someone who accepts him and his weirdness, not his good looks. It’s about being himself around them and they can be themselves around him.

And that was with Bixue. 

But tonight, he was not going to be with the other her.

Hi guys! It's been a long time right? I hope you guys did not forget about me or my stories!

Although I had ended my exchange, I'm spending some time in Seoul alone to explore and wells, think about my life. I've sent out a couple of resumes from Seoul to SG and hopefully I will land a job that I like. Currently, I'm in my loft apartment alone because my roomies just left me. Both of them had returned to SG already! So yea, I manage to write up a chapter! I guess I will be more free these few days (I hope) and I can write a few more chapters before my parents come to Seoul and I will have a crazy week!

If you guys have any questions about Seoul exchange or like Seoul life, do feel free to ask me! I guess I live here long enough to give some comments. Hahah.

In addition, this chapter is the reason to why I wrote this story. I had this scene in my head and I can't believe I wrote 35 chapters before I reach here. I'm really long winded mannnn. 

Nonetheless, enjoy this chapter and I hope my writing standard did not drop!