Entry #032
Mnemophobia
Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.
16th February 2015
Jieun woke up in Kai’s arms like every other day ever since they confessed their love for one another. Sometimes Kai would sleepover at her room, sometimes she would go over to his. But, they had never separated, they never want to.
Then, they would go down for breakfast where Kai’s mother would be waiting for them like a newly wed couple living with the in-laws. As usual, she would then walk the couple to the door, nagging at them to return home early for the day. Everyone in the Kim household was happy with their peaceful but contentful life.
“I boiled ox-tail soup today.” Mrs Kim smoothened Jieun’s hair dotingly before going over to adjust her son’s coat, “You two are getting skinnier.”
“Who said so Omma?” Kai protested playfully, “I finished all of Jieun’s food whenever she can’t finish.”
“You know how much she orders whenever she eats?”
Pouting her lips, Jieun shook her head innocently. “Jongin is always the one that says he is very hungry so I ordered more.”
Mrs Kim laughed at the teenage couple bickering early in the morning. Nothing was different that day and she smiled in satisfaction, such simplicity was hard to come by; they had exchanged a lot for this. “Okay okay, you two need to go now. Jongin’s van is here.”
“Remember to come back early alright?”
“Alright.” Jieun went to hug Mrs Kim and the older lady patted her back in return.
With a last wave, Jieun disappeared through the front door with Kai.
“Bye Aunt Kim.”
-
However, the usual morning routine was broken with their manager standing outside the van waiting for them. Upon sighting them, he walked up to them quickly and stopped them before they entered the van.
“Pass me your phones.” Warily, Kai pulled out his phone and handed over to him. Upon seeing Kai doing it, Jieun followed suit. She had also sensed the weird atmosphere that was lingering in the stilled air and she looked over to Kai worriedly.
Holding her hand, Kai boarded the van with Jieun. He squeezed her hand gently, comforting her that it would be fine but as their manager took an opposite route from their company, a sense of uneasiness spread in him. He knew instinctively that something must have happened but there was no way he would tell Jieun just yet.
As the scenary rolled by, Kai realized where their manager was driving them to; the separate building that SM owned. It was a building that was away from the press and public eyes. The last time he went there was almost 2 years ago, where he trained for his debut showcase.
And when he spotted Sunye waiting for them at the entrance when the van pulled up, he instinctively held Jieun’s hand tighter.
“Jieun, follow Sunye.” His manager voice was stern and it was scaring Jieun. “Kai, follow me.”
“Why.. are we separated?” Kai asked worriedly as the lady approached the van to take Jieun away.
“You all will know later. Hurry up.” The man hurried them and Jieun turned to look at Kai for help. Her eyes were panicking because her sixth sense told her, something very bad had happened and being away from Jongin was scarying her already.
“It will be okay Jieun.” Kai kissed their intertwined hand before embracing her to give her another comforting kiss on her forehead. No matter what had happened, he was sure he could conquer it with one hand as long as Jieun is holding the other.
“You.. will be safe right?” Jieun asked nervously and Kai nodded his head before letting her hand go. “We will be fine.”
Jieun nodded back at him before letting Sunye led her down the opposite end of the hallway from Kai. They took a lift down to the basement before entering a room that had some snacks and water on the table.
“You are not allowed to leave until I come. Hear me?” Sunye told her and Jieun nodded her head obediently as she heard the door locked.
Taking a seat by the table, she knitted her fingers nervously. She knew the staffs didn’t like her but the company loves Jongin, they had never treated him this way. They always gave him the best outfit, best facilities and even the best offers. It scares her to think what would happen to Jongin.
Then, she heard the door unlocked and she straightened her back right away. A figure that she had least expected to see appeared before her.
“Se.. Sehun-ah.”
The mentioned male took a sit on the sofa opposite her, his gaze not leaving her face ever since he stepped into the room and he sighed inwardly. Today was the first time he had seen her in weeks. They are strangers now and she is a stranger he loves with everything he had; a stranger he lets himself get lost in.
It was sad that he let people into his life and they become a part of him, only to see them to walk away. And then they are back to where they started. Strangers.
But, over the few weeks, the thought of not loving her makes him miss her. He fell in love with how she loved; how she was so passionate about what she did, or rather how passionate she was about life. He often questions what he needs to be so passionate but it isn’t what he needs, it’s what needs him. Without passion, he is naught, an empty vessel that simply exists for mere observation. Without passion it’s almost as if he didn’t exist. He found passion when he found her but she was already passionate about someone else.
“How… are you?” He choked out the first few words since he entered this room.
