Entry #024

Mnemophobia

 

Always remember this. Anyone can make you happy by doing something special. But only someone special can make you happy without doing anything.

 

29th December 2014

 

Running his hand through his dark brown hair, Sehun pulled the last strand of his hair back in place before grinning into the mirror in satisfaction. He turned behind and grabbed his leather jacket, swiftly putting it on as he made his way out of the room right when Baekhyun walked right into him.

 

“Aye hyung!” Sehun protested as he checked his reflection against the mirror again, making sure his hair was still in place.

 

“Wow what’s this…” Baekhyun coughed and he covered his nose, “Did you bathe in perfume or what?”

 

“Did Oh Sehun use my perfume again?!” Chen screamed as he came running in.

 

“Yeah I did. Buy you a new bottle next time hyung.” Sehun pushed them out of his way hurriedly but before he could even step out of the bedroom, he was being pulled back by 2 strong arms.

 

“Where are you going again?” The duo sniggered one another as they pinned him against the wall, questioning him.

 

“Ayee hyung!” Sehun protested and pushed them away, trying to free himself so he could run away but his strength was of no match to the duo combined. “Let me go!”

 

“Tell us where you are going first.”

 

“Secret!” Sehun’s lips were sealed tight. There was no way he would tell them that he was bringing Jieun to watch the sunrise. He saw her Okinawa to do list and he wanted to fulfill it now. Plus, he had yet to see her since he came back from Japan. Texting was insufficient to satisfy every cell in him that was dying to see her.

 

“So secretive.” Chen snorted.

 

“Yeah when we already know you are going on a date with Kim Jieun.” Baekhyun spatted before releasing him from the wall.

 

“How.. How do you all know?” The youngest asked them in shock, unsure how they knew that Jieun and him are going out.

 

“You didn’t know?” Chen pretended to be surprised, “You have I like Kim Jieun written all over your face.”

 

“Aish.” Pressing his lips into a thin line, Sehun adjusted his hair again before walking past Baekhyun who was bursting into laughter, ignoring them as he made his way to fetch his Jieun. Nothing was going to spoil his night, not even his irritating hyungs.

 

-

 

“Jieun remember to keep yourself warm okay?” Aunt Kim nagged as she wrapped a scarf around Jieun’s neck, afraid the girl would catch a cold.

 

“I will don’t worry. You sleep early too.” Jieun nodded as she hugged the older lady.

 

Standing behind Jieun, Kai smiled at the heartwarming scene instinctively. With a bag in his hand, he walked up to them and spoke gently. “Don’t worry Omma, I will take care of Jieun.”

 

With a nod from Saein, Mrs Kim let go of the girl and hugged her son before sending them out of the door. Till the door closed then she let out a worried sigh.

 

“Omma.” Saein put her arms around her mother as they watched the couple boarded Kai’s car and drove off safely. It had been years since Kai last drove and it worried Saein a little when he said he wanted to drive up to Ulsan so Jieun and him could catch a sunrise together. But upon seeing his determined gaze, she knew her brother Kim Jongin is finally back, he wore the same determined gaze when he told the family that he wants to train with SM. With such, she had no heart to say no to the brother she had lost for 2 years.

 

“Jongin finally knows how to take care of someone.”

 

Nodding her head, Mrs Kim held back her tears, happy to see that her son was no longer avoiding or treating Jieun coldly. She was glad that he was learning how to shoulder his own responsibility but most importantly, he was finally smiling.

 

Just as they made their way back to the living room, the doorbell rang and they turned around worriedly. Mrs Kim rushed to the door immediately, afraid that it might be Jieun or Jongin who might have forgotten to take something. However when they pulled open the door, they were surprised by the guest that was standing before them.

 

“Sehun?” Saein looked at him weirdly, “Looking for Jongin?”

 

“He just went out though.”

 

“Erm…” Sehun scratched his neck shyly as he replied. He didn’t want to call Jieun or text her so he could give her a surprise, but little did he expect Mrs Kim and Saein to be at the door together. “I’m.. here to look for Jieun actually.”

 

“Jieun? She’s not at home too.” Saein replied.

 

“Oh? Is she at the office then?” Sehun panicked a little, afraid that his plans would be ruined once again.

