People will notice the change in your attitude towards them, but wont notice their behavior that made you change.

11^th December 2007

The school bell of Beijing Haidian Art Vocational School rang and the school became lively immediately with students running out of the classroom excitedly. Contrary to the everyone’s behaviour, a girl sat in front of her sketchboard, calmly sketching her work. Her hands swiftly moving the canvas sheet, a majestic infrastructure was beautifully sketched out. It didn’t matter to her that class had ended. She didn’t see a need to rush anymore because it made no difference if she left class earlier or not.

“Bixue.” A girl walked up to her with her bag slung over her back and Bixue looked up at her, blinking her black round eyes at her without saying a word. They had been classmates for almost 2 years but she had not talked to her.

“Let’s work hard for our first project together.”

Bixue looked at the hand she stuck out, contemplating if she should shake it and tell her the same thing. That moment, she swore she could hear Luhan nagging at how she should be making new friends and she smiled softly; but it was a different kind. Her face smiled but her eyes didn’t.

Sticking her hand out slowly, Bixue grabbed the girl’s hand lightly. “Let’s work hard together.”

Her sweet and gentle voice gave her partner quite a shock for it was the first time she heard her voice. But before she could continue the conversation further, the girl had went back to her quiet self as she packed up her stuff and plugged her earphones into her ears and walked out of the classroom.

When she stepped out of the school gate, she looked over at the spot instinctively. It felt like it was only yesterday that the boy with the white and grey uniform would be leaning aainst the wall with his hands in his pocket as he waited for her. She knew that Luhan would not be there but a part of her still wished that he would be there.

It had been half a year since Luhan last came to her school and it had been a month since she last saw him. They used to be closer than this but now his life no longer revolved around her. Qian Ya was at the centre of his life and all Bixue could do was hope that he wouldn’t tell her the same things he used to her.

She hopes that she was at least that special to him because he was the best thing that ever happened to her and she prays everyday that he wouldn’t leave her.

Even without Luhan, she still insisted on taking the bus home alone. It was a habit that Luhan and her had cultivated together and there was no way she would give up. Each day without her best friend hurts more and she didn’t know how much more she could take; Luhan changed and his promises are broken.

As she sat at the bus stop, her phone in her pocket vibrated and she pulled it out right away.

[From: Luhan]

Wanna meet? We are going to have lunch at your favourite dumpling place.

A text from him was sufficient to chase away a month’s worth of heavy feeling as she smiled and ran across the road happily to board the bus that would bring her to his school. The bus ride to his school seemed to be longer than usual as she kept peering out of the window. She couldn’t care less how she had an assignment to hand in the next day. She was willing to burn midnight oil to see her best friend.

From the reflection, she saw her face turning all red from bracing the cold winter without a scarf but it didn’t stop her from smiling. Pulling the doors of the eatery excitedly, Bixue let out a breath and adjusted her messy hair in place before walking in. Even with his back facing her, she could recognize Luhan right away. She walked towards them quickly, smiling from ear to ear.

Then she stopped.

Her eyes were fixed on the figure in the reflection; the short-haired girl that Luhan had wanted her to meet but she refused every single time; Qian Ya. She sat beside Luhan, laughing loudly as Laogao cracked a joke. Half a year ago, she was sitting at the same spot and she could still remember how Luhan would look at her softly with his doe eyes turning into crescents. But now, Luhan wore an even blissful smile that Bixue had never seen before. It was so foreign that she felt like she didn’t know him at all.

Biting her lower lips, Bixue turned around slowly. She is a very jealous person and she hates it. She didn’t like the feeling of being unwanted or being just second best. And she’s not a very competitive person to begin with. Now that she saw how Qian Ya made Luhan a lot happier than she could, she backed out immediately because she knows Luhan wants her a lot more. Although it hurts her seeing someone else than her making him happy, she would leave it to her to keep him entertained. Her jealousy won’t make her want him more, it will only push herself away from him.

“Bixue?” A voice called her and she stopped after taking the first step, regretting not leaving sooner. “Bixue!”

Turning around slowly, she forced out a smile and walked towards the table. Her eyes landing on Luhan who just realized her presence. It wasn’t him who realized she had arrived. “Hi.”

“Where were you going! Don’t tell me you are gonna leave!” Laogao protested.

“I.. was going to order my food.” Bixue lied as she waited for Luhan to offer the seat beside him like usual, but he didn’t move an inch. Instead he pulled out Qian Ya’s hand that was near him.

“Xue! This is Qian Ya. My classmate.”

The girl nodded her head at her, “Hello. Nice to meet you. I’m Qian Ya.”

Bixue looked at the hand that Qian Ya had extended, wondering if she should shake it. She knew Luhan wasn’t aware of her achievement of making friends in school so he wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t shake her hand. However, when she saw how Luhan was looking at her with his anticipating eyes, she gave in right away.

“Nice to meet you too.” She shook her hand gently and took the empty seat beside Laogao, not wanting to talk any further.

After the formal introduction, the group went back to their conversation that Bixue could barely understand. She dazed in and out of the conversation and she couldn’t focus on one single thing. She looked at Luhan, hoping for him to look back at her but when their eyes met, she looked away because she didn’t want him to see how much she missed him. Luhan’s smile was gradually becoming too bright to watch and she hates herself for being sad when she saw him smiling like this. Even though she was laughing and smiling with the group, it almost felt like she was not there and she didn’t even know what was wrong with her.

“Are you okay?” Luhan asked Bixue when she didn’t say a word.

“Uh, yeah. Kind of.” Bixue muttered, realizing that Luhan didn’t sound as concern as he used to. She knew she got way too sensitive but when she gets attached to someone, she can detect the slight change in the tone of their voice and spend all day trying to figure out what she did wrong. Like now.

“Actually.. I got an assignment I need to hand in tomorrow and I’m not done.”

“Tomorrow?” Luhan looked her way and she felt her heart skipped a beat. “Oh no, your assignment takes hours to finish.”

“Do you want to go back first?”

Nodding her head, Bixue grabbed her canvas bag and stood up. She couldn’t wait to leave the place and now that Luhan had asked her to go, all the more she didn’t want to stay.

“Bye everyone.”

With that, she pushed open the doors of the eatery and walked towards the bus stop. The cold air numbed her face right away. She didn’t hear Luhan stopping her or chasing after her so he could send her home. He used to do that all the time but she guessed everything was in the past now. Sitting at the bus stop, she watched her bus drove past but her feet was too tired to chase after it. Pulling out her phone, she dialed her driver’s number to fetch her before staring into empty space.

Taking a bus home had also became a past.

For her. 

Sigh, my school holidays are ending in like 3 weeks?

I am dreading to begin my final year in uni. I don't want to write my 7k words dissertation and I don't want to do assignments and exams!!

I just want to be a sloth like Sehun. Hahahaha.

Enjoy!