The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love someone else.

22^nd April 2008

Luhan walked up the familiar flight of steps, humming a tune as he turned down the hallway on the second floor of the Zhang mansion. Along the way, some of the helpers greeted him and he nodded his head as an acknowledgement. They are used to his presence in the house and they didn’t seem too surprised to see him.

The only person who was shocked at his presence was Bao-ma. She caught sight of the boy just as she closed the door of her young mistress’s room and she widened her eyes at his appearance, he seemed to be taller than she last remembered. And definitely more good looking.

“Young Master Lu.” She bowed politely but showed no signs of moving away from the door. She was aware of what happened a few nights ago, how he did not turn up and how her young mistress had threw the food she cooked away before bawling at the dining table. The way the 18 year old girl hugged her as she cried her eyes out, tore her heart. If she hadn’t help the girl back to the room, she doubted that she could make it back herself.

“Hello Bao-ma!” Luhan ran up to her excitedly, giving her a hug. “How are you?”

“I’m good. Thanks for your concern Young Master.”

“Please don’t say that Bao-ma.” Luhan frowned at the lady. He knew how much Bixue values the lady before him and he respects her too, but, she had never been so formal with him.

However, Bao-ma couldn’t help but to treat him so indifferently. If it wasn’t for him who did not turn up for dinner that night, her young mistress wouldn’t have caught a cold. Since young, the girl has a weak body and every time she catches cold, she would have to be admitted to the hospital due to the persisting high fever.

Under the family’s care, Bixue hadn’t catch quite a cold for quite a few years but it came back a few days ago. Now that she had just returned from the hospital, the last thing Bao-ma wanted was to have Luhan make her sad again. She didn’t want to see her young mistress liking someone who didn’t like her. Her young mistress is the type of girl that can be hurt but still look at someone and smile. She had been so since she was young and she just felt unfair how someone so pretty didn’t receive any love from anyone.

“Is Xue painting inside?” Luhan asked as he took a step forward. It had been too long since he last saw her and he found himself couldn’t wait to see her.

“No, she is not. Young mistress is..” Bao-ma swallowed her words. She remembered Bixue telling her not to tell Luhan about her being sick if he calls. She didn’t want him to see her when she was at one of her worst.

With his eyebrows furrowed, Luhan pressed. “Is?”

“You will know when you go in.”

Luhan watch Bao-ma’s disappearing backview as an uneasy feeling spread through him. He opened the door to Bixue’s room quickly, not bothering to knock. And he saw his best friend whom he didn’t see for weeks, laying still in the white sheets, an IV tube beside her bed.

Walking over quietly, he stood beside her and observed her pale face. Although it wasn’t his first time seeing her this sick, he realized how he had conveniently forgotten how weak Bixue had always been. Guilt ate him when he thought of how she had brave the winter to come and have lunch with him the other time; she could have caught the flu bug then.

It was as though she felt his presence, she opened her eyes slowly and saw him staring back at her. She blinked her eyes a few times, as though his presence wasn’t real. How many times had he promised that he would come but he didn’t? She couldn’t remember and she didn’t know if the figure before her was just her dream or reality.

“Lu…..han?” Despite her swelling throat, she opened and called him out loud with much effort. She wanted to make sure it was him and she wasn’t dreaming about him again.

“Uhm?” Luhan could barely hear her voice, it was just a low whisper. He walked over and sat by her bed gently. “Don’t talk.”

Nodding her head obediently, Bixue smiled once again. She didn’t want Luhan to see her in this state. She didn’t want him to see her all sickly and weak but she couldn’t hide the fact that she was happy, happy that Luhan is here.

“Someone is back to being a sick little cat huh?” Luhan slowly helped her up so she could sit against her bed rest. When his hand touched hers, he could feel her skin burning against his.

“When… did you come?”

“Just.” Luhan smiled back at the girl, ruffling her hair gently. He knew she hated herself for always being sick and he decided to change the topic to divert their attention away. “Don’t think that you are sick I will let you go okay. I still want my birthday present.”

The mention of the birthday present made Bixue’s smile froze for a short moment. She lowered her eyes, unsure how to tell him. The hardest thing in life right now that she could ever do is telling her best friend that she is in love with him. She is risking their friendship that has build up for years just for that 1% chance that he might feel the same. But she was quite sure he doesn’t and she would lose the only person that she could vent to.

So the only thing she could do was hide her feelings behind her back, wishing they would play hide and sick for a bit; hoping they would not come back too soon or her heart would lose the game. “I…”

“Don’t talk.” Luhan scolded her before going to her desk to grab a notebook and pen.

“This will be the only time I allow you to write and talk to me.”

Bixue was more than glad for that. She couldn’t lie to him because he was so good at reading her. She wonders if he still could, but she didn’t want to risk that.

I was sick so I didn’t prepare. Sorry.

Luhan held the notebook, still wearing that gentle smile. He looked up at the girl and saw how she was avoiding his gaze. Shaking his head, he put the notebook away as he pretended to sigh disappointedly. “I don’t care. You have to give it to me when you recover.”

“As of now, you need to listen to me talk.”

Bixue nodded her head. Luhan can tell her everything about him, he can go on for hours, she didn’t mind. However, she didn’t expect his response to crush her entire body into little pieces.

“Qian Ya gave me a birthday present. See this?” Luhan shook the band that was around his wrist proudly, “She made it herself!”

“And… Xue.”

“I am going for an audition.“

“If I get pass the audition, I can become a singer and the world would know about me. And then I will be special enough to be with Qian Ya.”

“So on that day, I will go to her house and confess to her right after I get accepted into JYP!”

“You will help me right Xue?”

Clenching her covers tightly, Bixue couldn’t believe her ears. Luhan said he was not special because the world didn’t know about him, but that was an insult to Bixue. She knows about him, she knew him since they were 10. It was unfair but staring at Luhan who was wearing a smile that was so genuine and so blissful, she just want to make him smile like this for the rest of her life. Because Luhan looks the best when he is smiling like this. So even when the sadness she had been trying to hold started to break her bit by bit, she stopped herself from screaming out and nodded her head.

There was nothing she wouldn’t promise him.

Compared to other stories that have readers who are biting my stories, not one but it's getting quite a handful even in other fics of mine, this story has none. 

I know I can't expect everyone to like my stories but, this is purely fictional. Please don't get too affected by it and start thrashing like these characters exist in real life. I shall continue my rant on TLB. 

Uurgh.