 

Shaking her head, Mrs Kim replied with a smile. “Jongin brought Jieun out. They won’t be back till tomorrow.”

 

“You just missed them. They left a while ago.”

 

Sehun stood before the 2 older ladies, his smile froze in the cold December wind. His fist unknowingly curling into a ball.

 

He was a step too late, again.

 

-

 

It was already the 1st day of 2015 when Kai and Jieun stepped into the villa that he had booked for them to stay.

 

“I’m sorry Jieun.” Kai apologised to the girl who was standing before the living room’s tinted window that overlooked the seaside that was crowded with people. He had forgotten that Ulsan would be packed with people who would want to catch the first sunrise on the new year. Given his identity, he could never step out there without getting recognized and he didn’t want Jieun to get swamped by his fans.

 

Shaking her head, Jieun turned back to him with an understanding smile. “It’s okay. I can still see the sunrise from here.”

 

To Jieun, she was happy to step out of her usual environment to come to a place like this. It didn’t matter to her even if she had to be locked up in the villa because right now, there was nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shore line, no matter how many times it sent away. Just like how she would never leave Jongin alone no matter how he treated her; she was the wave and he was her shore. He was everything she could depend on.

 

“Then let’s watch it from here together.” Jieun turned around to see her cousin walking out from one of the rooms with pillows and blankets. He laid on the ground before making himself comfortable. “Let’s make this trip worthwhile?”

 

“Let’s make it worthwhile.” She took her seat beside him, both of them basking in silence for a while before she jumped up suddenly to catch Kai’s eyes.

 

“We didn’t call Aunt Kim to wish her Happy New Year.”

 

“Nah is okay, we can wish her tomorrow.” Kai declined the offer, he wasn’t used to showing such affection to his family.

 

“Call your mother Jongin.” Jieun insisted with her black eyes blinking at him seriously, “Tell her you love her. Remember you’re the only person who knows what her heart sounds like from the inside.”

 

Upon seeing the male who showed no reaction, Jieun went ahead to call and the line on the opposite end was answered almost immediately.

 

“Aunt Kim?” Kai watched the girl spoke into phone gently, “Happy New Year. I hope you will stay young and pretty always.”

 

That moment, Kai had no idea why was he so fascinated by her. The way she inhaled these breathes, pushing her hair back, staring into nothingness as she talked on the phone with his mother. He had never seen someone so beautiful as her even when she was at the simplest.

 

“Hold on Aunt Kim, Jongin has something to say to you.”

 

Kai looked at the phone that was pushed to him, before putting it beside his ear.

 

“Jongin?”

 

“Omma.” Kai his lips awkwardly, unsure of what to say. However, when he looked up at Jieun, her black eyes were fixed on him, sending him waves of encouragement just like always. Opening his mouth, he decided to give a try. “Happy new year.”

 

“Stay healthy and.. thank you for everything. I.. love you Omma.”

 

After he hung up the phone, Jieun squeezed his shoulders gently before turning back to look at the sea before them. “It’s beautiful.”

 

Nodding his head, Kai agreed. He couldn’t agree anymore that it was strangely beautiful. The way Jieun looks at things; like everything was made with magic and because of that, she became magic. His magic. Because he was definitely not the same person he was when last year started ever since he got to know her personally.

 

How weird it was to think he used to not know of her existence. He somehow lived his life without every knowing her as a person even though they stayed under the same roof. Once he got to know her, he hadn’t been able to get her out of his head since. He wondered how he used to be able to live his life without her consuming his head with thoughts and those encouraging gaze from her.

 

“Jongin, why do you want to become an idol?” Jieun asked the boy sitting beside her with his legs straightened just like how she did, pulling him out of his thoughts. She didn’t understood why did he continue his dream when he had to survive on painkillers everytime he danced. What made him work so hard? It was a question she had always wanted to know but found no chance to ask.

 

“Why? Because I like to dance.” Kai replied without any hesitation,

 

“But don’t you feel tired from dancing?”

 

This time, her question made Kai thought for a moment, his eyes were dazed as pictures of his childhood dream appeared before him. “People dance, because dance can change things. One move, can bring people together. One move, can make you believe like there’s something more. One move, can set a whole generation free.”

