Sometimetimes you need to step outside, get some air, and remind yourself of who you are and who you want to be.

29^th September 2009

“Young Mistress, it’s your birthday in 2 days. How do you want to celebrate it this year?” Bao-ma asked the girl as she placed the dishes on the dining table.

Upon hearing her birthday being mentioned, Bixue’s hands that was wrapped around the chopsticks hung in midair when she reached for the food. Her thoughts flew back to the past on how Luhan and her would spend the day together. Every year without fail, he would bring her to the art supply store, letting her pick whatever she likes before paying for everything she had chosen. Looking back, she had almost picked everything in that small store that held all of their memories, from pencils to art books and she mentally imagined what she would choose this year if Luhan was still around.

“Don’t bother about it Bao-ma. I don’t want to celebrate.” Bixue replied simply before picking a few grains of rice and put it into . There was no point in celebrating her birthday without Luhan and the thought of him not by her side made her lose her initial appetite.

“But it’s your birthday Young Mistress. Please let me at least get you a cake?”

“Just make me Mian Xian will do.” Placing her chopsticks on the table, Bixue told Bao-ma as she stood up, ready to return her room.

“Young Mistress..you haven’t…” Before Bao-ma could finish her words, a figure appeared in the dining table and she bowed politely. “Old Master.”

“Bixue.” Mr Zhang looked at his daughter before him and he couldn’t believe that she would be turning 19 in a few days. The little girl has now grown up to a fine young lady, resembling her mother entirely. “It’s your birthday in 2 days, let’s eat out.”

Bixue looked up at her father, unable to believe her ears. In her memory, her father had never celebrated her birthday with her. It was all organized by her step-mother whom she assumed had loved her when all she wanted was to get on the good side of her father. Other than Luhan, she had never celebrated her birthday with anyone who wanted to celebrate for her wholeheartedly and she was so surprised by her father’s words that she couldn’t bring herself to react.

“Dress up nicely on that day. I will be bringing some guests along.”

“Guests?” Bixue asked softly, her eyebrows furrowing a little. “Who?”

“Uncle Xu and his son.”

Bixue’s eyebrow relaxed, her face showed no expression of how she was feeling because she didn’t know how she should be feeling. She was not even upset, hurt or angry anymore. She was tired, tired of pinning hopes on someone that had disappointed her time and time again. She was tired of holding onto the belief that her father still loves her. She was tired of believing because he had proven her wrong every time. She was tired of getting her hopes up and being disappointed again.

Because if her father loves her, he wouldn’t arrange a blind date with Uncle Xu’s son on her birthday.

“Are you trying to sell your daughter to a stranger?” She would not set fire to herself to keep her father warm. Just because Uncle Xu owned most of the hospitals in China didn’t mean that her father could marry her off to seal a pharmaceautical business in exchange.

“How dare you talk to me like that!” Mr Zhang raised his voice angrily but a smirk spread across Bixue’s expressionless face. She found it funny how her father used to beg her to talk, bringing her all over the country to seek for a cure and nearly sending her to a mute school to receive treatment just so she would open to talk to him. But now that she had, he didn’t like what she had said. How ironic.

During that period no one ever found out what was happening inside her. How the pain was eating her away. No one ever came to her rescue or stood up for her, until Luhan came along. He used to tell her that she is a Disney princess who is just currently in the sad part of her feature film and it’s going to be okay. And it did. Because of him.

“I’m not going.” Walking pass her father, Bixue headed towards the stairs, leaving Bao-ma and the servants trembling at the intense quarrel the father and daughter had for the first time.

“No matter what Xu Feng will be your future husband! You might as well meet him earlier!”

Slamming her door shut, Bixue sat in front of her drawing. In front of her was a sketch of a very beautiful house. It was a 2 storey building with a very simple yet classy design but the windows and doors were still not drawn. She looked at the unfinished drawing and ran her hands over it gently.

Earlier this morning, her homeroom teacher approached her when she saw her unfinished drawing. She told her about a competition organized by a local real estate, encouraging aspiring architects to send in their design for a landed property. The winner would get a large sum of money and their design would be built on the few properties they had just bought. Initially, it didn’t tempt Bixue in anyway because she had never liked participating in such things but right now, she felt that she had to.

Her father was going to marry her off to a guy she had never seen before and she realize that she had to do something. She has a whole life ahead of her. She had to be smart, study hard, be independent and rely on herself. No matter what others may steal from her, they can never take away her knowledge and skill so she must make her own life outside this home. But firstly, she needed to be financially independent. Only when she had achieved that then she get out of this house and maybe, run away from the marriage.

At the same time, she could also fulfull what she had promised Luhan; to go for something that she likes. Since the phonecall with Luhan a few days ago, she had been hoping that she could shrink herself through his blood cells and remove whatever that makes him hurt but she could not because she is too weak to be his cure.

So from now onwards, she would be strong for him by letting him live his life while she lives hers for him.

That moment, the determination to win the competition grew as Bixue picked up her pencil and continued sketching that unfinished drawing, her thoughts filled with images of the two people living in that house.

Because in this life, Luhan is the only person she wants to marry.

We had been focusing on Luhan for quite some time so it's about time we look at Bixue's life without him.

Some of you commented that Bixue is overly dependent on Luhan but he is the only one that saved her from her 'mute' life. That is why she is so in love with Luhan.

I just love how this chapter shows the stubborness in Bixue. Like how she is stubborn at everything else but gives in to everything Luhan says. This is probably the first time I'm writing such a submissive female lead. lol.

2 more weeks before I have my study break (to study for my exams). Hopefully I can write more this week. Meanwhile, enjoy!