“I’m good.” Jieun bit her lower lips, unable to look at him in the eye. She knew she had hurt him badly and she didn’t know how to face him. Sehun was the last person she wanted to hurt. “You?”
“Can.. be better I guess.” Sehun laughed dryly and Jieun instinctively bit her lower lips harder.
“I’m sorry…”
Shaking his head, Sehun looked at her with a gaze that was so gentle that it only made Jieun feel guiltier than ever. “I don’t want your apology Jieun.”
“I know.. it’s too late for me to say this but I still want to do it.”
The girl before him is just so perfect because everything she did makes him smile. Because every second spent with her is worthwhile. Because when she laughs at him, he laughs too. Because everyone else can see he was devoted to her. Because he loves her eyes and the way they shine. Because she doesn’t tell lies and she is so cute when she whines. Because when she gets mad, she can’t hide it. Because even when she is sad, he can find it. Because he can never stop thinking about her and that is one of the hardest thing he will ever have to do just because she didn’t love him.
It was not fair because she is so perfect and no one else can compare. Nothing would be the same in his life if she did not exist. If only he could turn back the clock, he would find her sooner and love her longer. But, he was still going to confess his love for her today.
“Jieun… maybe our timing is off. Maybe our distance is too much.”
“Maybe we were just meant to be friends.”
“There are endless possibilities of maybes, but I know one thing is for sure.. the love I have for you will never change.”
Sehun smiled genuinely when he ended his words. That moment, he didn’t regret confessing, he only regretted that he didn’t do it when he had the chance.
“And Jieun?”
Jieun looked up at the male with teary eyes as she watched him take out something from inside his coat and placed on her lap. Her tears dripping on the brown envelope.
“I will love you through simple and the struggle, no matter what happens.”
With that, he stood up slowly and as his hand reached for the doorknob, he choked out.
“And..the person who broke you can’t be the one to fix you.”
“Please remember that.”
Leaning against the closed door, Sehun closed his eyes painfully and swallowed hard. He didn’t want Jieun to apologize, he didn’t want anyone to apologize. Not even Kai. He wants the guilt to eat him alive, he wants him to drown in his thoughts like how he drowned in his.
“Are you sure about this?” Sehun remembered the man sitting opposite him wore a shocked expression after reading the brown envelope he pushed to him 10 minutes ago.
Nodding his head, Sehun had never been more sure about his actions. He would never forget how he needed his friends to encourage him when his best friend stole his love. He needed his friends around and they weren’t there. He guessed if he really was their best friend, he should have mattered but he guess he didn’t. Or he wouldn’t have to be asked to give Jieun up just because he didn’t need her as much as Kai did.
“This news…” The reporter asked him in disbelief. This piece of news would definitely hit the racks. Not only did it involve 2 of South Korea’s largest boyband, but also legislation. It would definitely guarentee a promotion but he might not have sufficient money to buy this piece of news from him. The brown envelope consist of all the related document to prove the credibility of this piece of news.
“I don’t want any money.” Sehun replied coolly, his expression not giving away any feelings. When he lies, he is smart enough to keep it simple. That’s where liars like Kai go wrong; he gets fancy. Then he forget the details. It’s best to have a simple basic lie that no one has to worry about remembering. And, he is sick of everyone lying to Jieun. She didn’t deserve any of these lies.
“But this news… will cause you to..” He was so shocked that he could not phrase his words properly. When he received a phonecall to meet in the outskirts of the city for a piece of huge news, he never expected the informant to be a celebrity; let alone an Exo member leaking a news about his fellow group mate.
“If you don’t dare to write about it, I can always look for someone else.”
“No no! I can do it!” The man stopped him immediately. He was not that stupid to turn down a free offer that came with huge benefits. “Give me a few days to arrange it.”
Nodding his head, Sehun pulled his cap lower and stood up. He was a few steps away from the table when he heard the man asked.
“But can I know why are you even doing this?” The man really didn’t understand why would he do something that would destroy his own career.
“Because the saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from our enemies.”
Most of you guessed that it was Sehun who revealed and yupp you guys are right!
Anw anyone has any idea why I can't post up my poster for my new fic? The link keeps disappearing in the box and the picture just wouldn't show in the foreword. If you do know, please let me know how you get rid of this problem yeah?
As I've mentioned, this fic is coming to an end and as usual, I would be doing a behind-the-scenes by having a cast interview once again.
Simply leave a comment below or you can PM me your questions and I will definitely answer them.
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[To: Author/Haewon/Jieun/Kai/Sehun/Jiyong/ whoever who made an appearance in here]
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