 

“But whenever I’m weary and tired, I look at everyone while standing on stage.”

 

“And when I see the cheers and encouragement, I gained strength that I did not have before.”

 

“It’s strange but yet it’s true.”

 

Jieun let his words sunk in her and she nodded her head understandingly. For Jongin, dance was where he belonged. Just like Sehun. Just like Exo. Everyone knows where they belong except for her.

 

“What about you? What’s your dream?” Kai asked curiously, wonder what she wanted to be. If possible, he would help her in whatever ways possible to help her achieve her dream. Because her innocent question had ignited something in him, something that he had lost 2 years ago.

 

“Me?” Jieun gave a smile that never quite reach her eyes, “I.. have none.”

 

“Think of something now then. Something that you like or feel happy doing.” Kai encouraged and the girl thought hard.


But before she could give him her answers, the first sunray of the year seeped into their villa, lighting the dark living room. The couple watched the sun slowly crept up with a smile on their face each.

 

“It’s the new year. Aunt Kim said to make 3 wishes here and it will come true.” Jieun told her cousin before closing her eyes.

 

“First one, I wish for everyone in the Kim family to be healthy and happy.”

 

“For the second wish, I hope that Exo to be famous forever and they will get never ending schedule.”

 

“I wouldn’t have time to rest Jieun.” Kai laughed as he watched the girl make her wishes seriously. His gaze was unknowingly gentle. “Please make one for yourself.”

 

“Hmmm, then I wish..” Jieun thought hard for something that she wanted, “to be your personal assistant forever.”

 

Kai watched the girl open her eyes with a satisfied smile on her face, his eyes tracing every feature on her face as he asked her gently. He was lost by her beauty, inside out. “Why do you want to be my assistant forever?”

 

“Because…” With a inner lips hooking into a brighter smile, Jieun turned to Kai with her eyes blinking with confidence. “I feel happy whenever I watch you performing on stage without any pain.”

 

“And I want to watch you perform like that forever.”

 

That moment, Kai would be lying if he said he wasn’t touched by her words. Her three wishes were made revolved around him; his family, his brothers and even her happiness was based on him. And he couldn’t help but to feel happy too.

 

“Make your wishes too Jongin.” Jieun encouraged.

 

Nodding his head, Kai closed his eyes right away. “First wish, I wish for everyone in my family to be healthy and happy too.”

 

“Second wish, I hope my parents will have a long life.”

 

“Third wish….” With a smile, Kai swallowed his words as he made his wish mentally.

 

“What is it?” Jieun asked curiously.

 

“It’s a secret.”

 

Kai replied with a boyish grin as he laid on the wooden floor with Jieun following suit. He remembered his mother telling him when he was young that if he made his wishes sincerely they would definitely come true.

 

And he was sure it would because he had made his third wish very sincerely just so Jieun’s third wish would come true.

 

He wanted Jieun to be his personal assistant forever too.


Really really sorry about the lack of updates. Although its my school holidays but I still have an essay to write. At the same time, I'm balancing wells, 5 part time jobs so please pardon me if my updates are a little slower.

I'm trying to finish my essay asap so I can write fics cause I really miss writing them. In the meanwhile, please do wait patiently.

Thank you for your understanding and hope you guys will enjoy this long chapter!

