大雪求你别抹去

我们在一起的痕迹。。

18^th October 2010

Luhan put down his phone and sighed, it was the 5^th time that night that Bixue did not pick up her phone. Not only was it the 5^th time that night but it was also the 3^rd week that he didn’t get to hear her voice. He has so many things to tell her, how he had finally attained his 6pac, how he had finally received his role as a second lead singer in his group and how the date for their debut showcase is set. She is the first person he wanted to tell all the good news to but he just could not.

“How is it possible that a debuting idol have more time now than when you were a trainee?”

“What’s wrong? I miss you alright.” Luhan rolled his eyes.

“Miss me my .” Laogao snorted, “Bixue must be too busy to talk to you recently or you wouldn’t call me.”

“Busy?” Luhan thought about how she hadn’t been picking up her calls and it hit him that she must be really busy. It was the first time she ignored him for so long and he had to admit, the feeling . “What is she busy with recently anyway?”

“Ayee Xiao Lu, don’t play with me. How can you not know about this.” Laogao laughed.

“Know about what??”

“The engagement of course! It’s like the biggest news in our circle of friends now you know! I mean its quite a big thing that the Zhang and the Xu family is tying the knot for the sake of their business!” Laogao exclaimed, “You are probably the first person Bixue tell it to and yet you act like you don’t know..”

“What’s this Xiao Lu..”

Luhan didn’t know what was it. He really didn’t know that that his best friend is getting married. All he knew was that he felt like his breadth got caught in his throat and his mind went blank. He didn’t know what to do.

“Xiao Lu?”

“Hello?”

“Luhan??”

“Orh..” He uttered a reply as he ran his hand through his hair. He couldn’t bring himself to believe the piece of news he just heard. Bixue didn’t tell him. Bixue would never not tell him anything. It must be a mistake. “Laogao, I call you back again.”

He hung the phone urgently and typed in the familiar chain of number with his trembling fingers again, but it was once again being transferred to her voicemail. Rubbing his face tiredly, he threw his phone on his bed. Now it all made sense to him. Bixue didn’t pick up his calls because she is getting married, she is probably busy preparing for her big day. But the moment he thought about her wearing the wedding gown and walking down the aisle with another man, he felt like a huge hole had been punched through his chest. It hurts so badly.

And the pain in his chest didn’t lighten over the next few days. In fact, it got worse when he still couldn’t get hold of her. He refused to believe that Bixue was getting married without telling him and he refused to think about it but he failed. He just couldn’t concentrate on the trainings like he used to. Even when their training time had lengthen to prepare for their debut, he just couldn’t put his all into training. Everytime he tried to concentrate, there would be something lingering at the back of his head that reminds him that Bixue is getting married and his chest would hurt so badly that at times, he felt like he couldn’t breathe.

“One more time!” Their dance instructor shouted, “Luhan, get your position right!”

“I’m sorry!” He bowed deeply as the group of them went back to their starting position. Wiping the sweat off his face, he closed his eyes and regulated his breathing but it still hurt no matter how many deep breaths he took.

“What’s wrong? Everything okay?” Lay asked him quietly. Everyone could tell that Luhan was off these few days. He wasn’t as chirpy as he used to be, and he had been making a lot of mistakes when he shouldn’t be.

Nodding his head, Luhan forced out a tired smile. The lack of sleep and long hours of training were draining him out.

“You can always tell me you know right?” Lay encouraged him.

“I’m alright. Don’t worry. I’m just tired.” Luhan lied. He couldn’t tell Lay what was wrong. It just didn’t felt right telling him about it. He didn’t even know what was wrong with him in the first place. He just didn’t feel right.

As Luhan dragged his feet back to his dorm, he didn’t even realized he passed by Sehun who was standing at the hallway waiting for him.

“You. Let’s go for bubble tea.” Sehun put an arm around Luhan which caused him to jump. Without waiting for him to reply, he dragged the older boy to their usual bubble tea shop and bought him his favourite drink as they made their way back to the dorm together.

“Hyung. What’s wrong with you?” Sehun broke the silence and asked. His best friend was in constant daze recently and he had overheard the dance instructors complaining about his bad performance recently. “You look very troubled.”

“Me? Really?” Luhan forced out a smile but on the contrary, his chest was hurting so much that he really need to get the piece of information off his chest. “My best friend in China is getting married.”

“Oh my god??? Really?! Congratulations!!!” Sehun patted his back with all smiles, genuinely happy about the piece of good news. “You must be really happy.”

However, Luhan didn’t look anywhere near happy so he patted his back and comforted him, “Is it because you can’t attend and be the best man?”

“Don’t worry hyung, we are debuting soon. When we earn lots of money next time, buy him a good wedding gift.”

Was it because he couldn’t attend her wedding? Luhan asked himself. He didn’t know. He didn’t know what was it that was making him so upset. He just couldn’t bring himself to be happy about her marriage. Not at all.

“I… just don’t want her to get married.” Luhan admitted. No one would understand how she held his hand when she was too afraid to speak. No one would understand how he was the only one who understood her when she was too afraid to speak. And he was quite sure the man she was going to marry wouldn’t because he doesn’t know her favourite songs, those that she listens to when she is happy or even when she is sad. He doesn’t know what music reaches inside her ribcage and softly consoles her heart. He doesn’t know all the things that keep her up at night. He doesn’t know why she had gone three days without sleep for a piece of drawing. He doesn’t know the sadness that wash over her like a tsunami whenever she sees her father.

He is scared that the man would be on the phone and not at her door when she is sad because words do not wipe away tears, fingers do. He is worried that the man doesn’t know the things to say that will calm her heartbeat and he is afraid that the man doesn’t love her like it’s his first.

Because she deserves all of this.

“She….?” Sehun eyes widened and to him, there was only one reason why would Luhan be so unhappy about the marriage. “Hyung! You like your best friend?!”

“Since when do you have a female best friend that I don’t know of!”

“Oh my god! Are you all each other’s first love?” Sehun asked excitedly but Luhan just shook his head slowly.

“I don’t like her.” He replied instinctively, “But she’s not comfortable with strangers. She will only talk to me… how is she going to live with a stranger?”

“Eh?” Sehun was totally confused by what he said, unable to comprehend a single thing.

“Nevermind. Pretend I never say anything.” Luhan forced out another smile as he carried on walking. He couldn’t tell anyone about Bixue. He couldn’t just tell about her just like that. He doesn’t want Sehun to know, he doesn’t want anyone to know.

“Ok…ay then.” Sehun nodded his head but in his mind, he was quite sure that this hyung of him was simply stupid. It was beyond obvious that he likes his own best friend or why would he be so upset about her marriage. And to him, a boy and a girl can never be best friends, at some point of time one is bound to fall for another.

Patting his back encouragingly, Sehun didn’t know what else to tell him. “Then just concentrate on your training. We are debuting so don’t get throw out now.”

Without giving a reply, Luhan pulled out his phone to see an empty screen without any new messages. He tried calling her once again but it was still diverted to her voicemail.

I will probably put Locker 303 and PF on hiatus till my busy period is over. I will continue Backstage Romance and The Lip Biter like I used to since the stories are at their peak already.

Are you all annoyed that Luhan and Bixue are not together yet? Or are you all okay with the current flow now?

I can't explain how much I like the pace of this story. It's just slow and soothing to me. ^^

The chinese quote is really pretty. It actually means "Please don't let the snow wash away the traces of us." It fits Luhan's circumstance now isn't it?

Okay, I need to go back to do my FYP now. Enjoy!!