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Comments

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prod_GLEE
#1
Chapter 1: ahh idol life fic! i wonder if jiyong doesn't appear much how about the girl he's been looking for hmmm
Sheng0522 #2
Upon reading the comments,I guess will need a lot of courage to read this one..I am a VIP and GD is my bias..I like Sehun too since we have the same surname..I'm an angst reader as well..Those are the reasons that brought me here..Oh,b4 I forgot,I like how authornim write her stories..I will definitely read this but I guess I'll be needing some time..I will get back here,but for now I guess I'll read stranger's love first..
ettoiscy
#3
Chapter 47: OMG Im crying so hard reading this story. What a wonderful story with mix emotion in here. Angst to be more precise. I really love this. So sad. Im really so sad right now.
What a wonderful writings you have here. Thankyou for creating this fic. Good job authornim.
StoriesWriter
#4
Chapter 47: I wished you had put tragedy tag cause I'm bawling my eyes out. I'm just not one to read sad ending so I usually avoid stories with sad ending. But I do understand the reason why you don't put the tag, cause it would have spoiled the jittery while reading. Honestly, I feel so shocked to find out that Jieun and GD suicide, and that Kai is alive and well. I mean... I understand that he's human like us and he repented but just... I feel so sad and like I don't know... T.T
mybaeiskai88 #5
Chapter 48: Hi,i just finished this story,its beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time.I must admit that jongin is my bias and in a selfish way,i still hope that jieun and jongin be together..?..but at the same time,i felt sad for GD because the fate is really cruel to him. The saddest part is when the same scene happen just like 5 years ago when jongin met seulgi,but this time is not about Seulgi anymore,its about HER (jieun)..So sad just to know how break down jongjn without jieun. And is hard to believe that their relationship among members just ended like that. I dont know if i should blame sehun for revealed everything,i just cant! At the 1st place we know that jongin is selfish,but his life never be okay since the accident,how the guilt eat him alive..i know its stupid,but i ship jongin and jieun ❤..
Lastly,i like your writing,its beautiful,,it can touch my heart,,i've started with flawless imperfection,stranger's love..in SL i ship her with sehun ?..keep a good work
MZ0077 #6
I really want to read this story..
I've been checking it for the past two years coz i love your writing
But, there is GD.. and angst too (i dont read their fluff story either). I just want to see them as they are.. not the sugarcoated or the bad boy.. but just them as the artist.. thats it..
The last time i read GD angst fic i cry my eyes out
It affect me so much, i cant look at him without feeling sad for him, i feel sad hearing their song.. and their lyrics didnt help me either.. it just so saad.. i feel sad hearing their sad sobg before but it even become more sad after i read the story
So, i dont think i cant read this story rn or anytime soon
I know its weird but i tend do that when i read stories thats why i dont read any bigbang fic anymore coz it change my pov of them that i have to watch all their show to remind what kind of people they are in eyes before..
Hope you write another free exo fic soon ( i feel easier imagine exo as the character more than other idol)
I am sorry for the long and irrelevant comment..
callmesabby
#7
Chapter 48: This story is too angsty when Jiyong & Ji Eun died. (π.π) why..why ... Why did you guys have to commit suicide?!
And yeah, the 1st fic of yours that is -free! Haha~

I never expected that anyone would die in the end but when I tried to think any possible ending for this story, nothing comes up better than this. Because if Ji Eun ended up with Jong In, Ji Young would hurt. If Jieun returned as Haewon, then Jong In would be in a deep pain (and I won't let that ever happen to my Jong In >.> )..so I think this ending is the best! Good job, RedLollita!

Thinking about Jiyong POV, I agreed with neetabie that he got the most pain among all of them. He did nothing wrong but he has to endure the pain of losing his love twice. Also Jong In, all he did is knocking Haewon but then his life changed all over. Also did Sehun. But I'm happy he has an open ending. Haha~ glad that he still loves Jieun. Idk, but I'm rooting Sehun this time. You're so mean, RodLollita~ why everytime I read any SeKai as the main acts in your fics, you made me root for Sehun instead of our bias Kai? Especially Stranger's Love & The Lip Biter. I hate u~ (just kidding ok? Luv u so much despite not knowing each other, authornim. Haha~)

Oh yeah, please update L303 quickly!!!! I like the story although only few chapters are out. (ㅡㅅㅡ) Fighting! Fighting!
neetabie #8
i never comment on any story but im doing it now..i love kai so much at first he doesnt deserve jieun for me cause he lied so much to her..lol i started shipping her with sehun but it turned out he reported jongin then i was disappointed i understand he was hurting and suho shoudnt have said that to him..he should have tell jieun first..sigh i dont know but serious i shipped her with GD and sehun morethan kai they just did not matched him and her..hmm i love it though keep the good work
Elizabethguppy #9
Chapter 48: Wow i cried so much now i'm crying river its tragic to know that they can end up together i ship jongin and haewon great job authornim..
vivigoku
#10
Chapter 48: This is one of the best story I've ever read.
your stories are always my favorite
your stories always make my heart feel different kind of emotions..this story is sooo... I don't know what to say . I JUST LOVE U AND UR STORIES author nim <3